Just in the Nick of Time

Raging, raging snow storm the likes of which have not been seen for twenty years.
Commuting husband.
A scary spin out.
A blown tire.
Thank God Thank God Thank God for the brand-spankin' new emergency fund.
*phew*
This would've gone a a credit card. *shudder*

State of the Union ~ November 2009

Holy crap! November is *snap* GONE! But it was crazy eventful and crazy lucrative so the current State of the Union is looking rather nice. Here we go:

By December 31 I want to:
Have the house in complete working order aka "be fully moved in" ~ Needs improvement
After months of adequate progress, our house went to pot in November. Bee wasn't sleeping and... well... all hell broke loose pretty much. Family was down and Peanut stayed over a couple nights and we so have not recovered for it. I will call this goal a success when I am able to work off of the chore chart I made.

Have Bee's birth completely paid off ~ COMPLETED!
With Billy working his butt off to get a bonus, we ended up being able to pay off ALL our medical debt AND pay my parents back AND have a little breathing room. So wonderful!!

Establish a working grocery budget ~ Needs improvement
Cash only is NOT working at all. I'm getting the hang of setting aside seperate money for household and food but the cash is... a big fat fail. I think we would do better with a seperate account. That's the next step- opening a new account.

Have $500 in an emergency fund ~ COMPLETED!
Yay! It's done and then some! Hurray! In fact, we full on finished the goal of a $1000 emergency fund and It. Feels. Good. Especially now that Billy's job is in a scary place right now.

So there's November in a nutshell. Half FABULOUS and half so-so. I think my goals can be reached on time for once and I'm excited... but scared because our work situation is rocky.

Wild Ride

The old cliche about emotional rollercoasters and whatever is far too tame for our life right now. It's been more like that one ride that shoots you up in the air then drops you just as quickly. Ya know, the one where you defy gravity and float a little off your seat while you look at the amazing view (WHEEEE!!!) and then get dropped and your stomach is in your throat and you feel like you're going to throw up (AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!)? Yeah, that's us.
So Billy's PROMISED bonus/commission plopped a nice little windfall on us that has helped us tremendously!!! We've been able to pay my parents back, will have all the medical debt paid off by Monday, and buy a few things we've put on the back burner (like pillows... ours were literally falling apart). (WHEEEE!!!) Unfortunately, the evil corporate people were playing games to try to avoid paying anything that was promised (in writing!!!) and once they got caught in a loop, they couldn't get out of paying the money he was entitled to. Now though, they're still acting like spoiled children and... long story short, we're not sure how long Billy will actually have a job there. (AAAAHHHHHHH!!!) Crap crap crap. We're so not ready for something like that. Crap.
The cash only budget is NOT working. Cash and I have never gotten along very well and I don't see why I thought that would change. Something else is going to have to be worked out there. Like a seperate account. *sigh* It doesn't help that this is coming in line with coupon burnout. It had to happen eventually. It's happening now. At the worst possible time.
I'm feeling really down about a great many things... lack of friends, lack of drive, feeling mediocre in everything I do especially as wife and mother. I get dangerously irritated with Billy and Bee on a regular basis these days. Even with paying off all the medical debt, I still feel like there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel... Or if there is, it will just be a train.

I Suck at Everything

Our newly implemented budget... has not been a success yet. We have $2 left of the original cash. But... I had three "forget it" faux pas in the last two weeks. 1- Football snacks ($25), 2- Sushi ($20), 3- Pet food & litter across the board- cats, dogs, goat ($57). $102 on credit cards. The pet food is necessity. Snacks and sushi? Um, no. Not at all. Stupid stupid stupid. STUPID!!! I am baffled as to how to successfully fit in pet food into the budget equation. Must figure that out. Rarely coupons. Rarely sales. Expensive. Blah.
Our health insurance premium is being raised $120 effective January. I don't know what we're going to do.
Bee's horrible sleep schedule is throwing me into a tailspin of unhappiness, doubt, anger... I'm really feeling like a horrible mother. Mommy mode turns off around 2 a.m. and I just want to dump her on Billy. But it's not possible. This sucks.
I should clean but I don't want to. At all.

State of the Union ~ October 2009

A little early, but not much else should go down in the next two days (hopefully ^_^).

Current goal progress report:

Have the house in complete working order aka "be fully moved in" ~ Adequate Progress
Nothing really major was accomplished in October as far as the house goes but I did keep up with the organizational routines that have already been established. I started the routine of fixing the bed everyday, the house has stayed (reasonably) tidy, and we hung up the art for the bedroom that has been sitting in the closet for over a year. I plan on having the organization overhaul complete before Thanksgiving.

Have Bee's birth completely paid off ~ Adequate Progress
Made payments as usual. Paid off the actual delivery!!! Woot! Still owe on hospital stay. Current amount left: $369.73

Establish a working grocery budget ~ Adequate Progress
In my new budget, I worked out a "Food & Household" cash envelope. This has only been in play for one pay period and has been working relatively well so far. I will call this a success when it becomes routine.

Have $500 in an emergency fund ~Needs VAST improvement
Still one big, fat goose egg in our emergency fund. A bonus looms on the horizon for Billy. I'll believe it when I see it. If it does come to fruition, I will fully fund the EF to $1000, checking off a goal for this and next quarter.

Also done in October... Created a true budget, started a Total Money Makeover-ish debt plan, and lost five pounds ^_^. On the bad side, had $338 in car repairs that were not planned for. Oh how we need an emergency fund!!!

I Drank the Kool-Aid

I finally did it. I got myself to the library and checked out Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. O.O <-- (That's me having my eyes opened)
Um. Yeah. I totally get it now. I realized that all this time I thought I was making a tunnel for us to get out of debt, I was really just digging a hole. A deep one that kept falling in. But now! Oh, there is totally light at the end of the tunnel. Squee!
Since reading the book, I have made a real budget, down to the last dime! And I've heard about and I've been fighting it (I don't know why...), but starting tomorrow the envelope system is going to be implemented in my household! WAH! This is gonna rock!

I'm Addicted to Drugstores

I think Walgreens was my gateway drugstore. It opened my eyes to a whole new world of paying little to nothing for necessities. After my deodorant extravaganza last week, I thought my world couldn't get any better. I was wrong.
Longs Drugs just became a CVS.
Oh. My. Golly.
In the two times I've been there since their grand opening I have spent just over $10 (with tax). With this $10 I have received:
5 packs of Huggies diapers (FIVE!!! 4 of which are spendy overnight diapers!)
1 Opti-Free Replenish contacