RetroPost: 11.22.05

{Saved from Xanga} I am so frickin' annoyed right now I could explode. If we weren't out of here tomorrow night, I would lose my mind. Yep. Totally lose my mind! I am so unhappy with how our life is going I feel sickened by it. If something isn't done, and soon, it'll be too late to get out of this rut. This has got to stop. *sigh* God help us. ~Jilli

RetroPost: 11.20.05

{Saved from Xanga} I'm sooooooooooo frickin' excited!!! In about 20 minutes, I'll be out of here (here being the office, waiting patiently for Billy to finish his education portfolio) and on my way to Reno to indulge in Harry Potter. Before I first started reading the books my senior year, I really don' t think I ever could've thought myself as a possible Potter fangirl canidate, but here I am enjoying it tremendously. I especially love sharing it with Billy. Reading the books to him has been an amzingly fun experience. Another high point of this day is that I actually feel cute and young today. We've been getting a bunch of pictures developed, mainly for his portfolio, and what we thought was a field trip camera ended up being the camera we took on our afternoon anniversary adventure. It wasn't so much that I looked super tubby in most of the pictures (which will probably be the topic for a future post), but that I looked so damn old. My makeupless face looked tired and worn out, my clothes didn't suit me at all and I looked deep into my thirties at least. I've been feeling pretty bad about it all week. How can that possibly be me in those pictures??? That's not me! It can't be! I really have to work on this. It is just ridiculous. I know I have a lot of responsibilities... but it doesn't need to show that badly! My rut needs to be filled in.............. Yeah. I have a lot of work to do for sure. Ooog. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it or not. What I am looking forward to is our trip to Cali for Thanksgiving. It'll be good for us to get out, just the two of us. Hurrah! Well, here's to a wonderful evening coming up and hopefully, a new life plan for the two of us further in the future. Onward.... ~Serenidy

RetroPost: 11.14.05

{Saved from Xanga} Life is so... I don't know what life is right now other than nutters. It's wonderful and horrible and mundane and exciting all at the same time and it's really screwing with my head. Random thoughts are going to shoot out in this post so proceed with caution... (This is known as "the carousel curse") Sooo, I've been thinking about a certain Chinese zodiac horoscope that I read a long time ago and I don't even know what restaurant that haunting placemat was even from. It said that I, as a Rat, have a problem keeping friends. I was indignant at the time but I'm starting to think that echo from the past rings true. Not just now but for my entire lifetime of friendships- Roxanne, Lizzie, Megan, Missy. My best friends. All of whom, at the moment, I'm estranged with. There is so much pain revolving around the fact that I can't keep a best friend for the life of me. I'm so ripped apart by the fact that Missy and I have grown apart like this. I want to reconcile and say screw it all at the same time and that's proving to cause more turmoil than it's worth. ICK. That's the black horse on my carousel. This horse has actually stopped going up and down and is stuck. My job is the navy blue, practically black, horse on my carousel. The more I go, the more I hate it. Like I've said before, I like my job. I hate my workplace. I hate the silence and boredom that has been bestowed upon us. I hate the condescending attitude everyone over 30 has toward Amy and me. I'm severely annoyed that they didn't pay us today supposedly because of Veterans' Day. That's a load of bull. I'm severely annoyed that instead of giving me my ten hours of leave last pay period, they gave me leave without pay. Yeah, I went over my leave hours. At least give me what I have due! I'm severely annoyed that they haven't told me what's up with the five days I'm supposed to get by law. I'm ready to get out of there. They pay me badly, as well. They might as well say, "Hey, come to work and we'll pay your house payment and buy ya a couple of gallons of milk." Argh. Billy's sense of wanderlust and general fidgetiness is the grey horse. I understand wanting to get out of here. Now that we're here... we don't want to be. I'll be the first to admit not commuting is kick ass but Fallon isn't as tantalizing as it was when we were in Fernley. I understand wanting to move away, far far away. It just scares me. I'm undecided on that matter. Thus it is my grey horse. We went up to Elko and checked out the real estate up there. Not bad. I don't really want to live in Elko either. If there's one thing it did show us, tho', it's that we need to just get out and be us and have fun. Leave for a weekend and have a blast. Take a drive. Galumph in the mountains. Go shopping for something frivilous. We're getting so old. We think our only options are to sit around a house that isn't even ours and watch a movie. That's fun sometimes. Not all the time. I shudder to think of all the times we've sat inside on a beautiful day and watched movies because we could afford that kind of entertainment and we wanted to hide. How stupid! We decided to go see Stefanie on our three day weekend at the very last minute. And in the day between our split second decision and the day we left, I looked forward to it so much. In another week, we'll be heading down to Cali for Thanksgiving with Billy's mom. And I'm head over heels with excitement!!! And we can do this whenever we damn well please!!! What the hell has been stopping us??? I have no idea. This realization is my pretty rainbow horse. That's my life right now. For the most part. Yeah. ^_^ SeReNiDy

RetroPost: 11.05.05

{Saved from Xanga} ARGH! I am so sick of my stupid job right now. I'm sick of a lot of things actually... I'm feeling stressed. My week started out with Amy getting caught forcing a close. I felt extremely bad for her since I have a tendency to force closes quite a bit. Never for a lot... just... why should you spend the precious fifteen minutes after close to scramble to find a measly couple of bucks? Unfortunately, she was off that couple of bucks because she didn't do a movement from the vault... thus, she got caught, and, like I would've done, lamely tried to cover it up. *sigh* So, she ended up going into a closed door session in Linda's office. I assumed it was just because of that so when she came out and said I needed to go in there, I was like WTF??? It ended up being a speech about Internet use at work. It was pretty much that our computer guy has been monitoring our Internet use and he's a big f*cker. Then she lamely went on about how we need to make a good impression on our board and the higher ups because we're not growing as a credit union. What they don't understand is that our lack of growth has nothing to do with our online time... We're online all the time because there's no growth! And there isn't sufficent growth because there's 11 other financial institutions in Fallon. So now I've been playing Freecell like crazy which is much less productive than balancing my checkbook, paying bills, blogging... But I sorta understand. What I didn't understand was when she said,"We've talked to you about this three times.." I was like HUH? Actually, she never has. Then she said, "If this doesn't stop, some things will happen that won't be... very nice." The hell are you talking, woman? I almost died trying not to laugh at that one. All in all tho, it's made my boring job that much less tolerable. That and they take everything out on Amy. Yeah, she can be a tad annoying sometimes but she's caught on quickly even tho she barely got any training at all. On Thursday she told me she wants to quit. The more I think about it, the more I want to quit as well. I know I can't at the moment, not until we get into a new house. Once we get the mortgage for a new place, it'll just be... boost our emergency fund like crazy or have a new job lined up. Or stay where I am... I really do like being a teller. It's just we get looked down upon so badly and there's no real room for improvement except becoming a loan officer which I already know I don't want to do. On top of it all, my direct supervisor is Faith and she really rubs me the wrong way. Not just as a coworker but as a person in my personal life as well. Being Missy's mom and all, working with her can be uncomfortable and on the inside, she isn't the nicest person. From what I've seen and experienced, she's a hypocritical busybody. Not a combination I find appealing. Going along with that, it seems that Missy and Noah have distanced themselves again. It's getting to the point where I don't even know if it's worth it or not to continue dragging that friendship along. I love Missy dearly... Noah and her mom fill her head with things. Noah is very hard to listen to... he's full of stupid a lot. So I don't know where that stands. Argh yet again. And lastly, the stress all gets together in my mommy's kitty, Socks, got hit by a car (we assume) and broke her back. They took her up to Reno and she had surgery yesterday. It's been an incredibly stressful week. Soooo tired. But at least this font makes me smile. God watch over us.

RetroPost: 10.27.05

{Saved from Xanga} So, we'll just call this a study in self exploration. I never really know who I am. Why not do these silly thing? OK, GO! NEVER HAVE I EVER... Smoked a cigarette ~ Only a few times. Once Chris left one in my car and I lit it but couldn't go thru with it. Then, once at the drunkenest party I ever went to, then a few times here and there during my party days. I never could bring myself to be addicted- just a social smoker from time to time. Crashed a friend's car ~ Never. Back when I would've done such a thing, I was the only one with a car and/or driver's license. Stolen a car ~ Never. Missy stole my car out of spite once but it wasn't for very long. Been in love ~ I certainly hope so, seeing as I'm married! Been dumped ~ Most adolescently by my very first boyfriend, the super FREAK Roger, whom coincidentally, I started dating six years ago today. I can't believe it's been that long! Cheated on someone ~ Well... technically.... We hadn't OFFICIALLY broke up yet before I got all cuddly on Billy.... but we were pretty much there, and it was official the next day.... Sort of... Yeah. Been cheated on ~ Never. That I know of, of course. Shoplifted ~ I stole a Backstreet Boys keychain! Oh, and I sort of stole a bunch of BSB poster back in the day by smuggling them out of the ridiculous TeenBeats and such and putting them in a YM or something, and buying that magazine. Been fired ~ Well, I have this attendance problem... My first job at Ross, I didn't understand the concept and the terminated me without my knowledge, then rehired me then I quit. Then I almost got fired at Hertz... for being late all the time but that wasn't really my fault... I was doing a pretty heinous commute and they didn't understand that. But I quit before they could get the chance! They suspended me for a couple days, (after letting my drive all the way up there) and when I got back (late again) I packed up my stuff and gave back my keys and my ugly jacket! Been in a fist fight ~ Never. The best I've ever done was accidentally punching Billy in the eye. It was an ACCIDENT!!! Snuck out of your parents' house ~ I DID push the screen out of my window and practice getting in and out... but mainly, I was sneaking my boys IN! Which is probably worse... Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back ~ That's called a crush and I had so many... What fun that was... Smoked pot ~ Never. I am proud to say of all the things I have done, I never ever ever touched drugs. Not once. Gone on a blind date ~ Never. Was a blind date ~ Never. Lied to a friend ~ I have a very serious problem with making things up to make my life look more interesting. Now that I know someone else who does it... I'm annoyed by it and feel very bad for doing it at all. Skipped school ~ Yup. A few times. The first time we came back late and said forget it.... Unfortuately, we got detention for that. We had a lot of fun that afternoon, tho. Later, when I skipped again Chris worked in the office and changed it to an excused absence. Then, of course, there was all those times I was like, "I'm sick. cough cough." And got out of it just to laze around at home. I loved those days! Seen someone die ~ Never. I don't think I could deal with it. Been to Canada ~ Yes, when I was 16. It was BEAUTIFUL. I want to go back. Been to Mexico ~ Never. I've never really wanted to. Been to Jamaica ~ Never. Maybe someday, but I'm pretty content with Hawaii. Been on a plane ~ So many times!!! It's odd to think Billy's only been on a plane twice. That doesn't seem normal... Been on a train ~ Amazingly, no. Of all the travel I've done, it's never been by train. As close to that I've come is the Disneyland Railroad and the subways in New York. Been on a cruise ~ Never. I would love to go on a cruise to Alaska or a Disney Cruise. Purposely set a part of yourself on fire ~ I am very glad to say NEVER. Eaten Sushi ~ Yup! I'm not huge on it, but it can be tasty from time to time. My bachelorette party was at a sushi bar. The last time I had any was at the Japanese restaurant in Disneyland. Yum! Been skiing ~ Never. And I have no real urge to. I like the idea of getting a cute skiing outfit and sitting in the lodge sipping cocoa. Been at a concert ~ I've been to three BSB concerts and countless punk rock shows. Taken painkillers ~ I take pain killers a lot. I've gotten bad headaches, not migraines but really bad ones, for as long as I can remember. Advil is lovely. Love someone or miss someone ~ Seriously, who hasn't? Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by ~ Cloud shapes are so much fun. I feel so bad for anyone who hasn't had the chance to use their imagination like that. Made a snow angel ~ Definitely a top winter activity! Flown a kite ~ Yes, but not in forever. I just watched Mary Poppins so I'm having a kite-flying craving. That and Billy brings it up all the time. Built a sand castle ~ Hurrah! God, I wish we were in Hawaii right now. Gone puddle jumping ~ Yeah, but I'm not especially into it. Played dress up ~ Dress up was practically my entire childhood! Jumped into a pile of leaves ~ I always wanted to, but we just don't get enough leaves dropping in Nevada. After they drop, it rains and they get oogy. Gone sledding ~ Also very high on the winter to do list. Cheated while playing a game ~ I am such a sore loser... Been lonely ~ Of course, but I take it fairly well. Being an only child and all... Fallen asleep at work/school ~ Oh, I've wanted to but never have. Used a fake id ~ Never. Watched the sunset ~ I looooove sunsets. I've seen so many but I'm still in awe everytime. Felt an earthquake ~ Once in California but it was mild. I've slept thru more! Touched a snake ~ I thought and thought about this, and I've seen many snakes but I can't think of an instance where I've actually touched one. Go figure. Slept beneath the stars ~ I've slept in a tent countless times but never actually out under the stars. Been tickled ~ Of course! I'm not really into it all the time... Been robbed ~ Don't say such things! I work at a credit union and it's a fear I live with everyday since I'm the main teller. Been misunderstood ~ Who hasn't? Petted a reindeer/moose/alligator ~ Never. Where did the alligator come from? Rode a horse or any other farm animal ~ Yeah, on my seventh birthday (coincedence only) and I took "lessons" for a little while when I was about 10 or11. Won a contest ~ Nothing AMAZING unfortunately. I won a coloring contest in 2nd and 3rd grade... Then some hairbands and such online when I was 14 or 15... And $5 from an online drawing a few months ago... Run a red light/stop sign ~ Hee hee... There was the "red red red red red" incident, the running of the stop sign in driver's ed, that pointless stop sign in the WNCC parking lot... And lots of California rolls. Been suspended from school ~ Never. Work once tho'! See "Been fired..." Been in a car crash ~ Yeah... lots of fender benders... and FENCES! Had braces ~ Never. I could've gotten them for my crooked bottom teeth but they ahve such personality... Felt like an outcast/third person ~ Of course! But then, I spent most of my time making others the third wheel. Eaten a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting? I don't think so. I've eaten WAY TOO MUCH ice cream, but never a whole tub that I can recall. Had deja vu ~ I have it All The Freakin' Time... It's rather odd... Danced in the moonlight ~ I might have... but I can't think of any one time that stands out. Liked the way you look ~ Sometimes, I just feel so CUTE! Not all the time tho'... Witnessed a crime ~ Never, thank goodness. Questioned your heart ~ Who doesn't? Been obsessed with post-it notes ~ I am thoroughly obsessed with office supplies in general. Shiny binder clips, colored plastic staplers, lined paper... LOVE IT! Squished barefoot through the mud ~ I luuuuurv that feeling! Been lost ~ I don't like asking for directions... And I tend to wander off Swam in the ocean ~ Oooh, Hawaii... Felt like dying ~ Never. I like to LIVE! Cried yourself to sleep ~ Yeah, when Chris went off to college. Wasted tears! Played cops and robbers ~ Never. Not my kind of game. Played cowboys and Indians ~ Never. Recently colored with crayons ~ Crayons make life happy! Sung karaoke ~ Never. I refuse to do such a thing! Paid for a meal with only coins ~ Yup, at Jack in the Box a long time ago when we had the beer fund box in the car. The girl at the window seemed pleased to have the change. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't ~ It's called dieting. I'm bad at it. Made prank phone calls ~ A LONG time ago my ex-friend Liz and I called Jack Dawson and asked for Rose. Far too much tweenish Titanic watching for us. Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose ~ I've laughed pretty hard but no nose shots. I've had beverages come out my nose. It burns! Caught a snowflake on your tongue ~ Yet another thing on the winter to do list! Danced in the rain ~ Just today! Written a letter to Santa Claus ~ Nope! I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. Been kissed under the mistletoe ~ Never. Sounds kinda romantic... Watched the sun rise with someone you care about ~ Yep. I watched it once with Missy and once with the whole gaggle of us after Billy's grad nite. Blown bubbles ~ Oh god yes! I have bubbles at my desk just for happy time! Made a bonfire on the beach ~ Never. Crashed a party ~ Never. Gone roller skating, roller blading, and/or ice skating ~ All of the above. Ice skating was a catastrophe, but I would give it a try with Billy. Had a wish come true ~ Billy. Jumped off a bridge ~ Never even considered it... Ate dog/cat food ~ I tried Kero's kitten chow when he was little. (We miss you so much Kero!!!) I kinda want to try the dogs' peanut butter biscuits. They seem like they'd be pretty good. Told a complete stranger you loved them ~ Never. Kissed a mirror ~ I was an odd kid. I made out with poster for goodness sakes! Sang in the shower ~ It's got the best acoustics! Had a dream that you married someone ~ I was going to say yes but now that I think about it, I don't think I have. Glued your hand to something ~ Never. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - or anything frozen ~ Never! Kissed a fish ~ I've made fish faces at fish! But, no, never. Sat on a roof top ~ When I was little and my dad was putting a new roof on our old house, I spent a lot of time up there. Screamed at the top of your lungs ~ Yup! Roller coasters, BSB concerts way back when, when I'm really aggrevated. Makes ya feel better. Done a one-handed cartwheel ~ Never, two handed was enough of an effort. Talked on the phone for more than 5 hours ~ I'm not much for the phone... Stayed up all night ~ A few times here and there. Drinking, homework, just cuz.. Picked and ate an apple right off the tree ~ I've taken bitter pithy nibbles but not actually eaten it. Climbed a tree ~ I've gone up a branch or so but the thought scares me. Had a tree house ~ Never. I had a fort tho! Scared to watch scary movies alone ~ I like scary movies but I wouldn't just up and watch one without Billy. Believe in ghosts ~ I like the idea that ghosts are "the manifestations of an extreme emotion, somehow stuck in time." Have more then 30 pairs of shoes ~ Nah, but I do have a lot of shoes. Worn a really ugly outfit to school ~ It was called elementary school... Gone doorbell ditching ~ Never. Not my style. Played gay chicken ~ Never. Whatever the hell that is... Pushed/fell into a pool/hot tub w/ all your clothes on ~ No, that would make me feel yucky... Told you're hot by a complete stranger ~ Not anymore tho'... I'm a chunka chunk these days. Broken a bone ~ Never... Just a couple of mushed toes. Been easily amused ~ Oh, dear, yes. I'm doing this, aren't I? Caught a fish then ate it ~ Yup, but I don't go fishing anymore. I don't like the idea of it. Caught a butterfly and/or firefly ~ Just butterflies. They're so pretty. Laughed so hard you cried and probably peed ~ Luckily not. Cried so hard you laughed ~ I've laughed after crying but not because I was crying. Cheated on a test ~ I had to do well... Forgotten someone's name ~ I'm usually pretty good with names but when I forget, I go crazy! French braided someone's hair ~ Twice, and I'm not very good at it... Cut your own hair ~ I've trimmed off split ends from a bad perm and I've let someone cut my hair... BIG MISTAKE! Gone skinny dippin' in a pool/hot tub/lake/ocean ~ Yeah. Completely naked once and just panties once. Actually, Billy's never been so we were going to Tuesday night but it was too cold... Been threatened to be kicked out of your house ~ Never. Been kicked out your house ~ Never. Loved someone so much you would gladly die for them ~ My lovely love Billy! Ridden on top of a moving car ~ Never. Not that dumb! Snuck up on a sleeping wild animal and scared it ~ Never! Not that dumb! Woke up with a hangover but still started that morning where you left off the night before. ~ NO! I've had one nasty hangover and a few lil ones but I haven't ever started drinking again the next day. Worn same underwear for more than a day ~ Shhhh... I'm icky! Gone streaking ~ Never. Very self concious about such things! Gone into the opposite sex's restroom ~ When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. Been arrested ~ Never! Yay me! Made love somewhere outside ~ Just the other day... heeheehee Fell asleep in the sun and got a second degree burn ~ Nope! I don't burn easily! Whew! That took the whole day! Interesting... Woot

RetroPost: 10.26.05

{Saved from Xanga} Being the ghost blogger and blog reader that I am, I come across really entertaining stuff from time to time. The "What Do You Need?" Game really got me laughing. You go into Google and put in "Your Name needs" and see what ya get. I was amused with mine: 1. Jill needs a firm hand and to be called on her BS. Yes, probably. 2. Jill needs to be careful about keeping her new record company happy. Nah, the greedy bastards. 3. Jill needs Jack. Ha ha. Not funny. 4. Jill needs $4000. That would be exceptionally nice! 5. Jill needs answers. Sure... 6. Jill needs a tan. Oh the deli! 7. Jill needs to wake up and smell the emotional abuse. How sad for me! Who's abusing me?!? 8. Jill needs a life. Ah, yes. I know. 9. Jill needs the specifics when this happens. What's happening? 10. Jill needs to build up a sense of self-esteem, not just because of what she knows but because of who she is. Awww, thanks! 11. Jill needs to keep her trap shut about things she knows NOTHING about and just stick to hawking her products. F you, too! 12. Jill needs our help. Please. I really do. 13. Jill needs to decide how much she enjoys that new car smell. Quite a bit, actually. OK. That's enough for me today. Luvs! Jill OK, I know I said enough for today but everbody else is doing it.... So... What Billy Needs: 1. Billy needs your lobes. OOOOkay... 2. Billy needs prayers. As does everybody. 3. Billy needs help. His have been very to the point, oui? 4. Billy needs you to share your talent and wisdom with everyone! Why he needs that, I don't know. 5. Billy needs to play. 'Tis true, or he gets grumpy. 6. Billy needs to be told off or have something explained to him. Well, he can get self-exultant sometimes. 7. Billy needs me. Of course he does! 8. Billy needs a lawyer! I don't want to know... 9. Billy needs his boots. I hope that means we're going snow-whompin'. 10. Billy needs to access a folder called "Documents". Whatever.... What My Alter Ego, Serenidy, Needs: (for searching purposes it had to be Serenity) 1. Serenidy needs a box office boost!! I don't want to be a flop! 2. Serenidy needs more time. Rush her and she'll kick ya in the nuts. 3. Serenidy needs your help. To conquer the evils of a role play world! 4. Serenidy needs no lessons in anything related to the realm of the erotic. Oooh, baby. 5. Serenidy needs a blimp. How handy would that be?!? 6. Serenidy needs a more artistic edge. Yeah, I can be a bit brash. That might soften me a bit. 7. Serenidy needs a drummer! They could play my theme music! 8. Serenidy needs surgery to fix her hip. I must've kicked them awful hard. 9. Serenidy needs all of us together. OK. That'd be fun. 10. Serenidy needs to make $80mil? OH THE DELI YAH! WOOT! OK, I'm for real done now. Too much work. Hee

RetroPost: 10.17.05

{Saved from Xanga} Wow, it's been awhile. Life has been fairly quirky as of late. Living with my parents is... an adventure. Our house isn't sold yet, so looking at houses to buy is dissapointing. We have no money to put down on a place until we sell. There was an offer on Thursday, but it was decidedly low. I pray they take our counter offer today. In the meantime, I continue to pay our mortgage, all the while living in our tiny little room with our stinky menagerie. I'm finding it hard to keep our space tidy... we have too much stuff. It worries me when I think about having a house again. I start to panic when I think about decorating a whole new house and keeping it clean. I'M SO LAZY!!!! We found the perfect house last week... Except for the fact that is was about $15K over budget. Luckily (or unluckily depending on how you look at it), it was sold the next day. But for that fleeting moment when I thought we'd be making an offer on it, I started to panic. I shouldn't be panicky. I should be excited. In other news, Andy was down last week and hanging out with him was cool. Strange, but cool. He's in the middle of a messy divorce with his adorable newborn, Brookelyn, in the middle of it all. Seeing how adult he has too be while really not being an adult at all is so freaky. Seeing his little girl makes the slightest twinge of baby fever go through Billy and me. Also, when the boys went to Oats Park to play basketball last Tuesday, Missy and I sat on the side benches like old times... I said I was starving and she said her first thought was, "Are you pregnant?" Which is everyone's first thought about everything I say. It has been ever since we got married and probably even before that when we were living together. If I had a dollar for everytime someone asked me if I was pregnant or when we were having kids... their college education would easily be funded! Anyhoo, she didn't leave it at that. She continued,"...because you should be." I was like WTF?!? Nevertheless, such shenanigans do well to put BOTB. That, and one of the bloggers I read religiously, Christina, announced she was pregnant. So it get's ya thinking. When I told Billy what Missy said, he said that he would love kids but couldn't imagine us with any as of yet. Which I understand. We're so US and I don't know how to consider an US + 1. It's so scary. Pregnancy AND Parenthood. I fear having something wrong with our baby. Today, I got onto The Nest and Christina had to let everyone know she miscarried. I ached for her and I don't even really know her. I want to cry for her. I can't even imagine going through such a thing and for this I am so scared. The idea of such responsibility when we can barely take care of ourselves is overwhelming. Dear God... watch over Christina and Bruce, whom I don't know but I know you do, during this difficult time. Please help me to overcome my fear... I am not yet worthy of such a gift. Amen.

RetroPost: Homeless

{Saved from The Nest} We are the worst bloggers in the world!!! Well, we are officially Fallon kids again. After three years of slowly moving back since we moved in together, we're here again. And we're living with my parents which my mind is fighting to grasp. My psyche just won't quite wrap around it. It nice, having a little space that's easy to keep clean- a decent family schedule that gives us our space and keeps us evenly fed- the two minute commute that is so uneventful- being able to snuggle in against Billy in the morning and hit snooze a couple times... But in being around them a lot more than I've been accustomed to as of late, I'm remembering why I was so eager to get out when I turned 18. For almost a year now, I've been spending Wednesday evening with my mom. We walk, scrapbook, watch chick flicks while Dad and Billy go play raquetball or somesuch. And I was pretty good with that... getting all buddy buddy with my mum. But now I remember that they're nuts. : ) And one of our kitties hasn't taken well to the move... She's been using our bed as a litter box while we sleep. Truly fabulous.... Yeah. Hopefully we sell our house and find a new one soon!!!! ~Serenidy~

RetroPost: 10.5.05

{Saved from Xanga} I'm wearing pants I shouldn't be wearing and I did an illogical thing this morning... First off, one of our loan officers is transfering to another branch and I was offered the job. Technically, it's a decent pay raise with good incentives if you work at them. So. logically I should've jumped at the opportunity. New positions don't open up in this branch very often... BUT after a couple of days stressing about it, I finally said "no". It took so much mental strain to get out that tiny little word. Yeah, the money would've been nice, especially while looking for a new house and failing to find anything at a price we can afford, but it's just that. Right now, Billy stressing about getting through this semester while working our butts off so we can get top dollar for our house and while living with my parents which still feels awkward and trying to get our animals settled in not knowing when we'll have a place again. With all that's going on, I don't want to add the gut wrenching of losing my cozy niche. I love my niche! And these pants have a back pocket. That is against dress code! HA! Now I wait for Amy to come back for lunch and for my mommy to pick me up. Funny, really. Amy is the one who made my niche cozy... Yay!

RetroPost: 9.27.05

{Saved from Xanga} It's our second anniversary! I can't believe it's been two years since we promised ourselves to each other. We have had so many ups and downs it's unbelievable! Actually, what's even more unbelievable is that even after our most heinous fights, there's never been a moment where we didn't think we could stick it out. There are times where I think I'm going to lose my mind but I love Billy more than you could ever know. We have each other and that's all that matters. In just two hours, I'll be leaving work and going home to whisk my love away for an afternoon of thinking about nothing. I am so excited. I really really wish today was like our first anniversary and we were in a tropical paradise on a secluded beach awaiting a spendy gourmet meal at a swanky resort overlooking a moonlit beach. It's OK, tho', being in good old Nevada. Whether we be walking hand in hand drunk off the sweet Hawaiian air or cuddling in an afternoon matinee in Reno, we always seem to find that sparkle in each other that is especially apparent on days like these. Time is going soooo slowly today which is odd since the last two years have positively FLOWN by. I love being in love. The greatest gift there ever is, is to love and be loved in return..... ~Serenidy

RetroPost: 9.26.05

{Saved from Xanga} OK, I understand that everyone is different, but I feel rather woogy about this. I could take a couple takes on this..... So, Missy comes in looking fairly normal... Then she says, "Argh, I could kick Noah." I say, "Why?" "Just... ARGH." Then, her mom comes up and goes, "What's up?" Then, she's almost in tears.... Weird... One way to take it is- Wow, I really suck at being a friend. But I've known that for awhile now. I need to work on it, but still. The other way I'm taking it is WHAT THE HELL? I couldn't even imagine fighting with Billy to the point of crying to my mom. The basis of their relationship scares me. The whole situation of them "living together" while Missy is living with her parents is just ODD. It just seems to me like the influences of Mommy and Daddy are affecting them in ways that will really hurt in the long run. Unless, of course, they live there forever. I'm not saying everyone should do it like we did, but their way is weird. Last night, we had dinner with Casey and Autumn. If Missy and Noah were any bit as lovey as those two, I wouldn't be a skeptical about their chances of survival. Lastly, I pretty much just want to bash Noah across the face for being a know-it-all bastard 97% of the time. In other news, my new work buddy, Amy is seriously encouraging me to lose some weight. It's not like she means to but she's a poker... And she tends to get my most embarrassing chubba chub- like my back rollies and my arm jobbys. Very nice and tingly, really. I'm in the last leg of my gluttonous Jill phase... This weekend is the last before we put our house on the market and then I'll never have to be that girl again. Lovely thoughts the day before our SECOND ANNIVERSARY!!! I'm so excited. We're not in Hawaii like we were last year but at least we get an afternoon off together.

RetroPost: 9.19.05

Before I go any farther in time without mentioning this... Missy and Noah got engaged. On September 11. At our house in Fernley. The romance is alive... This is following some serious drama regarding the Eddys and us. Iggy shtuff that was... I'm kinda a grudge holder but I'm going to let sleeping dogs lie or whatever the proper saying is... I'm putting it behind me and moving on. They're different people than they show on the outside and I'm unhappy with the inside that I've seen. But who isn't? Either way, I'll take my husband's side on any matter before I'll try to see eye to eye with someone who won't look at the whole situation. Anyhoo.... Today I'm exploring the subject of honesty. Two people at work have been fired for "dishonesty" in the last two work days. It worries me and is making me feel rather ill, indeed. I have a very vague idea of what they were doing, but in seeing all of this, I pray to God to spare me from the repercussions of the "dishonesties" of my life. What's even the point of lying or fudging things over? I know that's an odd thing to ask God for seeing how He hates liars/cheaters/thieves... but in all the blessings I've had in my life I should ask for forgiveness first and foremost. I've spent a good chunk of my life embellishing on my life to make it sound more interesting and fudging things over for my own personal gain. It's so silly! Just being alive is interesting in of itself, being the precious & enigmatic thing that it is, and I'm so lucky in so many aspects of my life. Why try to make it what it's not? So this is me, God. Please spare myself and my family from the repercussions of my dishonest and selfish actions. I have thoroughly seen the errors of my ways and I am pleading for your forgiveness. Amen. Humbly- Jillian

RetroPost: 9.13.05

{Saved from Xanga} My brief blurb of self-pity from yesterday was so selfish and pointless. Especially now, with all these floaties of life's fragility dancing around my head. Three months ago, I wrote about my classmate, Shelby Ako, dying. Not just dying, being raped and murdered. I was really shaken around that time, having someone I had been friends with in junior high, someone so full of life taken like that. I hadn't seen her since graduation or really even spoken to her through high school, but it hit so hard... Well, I just found out that her little sister, Chassey, died on Saturday. Heart failure. Unbelievable for someone so young. She graduated last year. It makes me feel so sick. I didn't know her at all. Oh my god. I can't even imagine how the family must be feeling right now. When someone dies too young I can't help but wait until I reach whatever age they were and think about how much longer I've been able to live. My first experience with young death was when I was 11 and the sister of my best friend died after a really heinous car accident. She was 16. It was one of the first things I thought about when I turned 16. I think about her every March first. Knowing I've been able to live five years longer than she ever got to makes me feel a little sad and very blessed. With Shelby, as long as I made it to August 11, I got to live longer that she ever did. With Chassey, she was younger than me. Forever young. Life is so precious. I want to go home and love my husband and enjoy our time together with no regrets hanging around. There's no time for regrets. What if yesterday afternoon, he had died on his way back from dropping me off or on the way to or from his class? My whole life would be spent wallowing in the fact that we had a horrible fight about something so trivial and I never got to see his smile again. "Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be."

RetroPost: 9.12.05

{Saved from Xanga} I really hate myself sometimes. I treat my husband badly and now I hate myself. I do wish he didn't dwell on things. I can't ever seem to get things right for more than a day.

RetroPost: 9.9.05

{Saved from Xanga} In the thread of one of my favorite Nest blogs, here is the Jill Thompson version of Random Thought Friday. * Seeing the shiny diamond in a box that Noah had yesterday made me feel tickly. He didn't say anything but I can only assume. I wonder how Missy will react to this. I don't really know her much anymore and I'm hoping to fix that when we move. * In the same vein, hearing about them going to Disneyland at Christmas gave me a feeling I've only felt a few times- neutral jealousy. At first I was jealous (a regular Jill feeling) and it was nearly instantly snuffed. I don't know when Noah plans to do what he's gonna do, but I'm hoping it's in Disneyland at Christmas. Missy deserves a romantic story. * In relation to Disney... I really want to go to Disney World with Billy before we decide to have a baby. It's been nearly eight years since I went and I'd really like to go again. I'm seeing that as a family trip... with the whole "can't-rent-a-car-reasonably-until-you're-25" thing. At the same time, I would really like to go on a trip with just my husband, something we haven't done since our honeymoon. I'll have 5 leave days saved up by December. Maybe I should take a few and run for the hills with my love. * Speaking of family, my parents are driving me nuts with their technique of getting us moved. Hopefully, I can get my mom to stay in Fallon and work on our "apartment" for when we're staying with them. Being around them so much has made me feel like a teenager trying to escape. Which makes me ill-at-ease since I'm a married adult... * I'm eating whatever I want until we move and I'm getting kind of sick of all this junk. Give me a salad and some iced tea! I guess that was the point. Getting all my junky tendencies out of my system. Yucky. *This font is "Batang". I decided on it because it reminded me of a dog my grandma had when I was younger that my uncle had named Joeboo Busstop Fatang Fatang Ole Biscuit Barrel. I miss that dog and I miss my uncle. And my aunt. Never work with family. It turns out badly. Well, I think I'm done for today. It turned out more like Crazy Tangent Friday but that works too.

RetroPost: 9.6.05

{Saved from Xanga} So, I don't usually think about the world- what's going on outside my safe little bubble in Northern Nevada- but since I've become kind of a devoted reader of several blogs I've looked into a few things I wouldn't have otherwise. On MSN Spaces, there's a blog of an ER vet that tends to get me a little misty eyed since I'm a huge animal lover. All animals, great and small, pull on my heartstrings. If I was decent at math and science I probably would've considered a vetrinary career. But I'm not, so I didn't. Anyway, I was reading it today and she talked about watching the news and seeing people being rescued from their rooftop after Hurricane Katrina and they had to leave their lab. I was practically in tears. I had to pull myself together really quickly, but I can't get that out of my head. I couldn't even imagine having to leave behind even one of our babies for any reason. Anyway, because of reading that I ended up donating to a charity that helps animals during disasters. I'm feeling kinda fuzzy about it. God help the victims, on two legs and on four.

RetroPost: 9.1.05

{Saved from Xanga} So, we've kinda been househunting around Fallon this last week. We've seen some nightmare houses, some so-so houses, and some pretty decent houses. But nothing that says, "Jill and Billy Thompson will be happy here!!!" The house I liked the best... our bed wouldn't fit in any of the bedrooms. We have a lot riding on this Fallon move. I want it to be perfect. Or as close to perfect as humanly possible. We deserve a break from our poo life. I'm actually kinda excited about moving back in with my parents. Sounds weird, I know, but I'm not looking at it like a step backwards. I'm looking at it as a transition place, a "halfway house" if you will, between the old, unhappy Thompsons and the Thompsons that really have it together. These weeks prior to our move, I'm being a horrible slob and glutton... while planning what I will become. I want to leave the old Jill in Fernley. The unhappy, fat, exhausted Jill will stay in the demon house and I'll detox slowly at my Mom and Dad's. I'm mentally putting a few goal lists together~ "Things I Want to Do While Living With my Parents to Purge Old Iggy Jill From My System and Start Good Longterm Habits" This list includes physical, mental and marital things. The other list is... "Things I Want to Accomplish Before Adding a Tiny Thompson to the Picture" This includes... purging the old iggy Jill out of my system... and travel and school and what not. I should probably write these goals out and truly get my butt in gear to accomplish them. Ultimately, all roads lead to family- a totally different phase of life I'm not ready for quite yet. Tho' I am looking forward to it, I have to be a different person.

RetroPost: 8.29.05

{Saved from Xanga} Last night, Bear came home!!!!! She's super skinny, smelly, and covered in God knows what but she's alive and back home! The whole thing was really odd... I was feeling blah since I had just seen Bear's kitten picture on the fridge. I went into the bathroom to put my hair back since I had hurty pigtail head. When I came out, Billy was sitting on the bed and decided I was way sexy with my hair pulled back in a ponytail. So, he started kissing on me and I was overcome with this wave of sadness about our missing babies. I told him about it and he said that he knew in his heart that they were alive and we just needed to pray for their safety. When we left the room, Raven was eating the garlic fries we had left on the table and Billy yelled at her. So she ran off with her tail between her legs and opened the dog door with her nose. It's been closed since we've been keeping Tana in. I felt bad that she got yelled out cuz we had locked them out all day, so I was going to go get her and IN WALKS BEAR! Everything clicked together to get my baby back. This ordeal has made me wary of getting our Kero back. Seeing how bad Bear looked after a week... I don't know... But I will not give up hope. God watch over our Kero and try to get him home safely.

RetroPost: 8.26.05

{Saved from Xanga} I have felt like hell all day long today. Last night we went on a thorough search of the neighborhood for Bear and, with a twinge of bittersweet hope, Kero. Losing one kitty is tragic, losing two so close together is heart breaking and suspicious. After our sweep, Billy went to ask our "neighbor" across the street if he's seen anyone suspicious around our yard, since he's a huge busybody peeping tom asshole who would notice something like that. It was a mistake to ask cuz he said some pretty heinous things that made me cry for hours. Pretty much it's been decided that we can't spend much longer living in Fernley. It's too sickening. With a heavy heart, I pray for the safety of our babies.

RetroPost: 8.25.05

{Saved from Xanga} Old Navy gave me a $900 credit line....... We're becoming adults... The only thing we didn't put on credit cards last night was cough drops and dinner at Chili's. We spent about $280 on three different cards which is HUGE for us. But is was exciting. Plus, I'm wearing a cute new outfit. I feel like shit today tho'. We haven't seen Bear in about two days and with Kero missing too I'm out of my mind with worry. God, I hope everything makes a turn for the better when we move. I have extremely high hopes going on. I just hope I don't get screwed over.

RetroPost: 8.24.05

{Saved from Xanga} I feel really embarrassed that I'm STILL obsessing about the COMPLETELY FAKE MADE UP Ash thing. I shouldn't feel this way... This is the weirdest thing I have ever felt and I've had some pretty f*cked up emotions in my day. I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed about writing out these crazy thoughts since no one else can read this blog, but I can't help myself from feeling like a freak. If I write it out, it'll make it a honest-to-god psychological problem... I kind of brought it up to Billy today... leaving out the part about lusting after an NPC.... which, of course, is the part that worries me the most... FREAK!!! Anyways, IN THE REAL WORLD, I'm hoping Billy decided to cut his last Tae Kwon Do class and go back to school shopping in Reno tonight. That would excite me. It'll be weird cuz for the first time ever in our whole married life we'll be putting stuff mainly on credit cards. That makes me feel woogy. I'm going to try to get an Old Navy card today. I assume I'll get it but if not we'll be spending some out of our exploding car money which is supposed to be going to our old house renovations. How very responsible!!! We're still young..... we get to be pathetically irresponsible sometimes. Huzzah! Plus, it'll be fun as hell to hang out like dating kids for an evening. It's weird that Billy randomly decided to go to college but I think it'll be awesome in the long run. I've decided that if he likes it and is going back next semester, I'll go too. I have a lot of credits already, oddly enough, so maybe I'll get a degree just to show that I can be smart sometimes... Woot!

RetroPost: 8.22.05

{Saved from Xanga} Wow, it's been a long time. I just haven't been in the mood to remember anything lately, I suppose. I do feel like writing now since I'm in such an odd mind set. Weird stuff going on in my head. So, last night we finished our role play that we've been doing since January. The ending really threw me for a loop. For the first time ever, Billy gave me a love interest other than Keizo. He gave me this guy named Ash and on Saturday Ash and Serenidy got really serious. Wow, that sounds nutters. But seriously now, I've been dwelling on this and my brain doesn't know how to process it. It feels so tickly... I don't even know how to explain it. The crazy bit is, I kinda like the feeling. Anyways, I think it's just that so much is happening all at once. Kero is missing. That's killing me. We're going to move out of our first house soon. I'm feeling very nostalgic.... I feel like I'm losing everything and my life is going totally wonky. I'm excited to see where we're going from here... but I'm scared. I don't want to be this girl anymore. I want to be more like Serenidy. There's a little bit of crazy in my mind right now and it needs an outlet... When we get out of Fernley, I'm going to leave old Jill there. She can stay and wallow in her discontentment. I was born a Fallon kid... I'll forever be Fallon kid. Even living with my parents again... ODD! But maybe then, I can find that person that I used to know. The one that thought "every curb was an adventure". I lost her somewhere. ~Serenidy

RetroPost: 8.6.05

{Saved from Xanga} Argh. I'm so annoyed at being here right now. I wish we already lived in Fallon so I wouldn't feel so obligated to come to work with Billy on Saturdays. It's not quite fair, really, seeing as he gets Monday off and I don't. Yeah, I don't have to work while I'm here but I don't really think he's working over at his desk right now so DON'T BITCH!!! He likes to bitch about his job. I'm just in a bad mood right now. I don't know what I thought I'd be doing today but I kinda had the mind set that I could keep myself occupied. Well, I've done everything... and there's still three hours left of being here. Ya know, I probably would've stayed home if we didn't have this family thing to go to the evening. Not that I'm complaining about the family thing... Just blargh about sitting here with nothing to do. I don't think that Billy realizes that sitting at a computer with not much to do is work for me. That's what I do at work!!! So, yeah. I guess I'll go to IKEA.com and do some imaginary interior decorating for our "bungalow". Hee hee. Yup Yup Yup... Jilli

RetroPost: How much do we care about independence?

{Saved from The Nest} Argh, we're at a crossroads that I never even considered possible... So, we've been bouncing around ideas, trying to get us into Fallon affordably. We don't want to live in Fernley anymore seeing as we both work here now and our house is starting to fall apart. That and, plain and simple, the commute is killing us royally. Physically (since we're too tired to exercise or cook a decent dinner once we get home), mentally (just knowing that when you wake up there's a long drive ahead of you is killer), and monetarily (gas is insane and the car loves to break down). My parents have this nice piece of property they inheirited about 3 1/2 years ago that they subdivided into three lots. They sold the one with the house on it for hella cheap to my grandparents about two years ago, sold one last year and have had the middle lot sitting there. They offered it to us for $40K which sounded great last year but now, with the Fallon housing bubble the way it is, it's worth more than double that. I feel bad having them practically sitting on a gold mine, offering it to us for a few pieces of silver, so to speak. So, that's the main option we've been kicking at, but I'm fairly certain we can't afford it even with the awesome price. So here's the dilemma... Last night, dear mom and dad put out another proposition. They're allowed to build a "guest house" on their lot... So the idea is... build this "guest house" and "rent" it out to us. In all honesty, I'm thinking this is a wonderful horrible idea. It would be so cheap and it would be the perfect little house... But in the same aspect, it seems to be a huge step backwards for us and our independence. Yes, with the other lot we'd be living next door to my grandparents... but this would literally be living in my mom and dad's backyard. It was one thing getting married in their backyard... Since I've had this on my mind, I'll be going along thinking it's a great idea since it would be so cheap. Then, suddenly, I'll panic about how bad of an idea it really is. Truly though, it's the only way we could afford to move to Fallon right now unless we got rid of everything we've ever worked for and started to rent again. I am so confused!!!! Argh! ~Jilli

RetroPost: 8.3.05

Argh, we're at a crossroads that I never even considered possible... So, we've been bouncing around ideas, trying to get us into Fallon affordably. We don't want to live in Fernley anymore seeing as we both work here now and our house is starting to fall apart. That and, plain and simple, the commute is killing us royally. Physically (since we're too tired to exercise or cook a decent dinner once we get home), mentally (just knowing that when you wake up there's a long drive ahead of you is killer), and monetarily (gas is insane and the car loves to break down). My parents have this nice piece of property they inheirited about 3 1/2 years ago that they subdivided into three lots. They sold the one with the house on it for hella cheap to my grandparents about two years ago, sold one last year and have had the middle lot sitting there. They offered it to us for $40K which sounded great last year but now, with the Fallon housing bubble the way it is, it's worth more than double that. I feel bad having them practically sitting on a gold mine, offering it to us for a few pieces of silver, so to speak. So, that's the main option we've been kicking at, but I'm fairly certain we can't afford it even with the awesome price. So here's the dilemma... Last night, dear mom and dad put out another proposition. They're allowed to build a "guest house" on their lot... So the idea is... build this "guest house" and "rent" it out to us. In all honesty, I'm thinking this is a wonderful horrible idea. It would be so cheap and it would be the perfect little house... But in the same aspect, it seems to be a huge step backwards for us and our independence. Yes, with the other lot we'd be living next door to my grandparents... but this would literally be living in my mom and dad's backyard. It was one thing getting married in their backyard... Since I've had this on my mind, I'll be going along thinking it's a great idea since it would be so cheap. Then, suddenly, I'll panic about how bad of an idea it really is. Truly though, it's the only way we could afford to move to Fallon right now unless we got rid of everything we've ever worked for and started to rent again. I am so confused!!!! Argh! ~Jilli

RetroPost: 8.2.05

{Saved from Xanga} Good God, time passes way to quickly... Kevin left yesterday and it left us all more than a little melancholy. It is kind of nice having the house to ourselves again, tho'. Billy was sweet enough to realize I was feeling a little sick and a little sad about Kevin leaving while at the same time, feeling very drained from the last three weeks. So, being the sweetie that he is, he skipped class and spent the evening with me. Strangely, we both have subconsciously decided to do something to get healthy. I think it was that we spent a month goofing off and since we were getting back to just the two of us on the first day of a new month, it seemed like a good time to make some changes. So we went shopping for healthy food. Which was NOT a relaxing experience. Enlightening as it was, it was tiring!!! See, if we give Tasha cash, she'll give us double that in groceries with her food stamps. Since she's not the brightest when it comes to money (obviously, seeing as they're a welfare/rez family with a brand new Expedition...), we take advantage of it! Unfortunately, it was the first and about 80% of Fallon is on food stamps so it was PACKED. With a capital PACKED. We waited in line for a half hour! So, my elightenment. First off, I have discovered how odd it is to see the dregs of Fallon come up and go shopping. To see these unhealthy looking parents with their dirty, straggly kids with carts of fruit snacks, sugar cereal, soda, and Popsicles was a real eye-opener. I feel just that much more on top of things and blessed to have what we have. It's not much, but it's more than a lot of people have! Not just in material things, but common sense and money management skills. I pride myself in the way I handle our checkbook. It's my one wifely duty that I really excel at. (I can be smug sometimes... hee hee) Anyway, I also learned that I am so not ready for a kid. It was actually kind of a conflict of interest. On the one hand, there was Billy, my gentle giant of a husband, with a bright blue Snugli wrapped around him, looking down at our baby nephew, Chayse, cooing and making faces, bouncing up and down, positively glowing with baby love. It was so adorable. I know he's going to be an awesome dad. But on the other hand, there I was holding a spit-uppy baby while trying to drag two carts of groceries around while he got heavier and stinkier with each passing moment. No babies for us! -K- I gotta go... Jilli

RetroPost: 7.29.05

{Saved from Xanga} So, Missy wasn't mad at me, she was mad at Noah due to yet another gay misunderstanding... Unfortunately, that meant that we spent last night doing nothing since they were fighting. We did go up to Reno to get the boys their tattoos and it ended up being a bust. Between the fighting and our total lack of planning, we drove up there for nothing. So we went home. They seemed to be OK- shaky, of course, as you usually feel after a fight- but they went home last night. It's understandable. You don't want to be away from where you're most comfortable when you feel so uncomfortable. Anyway, the only good thing (sort of) that came out of our pointless trip was the fact that some chick was getting a tattoo on her lower back when we went in and I am now 100% convinced I'm NOT getting a tattoo. I feel kinda bad cuz Kevin and Stef gave me tattoo money for my birthday and they did the same for Missy... But I just don't think I could get myself to do it. No, I know I couldn't. And I won't. So now I have $100. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet... save it. Having cash like that without a purpose sort of freaks me out. That and I've never had birthday money before. Weird. Anyway, I just hope they get over it and come back to the house for role playing tonight and our Birthday Bash tomorrow. Whatever happens, happens I guess. I'm feeling anxious, tho'.

RetroPost: 7.28.05

{Saved from Xanga} Well, now I'm 21 and it doesn't feel like anything special. Billy did his preoccupied best at making my day special and did an all right job of it. I seriously considered playing hooky today but thought the better of it... But the day's almost over and I'll be back at home exhausting myself again with all our friends. I hope Missy's not mad since I'm sure at this point she's caught wind that I don't want to get a tattoo. It was a very serious consideration for a couple days but I'm fairly sure I'm not going through with it. The idea makes me feel sick at this point so, no. I'm not even sure if Billy and Kevin are going to do it anymore. Maybe. Maybe not. We'll see. I'm not really looking forward to life going back to normal on Monday. I've felt too complete these last couple weeks. We're just falling into the groove of being a group again and now it's damn near over. I'm going to enjoy every last drop of these next couple of days. Many happy thoughts, Jilli

RetroPost: 7.26.05

{Saved from Xanga} Tomorrow's my birthday!!! After bypassing some serious hard feelings about Billy having the day off and me having to work, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'll just wake him up so he can't sleep in and then make him do something nifty for me when I get off work! Anyway, what I'm really looking forward to is Saturday- Missy and I are finally doing a joint birthday party the way we always should have. We're doing a roving 3-course meal each with it's complimentary alcoholic beverage. And the whole group will be together just as it always should have been. After that, we'll all go our seperate ways but we have this weekend... I wish Kevin wasn't leaving already. He makes the group feel complete again. So here I am on the eve of my 21st birthday and life is looking good and looking up. There's nothing we can't do...

RetroPost: Summer has its ups and downs...

{Saved from The Nest} I think my Billy is going to strangle me one of these nights. Not on purpose, just out of exasperation. I know if I were him, I'd be exasperated with me too. I. CANNOT. DEAL. WITH. HEAT. Seeing as I'm a lifelong Nevadan who was born in the middle of summer, you'd think I'd be used to it by now. But no. I can't take it in any form. So nights are the worst for I am a cranky kid without sleep. I doze off slightly just to awake hot and sticky and thirsty all the while ranting and raving and cursing and causing a horrible ruckus that wakes him up. Our little swamp cooler in the living room has been working double time as of late and it seems to only cool down the front room. It might cool down our bedroom, seeing as the little window fan in there does next to nothing, but we have to keep the door closed at night since one precious little kitty likes to pee on laundry (and sometimes beds) and our fabulous black labs want to sleep on our bed... So no. Not to mention their panting drives me up the wall especially when I'm hot and Puka the Farting Dog could wake the dead when she let's one off. There's just no happy medium... Anyway, I DO like summer. Billy, me and my best friend, Missy are all summer babies so at the very least it's a happy kind of celebration season. I just spend a good part of my night with sincere prayers of one day having central air conditioning... ~jilli~

RetroPost: 7.20.05

{Saved from Xanga} I knew from the moment I sliced my thumb on the box of donuts this morning that today held oddities of a disastrous nature. Well, perhaps not disastrous. But certainly something off would be lurking in the shadows of the day as it progressed. I didn't have to wait very long. Just another half hour drive to see that the new girl's car wasn't in the parking lot again. I voiced the fact that if she kept this up, she would get fired, regardless of the fact that we're perpetually short-handed. Ah, but another few minutes took me inside where my two supervisors were standing behind the teller line with looks on their faces showing a mix of worry, incredulity and a slight whisper of jaded amusement. Seeing as I'm in a Harry Potter mindset at the moment, I'm beginning to view the receptionist position almost as the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. The girl that was originally hired for the position, Daylene, went to work in another branch one day, and never came back. So they gave the position to Jenn because she was pregnant at the time and wouldn't have to be on her feet. When she went on "maternity leave" (aka faking bed rest to get a long chunk of time off while still keeping her job), I got saddled with it, grumbling all the way. I hold the all time receptionist record, sitting there for SIX FRICKIN' MONTHS!!! Tho' I can't complain too much. I don't mind getting paid to sit there and go online all day. Anyway, even after Jenn got back, I stayed there since she was bringing her baby to work. After she quit, they had no choice but to bring me back to the teller line seeing as now, I was the teller with the most experience, aka the only teller. In the meantime, Faith was pushing them to hire Noah which was a mistake. I knew for a fact that he really didn't want the job, but against my advice, he got talked into it. He was receptionist for all of three days, while I was training in California, before he quit to go to a job he really wanted, which was really no job at all. Since they had already given my back my teller station, that I was going to hold onto for dear life, they plopped Kori down behind the front desk which she obviously loathed. Finally, they hired Adriana who seemed like a godsend. Someone with banking experience who was friendly, quick to learn, and spoke Spanish. Perfect! But here we are, a month later, and she's turned in her keys. This is quite hilarious, indeed. Who next, I wonder? And how long will they last?

RetroPost: -_-;;;;;;

{Saved from The Nest} Back at work, days seem endless when your looking forward to something. I'm going to be taking a half a week off to visit with a good friend of mine from out of town. I sure wish my wife had enough time to take off of, well she does...only backwards.... But soon she'll get back on track and then we can take another vacation cause we need it. I think everyone should get a vacation at least once a month even if its just for a 3-day weekend. just something. I can't think of working the rest of my life so i'm trying to come up with an idea to get me rich so i can retire early anyone got an ideas???? keizo Love you baby, only 2 months and a little till you've had me for 2 years... crazy huh?

RetroPost: 7.18.05

{Saved from Xanga} This weekend seemed so long, it seemed a mute point to come back to work today. Necessary evil, tho', seeing as we spent a junk load of money as of late. But, hell. It was fun. Missy and I had some girl time of Friday for the first time in forever and it was really amazingly fun. Then, the five of us drank ourselves stupid... Saturday was pretty boring, but I did finish my tarty British book! I did that while half-watching Million Dollar Baby- not my favorite movie ever but it contained the BEST quote ever! "There are no demi-gods, you f*cking pagan!" Hee hee! Anyways, after that I konked out on the floor due to lack of sleeping off the alcohol. The boys started playing some weird linked Gameboy game that they played for like six hours. After my nap, I buckled down to read the Order of the Phoenix. As of the moment, I'm now a little over half way through. When Billy & Kevin go to Carson tonight, I'm going to read my butt off. So yeah. By the end of Saturday, my brain was mush and I was slightly grouchy about the nothingness of the day. In retrospect, I think each of us needed the nothing for one reason or another. The thing that perked me up was Missy saying no to Doug's Saturday offer. It's not entirely Missy-like to turn down a free-lobster-in-Sacramento adventure in exchange for lounging on our dingy old sofa with our stinky dogs for a whole day. Yay! Things are looking up considerably for us crazy kids. Anyway, we made up for our lack of action yesterday. Kevin carted us up to Reno in his rental (world's scariest driver...) and we tried for Vietnamese which ended up being closed ("no noodles today!" ) thus sending us to Chili's (where Missy's lesbian side came out about the waitress' ass, tweeking out Kevin) where we came up with the plan for our birthday (going to three different restaurants and getting an appetizer, entree, and dessert each from a different place with a complementing alcoholic beverage- aka getting the satisfaction of using our newly important IDs and not getting totally shnonkered 30 miles from home) then popped over to Barnes & Noble for Harry Potter (there is nothing more beautiful then stepping into a bookstore and wrapping your hands around a thick, freshly printed book... feeling the weight in your hands... being tantalized by the idea of losing yourself in a storyline... becoming a student of Hogwarts and watching every move of Harry Potter... ) then we went to Target for movie candy and went to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (which was totally nutters but funny as hell ) and onward home where us girls read and the boys played Yu-Gi-Oh. Kick ass weekend. So here I am back at work... BLAH! And if I hear Sue laugh one more time I just may snap... Argh... Hating... job... blech. And it doesn't look like we'll be getting any money from our blue car seeing as some dumbass blew it up... Funny really. Maybe we'll get more from insurance then we would selling it... That would be cool. Or we won't get anything. Either way, it's out of our driveway and we don't have to pay for repairs. So, I've talked too much. Bye bye! ~Jilli~

RetroPost: Blarg...

{Saved from The Nest} Well, here we are, just a spit from two months away from our second anniversary. It seems odd that we were able to go to Hawaii for our first anniversary and now we're hoping to squeeze in an overnighter in a hotel nearby... Very odd indeed. It's not that we couldn't go somewhere nifty, albeit not Hawaii (seeing as we went on a spendy vacation not so long again). It's just I've managed to suck the very life from my leave hours. My employer has a wonky way of giving leave... we get a certain amount of leave hours per pay period and they go to everything, vacation, sick days, etc. So here I sit with a negative balance of leave. And I don't rightly want to get on probation for something so ridiculous. What it is with me and my attendance at work? I just really hate working, no matter what the job. Not lazy, per se, just more interested in my life outside working. I couldn't imagine being a workaholic. Well, I'm exhausted out of my head from our pretty weekend... See ya! *Jilli*

RetroPost: 7.15.05

{Saved from Xanga} I'm thisclose to totally tweeking out, but I think I'll be able to keep my cool. My sarcastic, tarty self is starting to leak out and as long as she doesn't give way to my whiny, tantrum-throwing self, I'll be able to deal. Hee hee, tarty. I'm reading a British book, can you tell? And it's not Harry Potter. Not yet. Not until tomorrow. YAY I read this synopsis of the last five books and I totally forgot how the last book went. I'm wondering if I can even imagine trying to read it by tomorrow... Um, no. I could try tho'. As long as I didn't Potter myself out. This will be kinda odd since I've been reading the books to Billy at night. We're almost out of second year so popping myself into sixth year... I don't know. I'm in a 12 year old Harry mindset not 16... Yeah, I'm gonna put Jemima J to the side (I'm still mad at her for losing all that weight...lol) try to fly myself through the Order of the Phoenix in two days. Good god, I didn't mean to go on this tangent... Oh, well. I don't feel like bringing out the flumpy-ness of the edges of my life the past few days. I'm just going to hope all is well and it dandies up by the time I see the boys again tonight. Onward, life... *flump flump flump* Jilli

RetroPost: 7.14.05

{Saved from Xanga} I'm not sure where I stand on this day. It's pretty much your average Thursday except that I'm the only Thompson working today. Since Kevin is here, Billy's taking a few days off. I'm trying very hard not to rain on his parade... I tend to do that when I have to work and he doesn't. It doesn't help that I'm exceptionally annoyed with work right now. I personally would really really like to get some leave time again... so I've been subconsciously working for WOWs... Unfortunately, anything I do that is pretty nifty is being totally ignored. I started an inventory from scratch, I put together new daily work folders... I've been kicking butt getting the teller line organized and the supplies in check. But then I get bitched at about the loan checking after I was told that Faith would be doing them now. Painful. Oh well. The longer I stay, the better in looks on an application for a better job later. This fits my life for the most part. Except that I have no leave... and I really want to leave. I'm ready to get the hell out of here. I'm never taking a sick day for sickness ever again... Unless I'm puking or whatever. No sick days and lots of time off for myself. Yup. I should start taking amazing care of myself so I can play hooky. Wow, there's so long until my lunch. Argh. Jilli

RetroPost: 7.7.05

{Saved from Xanga} Mediocre. Such an interesting looking word for something that means "blah". According to Merriam-Webster... "of moderate or low quality, value, ability, or performance: so-so, ordinary". I've been thinking about that word lately, and how it pertains to my life. I live in my mediocre house. I dress my mediocre body in my mediocre clothes and drive to my mediocre job in my mediocre car. I don't neccessarily want to be extraordinary. I just want our life to be special. How funny for a word to have antonyms that are antonyms, ranging from exquisite to inadequate. Yup, mediocre is right down the middle. Our House: stuffy, stinky, dirty, messy, broken, crappy yard, badly laid out-- but owned- in a decent neighborhood in a decent town (both of which, when you think about it, are mediocre in of themselves). My Body: chubby, need a haircut, need whiter teeth, need to stop biting my nails, looks terrible naked, out of shape, lazy ass makeup, always looks tired-- but not obese sometimes cute even. My Clothes: they're either too tight or too big, I have no style whatsoever these days-- but I'm not ugly and usually not too scary. My Job: time consuming, boring, redundant, low pay-- but it's easy and I know from experience that it could be a hell of a lot worse! Our car: check engine light, driver side window stuck up, so many miles, shifter on the floor, freaking tiny cup holders, owe $1050 on it still--but it's ours and it goes. Mediocre. I wish I could just be happy with that... or at the very least figure out how to stop being a lazy ass and fix a few things here and there. Argh.

RetroPost: 7.1.05

{Saved from Xanga} Yay for July! I love July and not just because it's my birthday month. Just the name of the month sounds nifty, there's fireworks and usually those awesome Nevada lightning storms. I'm really happy with today. July 1. You know what good today means? It means that we got through yesterday unscathed. Yes! I'm hoping that it was abiding by the "bad things come in threes" rule and the June 30 curse never rears it's ugly head again. Anyway, I'm really excited about today since it's a three-day weekend this weekend and we're going to San Francisco! Woot! I've been there a million times but not recently. And not with Billy. Everything's different and more fun when I get to do with my hubby. I'm soooo excited! Yay yay yay! It is 5 yet??? ~ Jilli

RetroPost: 6.30.05

{Saved from Xanga} Today is, well, THE DAY. The worst day of the year, ending the worst month. June is always bad. June is our bad month. Always has been. Since the beginning. June 30 is our bad day. Always has been. Since the beginning. 2002 started it... Billy's dad died. 2003... A good day actually, until the night. Billy tweeks... breaks a tree... All hell breaks loose and such. 2004... Not a bad day either, really. Until we get home and my baby kitty, Aisha, was dead. I will never get that mental picture out of my head. Seeing her like that, puking in the weeds next to the driveway. Driving the little kittens down to Fallon, crying. Holding Bear cuz she was scared of being in the basket. We have eight hours to go to get thru this day. Scary thought considering the last two years have proved THE DAY to be fine until evening. I'm so scared. God help us, please. Please break this insanity.

RetroPost: 6.29.05

{Saved from Xanga} Blargh... I'm exhausted. The night before last we we're up until 2 am talking to Noah about Missy. Then last night, Billy and I finally had that pent up blow out... Painful, that it was. Is everything fixed? Hopefully. I think the only thing that will stick with me from that fight was, " You're not always a good f*ck either, Jill, but I would never fake..." That was pain. For both of us. But now things are pretty much back to normal. Other than the fact that I could fall asleep at any moment, that is. Just THUNK right on the counter. Hopefully, we have a really relaxing night. I don't even think I really want dinner. Maybe we'll stop by the store and get cereal... That sounds pretty good, actually. Cereal and scary Asian movies. Sounds like a good night. In other news, I finally got a raise!!! WOOT! It's only up to $8.50 but hell. I can't complain too much. More money is more money. OMG, I'm going to fall asleep!!! Damn, work blows sometimes. I sure do wish I had some leave hours. I don't think we'll be able to go on an anniversary trip this year. If I could just get eight hours saved up by the end of September, we could have a three-day weekend... I don't know if it's even possible tho'. I'll have to figure it out. Amazingly, I'm only 2 WOWs away from 2 1/2 hours of leave. I have to do amazing things. So, yeah. Well, I think I'm done for the moment cuz I can't concentrate right now. Later!

RetroPost: 6.28.05

{Saved from Xanga} Nope, I was wrong about skipping my indescretions. I can still feel the tears in my eyes, dried in the corners- the ones I wouldn't let escape. Tears of shame drop hot on days like these. We've had some rough spots in our relationship- as boyfriend and girlfriend and even more so as a married couple. This one, unfortunately, is panning out to be at the top of the list. It's so painful because I have no idea what's going on. I wish we could just let it go, but it's not that easy. Billy is hurting profoundly. There's no easy outs. We have to fix this. I don't know how. "Sometimes, I think I have it together. Most of the time, I don't."

RetroPost: 6.27.05

{Saved from Xanga} It seems as tho' we've been able to skip over my last indiscretion. Billy left well enough alone- so I didn't persue the situation. Hopefully I can figure myself out. In lieu of fighting, we ended up having a kick ass Sunday together. We started out our day sleeping in. Upon walking out into our disastrous living room and seeing all the dog hair everywhere, I decided it was Doggy Bath Time. I got into my swimsuit and grabbed Raven, but I couldn't get her collar off which brought me to Billy who decided me in my swimsuit was just too much sexinessesses... and he had his way with me... Then we took a nap... After our nap, I actually got around to washing the dogs. Raven picked out the oatmeal shampoo that smelled awesome. In washing them, I found out where all the hair was coming from... Puka!!! Good God! After cleaning out the shower and taking one myself, we had a PB&J breakfast while watching Knight's Tale. Yay! Then, Billy decided he wanted to clean the house, an idea I was none to keen on. We settled on cleaning his room together and then seeing where we went from there. We hella got his room looking kick ass- mainly because part way through I decided when were done we should go to Reno and buy Spiral and get spring rolls. That totally got us going so we could get to Best Buy in time. Which we did. Then we had an awesome time in Reno together. We got Spiral (woot!) and an Asian horror movie. I'm so addicted... Then we had Taco Bell for lunch (hee hee) and stopped by Pho for our dinner for later. From there it was the Asian store for candy which seemed great until this morning when I tried to enjoy my iced coffee.. expiration date: May 18. GROSS!!! So now I don't know if I trust them anymore... So, anyway, we went home and cleaned the whole frickin' house practically. All I have to do now is our room including the bathroom and closet and my room and of course general organizing of cupboards and whatnot. I'll probably get a lot done tonight even! So... while Billy straightened the shed, I picked up an entire garbage bag full of trash that the dogs dragged outside!!! Slobs... (us and the dogs!) Then, we watched our anime until sleepy time! What an awesome day. I'm not usually one for journal entries that are a blow by blow of my day, but it was the most relaxed I've been in ages and I want to remember it... Hurrah! ~Serenidy~

RetroPost: 6.25.05

{Saved from Xanga} Well, here it is... the weekend. But here I am... at my parents' house still in my jammies wondering if Billy is still pissed off at me. This is a situation that just keeps popping up... it always has ever since we moved in together nearly three years ago. Sometimes, I just really don't want to be touched. Billy always wants to touch me. Actually, it's not so much being touched- I like that. It's how he touches me. A caress here, a little kiss there... that's cool and makes me feel loved. When he grabbed me last night, I knew that the point was he wanted to "make love". But like I said before, when it was forbidden and exciting, I was all for it. Now that it's expected, seeing as we're married, I could take it or leave it. Sometimes, it's fun and wonderful. Usually, it's not. I've never said that straightforward, it would kill him. It pisses him off so bad when I push him away. I expect that this day is going to be spent convicing him of... something. But I don't know how to explain it to him. "I'm sorry but when you grab me like that I think you'll want sex and I rarely want to have sex with you so please stop and we'll have a good relationship. Talk to me when we're ready to have kids. Then we'll see." ...? I don't think so. That would kill any shred of a possiblility that our marriage could be happy. Honestly, I don't know how to fix it. I HATE being tickled. I HATE being carressed when I just want to be left alone. I HATE telling him to stop and seeing the crestfallen look on his face, knowing the one he wants doesn't want him. He pushes too hard. I told him that once. It turned into a two day fight. I don't want that again but he won't listen to me. I sound crazy. I am crazy. We haven't even been married two years. How can I deal with this problem for the rest of my life?!?

RetroPost: 6.24.05

{Saved from Xanga} Soooo... yeah, I think I'm really sick of this particular job. It's been a year and I have more responsibilities than my pay equals. Give me eight bucks, I'll give you eight bucks worth of work then I'm done. I'm here for the paycheck ONLY. I'm not going to go above and beyond for something that is so trivial in my life. Granted, I really like being a teller and I'm good at it. Do I ever want to be a loan officer? No. Anyway, when I was receptionist, I'd do their busy work... That was my job. It's not anymore. I'll do it when you hand it to me but I won't like it! And don't give me a song and dance about how to file the frickin' denials!!! I don't care how important it is- I just found a stack of them that have been in a drawer for easily a month and I don't see anyone asking for them. I didn't mean to leave them in a drawer, I was pretty surprised to see them at all. Either way, it was proven how trivial that was too. I'm so sick of working in general. Leave me be and let me be a teller. (Sorry for the vent.- Good God, is it the weekend yet???) ~Jilli~ Sidenote of life: I'm assuming that our future baby will be a Gerber Baby just as our "babies" now are Purina Pets. We're name brand parents.

RetroPost: 6.23.05

{Saved from Xanga} I think I could've been in a good mood today if I didn't have OBLIGATIONS tonight. I want friends, (who doesn't) but this is getting really ridiculous. What they don't understand is the difference of a shite-y high school relationship and my total bitchness as a friend, and a marriage complete with a non stop kind of life with responsibilities. Now is the worst time ever to try to repair this friendship... I know it's all a big misunderstanding that has never had the chance to be explained in the last three years, but not tonight!!! I'm still trying to keep Billy happy since I've been being a bad wife while at the same time trying to repair the friendship that needed work like 4 years ago. Four years ago to the day actually. Yup. I'm so sick of this bullshit. I don't even know if it's worth it at all. And all this in the wee hours (well, days) before JUNE 30. 'Nuff said... ARGH!!!! Help me please. I can't take it anymore!!! Jill!

RetroPost: 6.21.05

{Saved from Xanga} I am feeling exceptionally BLAH today. My day started with yet another blast from the past... Whitney Goings, my little boy band friend of freshman year, came in to pay her mom's loan. It was cool to see her after all this time but it totally slammed me into the wall that blocks me from having really good self esteem... The last three years has taken her from cute high school girl to completely gorgeous college chick. There was a few seconds before she figured out who I was, out of context and all that, but when she said, "I didn't even recognize you!" I got so self conscious I didn't even know how to deal with it. I'm thinking, "Yeah... that's what an extra 40 pounds and total exhaustion in life will do to ya..." Which has been resounding in my head all day and being the person that I have become, I fed it with chocolate at lunch and will continue to feed it with ice cream later this afternoon. Good Lord, I'm in such a downward spiral... help me please... , Jill

RetroPost: Back Again

{Saved from The Nest} Trying to get back into the mix of things, always seems hard. I think I need another vacation, yes already. ^_^ but yeah dealing with work and martial arts takes up all my time. I'd love to just forget it all, and do nothing... oh well. Well my wife and I are getting close to our 2nd anniversay. Wonder what we'll do? At this point we got no clue. At least we are getting better at talking once more. Things seemed to hit a wall on our communication to each other, not sure what happened all I know was something would happen, then it would be my fault, then later on it wouldn't be. I wasn't sure if I was to be upset or sorry? So thats slowly being taken care of thankfully. Not sure I could take much more....-_-;;; But now things are moving forward again, as we both can't wait to see each other at the end of the day cause lunch would have been 3 hours before that. I love being in love! Its great. It makes me stronger and gives me confidince in myself and in my relationship. Seeing all those peole who are just married and have no love, their misserable sad little exsistace hanging on by the 4 letter word “Love” by neither of which really mean, but still rarely use. I cna't think of a day when Jill and I haven't said “I love you” less than 3 times a day. So yeah its good! I Love you baby! Billy

RetroPost: 6.20.05

{Saved from Xanga} Laundry... almost done. House... dirty. Not completely. Stomach... empty. Not entirely looking forward to sub sandwich provided by the workplace. Today is supposedly "Employee Appreciation Day". I will feel appreciated if 1) I get a raise or 2) I actually get drawn in the drawing for a nifty summertime prize. One week and one day until my official one-year anniversary here. I was antsy for a raise 6 months ago. Compensation problems. Yup yup yup. Well, anyway. I get to go home again tonight and do more laundry!!! Almost lunchtime. One step closer to... laundry. Could be worse. Hey, I'm even sorta looking forward to it. -K- I'm too hyped for lunch to write anymore... Jilli

RetroPost: 6.17.05

{Saved from Xanga} Thank God it's Friday. A weekend without anything expected of me... That's nice. I'm going to kick it off by hanging out at home by myself and doing laundry while Billy goes to class. I hope it beats the grump out of him. He's exasperated by working for my dad today. It makes sense and I know he can't work there forever... but it's convenient at the moment. Not very lucrative, but convenient nevertheless. Anyway, laundry. We've let our house go. Again. It seems laundry and dishes are the two key points that keep our house from looking it's best. It's nasty. Kevin is coming to visit in a few weeks and it has to be in at least decent shape or we'll give him an asthma attack. So... I'm annoyed with being here and pretty "blah" about doing anything. It's strange. The new girl is so gung-ho about helping people and she's being a little too efficient. Rargh. Weekend, here I come! ~ Jilli~

RetroPost: 6.16.05

{Saved from Xanga} Being aware of your own mortality is an uneasy feeling. Yesterday I found out a girl from my class was murdered. I can't stop thinking about it. We were friends in junior high but not in high school. Either way, she was someone you could describe as "full of life". I haven't shed a tear for Shelby Ako but her death and the few childhood memories I have of her weigh on my mind heavily. It's funny. I always remembered her birthday since it was exactly two months before mine. So if I live to August 11th, I will be older than she ever got to be...

RetroPost: 6.15.05

{Saved from Xanga} What is wrong with me?!? It was so wonderful when it was forbidden... I couldn't get enough. Now that it's pure and oh so expected... I don't want to be touched. Good lord... Help...

RetroPost: 6.14.05

{Saved from Xanga} Yep, yep. They keep feeding us and thus I actually made a mistake today. Not so much the food I ate, but the bitching I did. Sorry Billy! If this is going to be a way of life, I can't do that again. If I'm so inclined, I will eat a frickin' Spicy Chicken Burrito. In either case, I've learned how fatty it actually is and next time I'll get a Grilled Steak Soft Taco with no creamy lime sauce. I really DO need an attitude adjustment as my mum always told me as a kid. Get over yourself, little girl. Until you learn to do that, you'll just be the shy fat chick with an unadventurous life... Perking up... , ~Serenidy~

RetroPost: 6.13.05

{Saved from Xanga} Well, it looks like cereal for dinner which I'm OK with. My parents keep taking us out to lunch. I'm not gorging like I usually do but I'm not being wonderfully good. I could've been, but I didn't feel like salad. In other news, Faith is in with Linda right now for her one-year review. That means I'm up soon which hopefully means a raise. I certainly hope so. Eight bucks an hour can only go so far. We're doing OK, but the sad thing is if we were to have a kid right now with our salaries, we'd easily qualify for welfare I'm sure. I guess the sadder thing is that when I go to the health nurse we don't even claim Billy's pay and we still pay more per pill pack then most! OK, I'm bored. See ya! Jilli

RetroPost: 6.11.05

{Saved from Xanga} Well, so far so good. I've only done two stupid things as far as this body overhaul goes. First, I went for a walk. In my work shoes. Blisters!!!! Aargh. Then, yesterday, while I didn't gorge like I usually do, I did go to the Mexican stand at Lattin Farms and had a yummy gordita. This in itself wasn't the mistake. The name of the game is "moderation". Unfortuately for my tastebuds, I made up for it with this heinous nutritional bar. It sounded OK when I bought it but it didn't taste very good. Nevertheless, it filled me up all right. Then I had a cookie but I only had one so I was proud of myself. Go me! Anyway, the reason I had the urge to write was because of the article I just read. The Backstreet Boys are coming out with a new album on Tuesday. I was surprised to read it's been nearly five years since Black and Blue. Can it be? Yes, it can. I remember that day since I crashed my car. Good lord time passes so fast. I was also surprised in how much I'm actually looking forward to it. Some things you just don't grow out of I suppose. It was my decree to KTBPA forever. Hard to believe that started when I was in junior high. Almost eight years ago... Jeez. I hate time. If only I could have more control over it... Being able to go back... No more of this crazy talk. The past is where it belongs. ~Jilli~

RetroPost: 6.9.05

{Saved from Xanga} I have been informed today that I have gained 11 pounds in the last year. That means I have gained exactly 41 pounds in the three years since high school. That's an average of 13.67 pounds a year! That's terrible. The fat bus stops here, my 41 friends. You will now be murdered one by one. I can no longer stand the sight of you. Goal #1: Get rid of the disgressions of 2004. (168) Goal #2: Get rid of the disgressions of 2003 and get out of the overweight category. (154) Goal #3: Get rid of the disgressions of 2002 and get back to my original happy weight! (140) Goal #4: Enjoy and maintain! WOOT! For real this time, y'all. Luvz! *Jilli Bean!*

RetroPost: 5.24.05

{Saved from Xanga} I just found out that I am a Wavy BBQ Potato Chip and I think that's a very good thing to be. Between that and my citrus hand sanitizer that is sitting nicely next to me and the fact that when I go home, the bed will be made and the house will be straightened, today's going to be a really good day. So many things are already going well. I see nothing but sunshine and lollipops this day... May 24, I like you! ~Jilli~

RetroPost: 5.23.05

{Saved from Xanga} Well, the weekend went by entirely too fast... It's rather depressing. Oh, well... Either way, short as it was, it was fun. On Saturday, we went and saw Star Wars. Strangely, it struck a chord with me and I can't get it out of my head. Yesterday, we just made horrible lazy slobs of ourselves. The best part, I think, was lounging in bed after we woke up and reading Harry Potter. And then it was over. We have a messy house brought to you by the hurricane that is us... I am highly considering skipping Carson tonight and cleaning my heart out. I'll probably skip it either way since I'm feeling really off today. I woke up at 6 with a splitting headache, most likely spurred by the vivid dream about Chris... I haven't had one of those in damn near a year. It took an exceptionally long time to let everything go. Too long really. But once I did, everything got so much better and I was able to get our life really together. Billy and I have the best relationship! So the dream shocked the hell out of me. Way back when, the dreams made me feel wistful and sad- they messed me up for the whole rest of the day. What finally got my head on straight was thinking about what life would be like if I was still with him. When we were together, I was in high school and pretty naive about what it meant to be on your own. Thinking now about how he acted his first year out of high school, I realize that he was an irresponsible ass. I couldn't even imagine being that immature and I know for a fact there's no way he would've stood for the way I handle finances. Why set aside for vacations when you could be buying a keg every weekend?!? Um, no. So, anyway, after my epiphany, the dreams stopped completely. Even after I accidentally found out he worked at Borders and I kept seeing him over and over. Even after his parents got a loan at the credit union. So last night threw me for a loop and made me feel so dirty. After that, I tossed and turned in bed and waited for 7:15 to roll around. Once it did, my headache was duller but still there. Then, once I got moving, I felt nasueous but couldn't throw up. That feeling hung on for a good long time. I'm still feeling pretty out of it. So, of course, the pregnant thing came up again as it does everytime I feel a little bit off. This time, tho', I wouldn't be surprised. I don't think I could deal with that. Well, I'd have to. But I know if we got pregnant now, we'd be stuck in our Fernley house for a very long time. That, and I would never lose weight. Ever. So, I'm a little freaked. But whatever happens happens. Everything happens for a reason. Life rocks that way. ~Serenidy~

RetroPost: I've got the work blues...

{Saved from The Nest} It's rather unfortunate that work always seems just that much more pointless when you get back from vacation. I'm tripping out....... Hate... working... It really has nothing to do with the job. My job is easy and pays OK considering all the free benefits. It's just that working in general seems like such a waste of time. I would love to be at home right now- I would do the dishes and laundry, plant some flowers and dig out some weeds, take the dogs for a walk, make dinner for my hubby... I could totally deal with the cliche gender roles of yesteryear. Even at that tho', Billy doesn't want to work either... If only we could be independently wealthy... *sigh* I work for the days off... I am so ready for the three-day weekend coming up. I think I have a pretty good thing seeing as I look forward to and cherish each day I can spend with my husband, my gimpy boy... Last night he twisted his ankle in Tae Kwon Do. Hee! Sorry, baby, I know you're in pain! Luvz! ~Jilli~

RetroPost: 5.19.05

{Saved from Xanga} It's rather unfortunate that work always seems just that much more pointless when you get back from vacation. I'm tripping out....... Hate... working... It really has nothing to do with the job. My job is easy and pays OK considering all the free benefits. It's just that working in general seems like such a waste of time. I would love to be at home right now- I would do the dishes and laundry, plant some flowers and dig out some weeds, take the dogs for a walk, make dinner for my hubby... I could totally deal with the cliche gender roles of yesteryear. Even at that tho', Billy doesn't want to work either... If only we could be independently wealthy... *sigh* I work for the days off... I am so ready for the three-day weekend coming up. I think I have a pretty good thing seeing as I look forward to and cherish each day I can spend with my husband, my gimpy boy... Last night he twisted his ankle in Tae Kwon Do. It ruffles my feathers but I try very hard not to put myself in a situation that I know I could get hurt in. Thus the fear of heights, lack of tree-climbing, feeling no need to sky dive... Roller coasters and shoot-you-up-in-the-air/plummet-you-to-the-ground rides pretty much do it for me. Well, it's finally lunch time. Hungry Hungry Jilli!

RetroPost: 5.18.05

{Saved from Xanga} I am frickin' EXHAUSTED!!! I don't know how I'm going to make it through this day... My eyes have that "Good God, take out your contacts and go to bed!" burning feeling and my head feels like it could slam against the counter at any moment. Not to mention my bra straps are too loose and so not even my boobies are happy. I can't stop yawning and strectching and slouching... I feel old today. Plus I'm super hungry and I'm craving Burger King for some reason. Blah! ! So, in other Thompson... oooh, I just had a weird moment where the fact that my last name is Thompson made me feel a little panicky. OK, I feel better... Sorta. Weird, huh? Anyway, Monday night I paid a plethera of bills. Usually I space them out evenly, but with the vacation there was a big, gooey wad of bills that needed to be mailed off all at the same time and it made me feel funny. I don't know what it was, exactly, but ever since then I've been dwelling on the fact that the jobs we have now will no way in hell keep us going. I'm not one for change when I get comfy in my life but I'm just really confused. We used to have extra money but the car payments and hospital payments have strangled every dime out of us. We're doing OK... Exceptional when you consider how we started the year, but we can't even take the animals to the vet for shots. Raven, Puka, AND Kero all need shots. There's just no frickin' way. The really sad thing is we both need to go to the dentist and the optometrist but there's just no way until something is paid off... And it seems like we'll never pay off the car! We got it only out of necessity since we were working in different towns then. Now we don't need the other car and it's broken and unsellable!!! God, if we could sell it we would be so much better off... But here we are, stuck with a dead car and the working car is pushing 130K miles and the driver side window won't go down. (Very embarrassing in drive-thrus, let me tell ya!) We keep on paying but it never seems to go down! The fact that it decided to need expensive repairs didn't help... such is life. In happier news, Billy's hospital bill from last February is finally paid off!!! Now all we have to do is chisel down my $850 mistake! Hurrah! Well, I think I'm done venting my money woes. Luvz! Jilli!

RetroPost: 5.17.05

{Saved from Xanga} Well, we're back and Disneyland was awesome! We had the best time ever. Food, Fun, Wonderful Memories... I love my life! I feel so random right now- thoughts are going around in my head that have no particular order. Let's try, shall we? First off, *The Trip*. I don't know what it is about all things Disney that make me feel childlike and sparkly. The parade, the fireworks, even the Aladdin show got me all misty-eyed and happy. Strangely enough, my mind keeps saying, "Write about the Monte Cristo sandwich..." So, hey. On the first day we ate at the Blue Bayou and I had a Monte Cristo sandwich for the first time in my life. Ham, turkey and Swiss, deep-fried, dusted with powdered sugar and served with blackberry jelly... The oddest, most delicious thing I have ever tasted. By far my favorite sandwich in the whole world now. Also on vacation, I started another Dean Koontz book. It is my trend to pick an author and read their books until I just can't take the genre anymore. Like way back when, I was reading Mary Higgins Clark until every story seemed the same. I also did that with V.C. Andrews, mainly because the real V.C. Andrews was a crazy nutjob with demented and twisted stories that your mind couldn't quite deal with but the fake V.C. Andrews wrote fluffy dopplegangers that got old fairly quickly. In this case tho', I am enthralled with each twist and turn that Koontz dishes out. So far I have read four and each one has been so entirely different from the last. Actually, I've read five but I was like 14 or 15 when I read the first one and I wasn't in my Author Loyalty stage like I am now. So I'll probably read that one again later on. I have such an obsessive personality... Seriously, tho', the one I'm reading right now I am enthralled with! If I were to go home right now, I would sit down and read to about the middle. It's odd. With these books, I start savoring the language and delaying the endings. It's a good thing the new Harry Potter comes out soon or I'd probably hurt myself. After I finish this book I should get the third Traveling Pants book or borrow that weird book from my dad so I don't get burned out... I do that. What a strange person I am. I really love me right now. It's a weird feeling. Before vacation, we went shopping for cute clothes which I feel content in. Unfortunately, I didn't buy any jeans, just capris (cuz I have cute ankles). But I 'm not allowed to wear capris to work and this week we're allowed to wear jeans everyday... So I feel dumpy since I have no jeans that fit. I have one pair that is too tight, one pair that is too big, and the ones that are just right are ugly and/or covered in paint. Ooh, look at me ramble. Good thing this is my private blog... No one will ever read it! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Sorry... ~ Jilli!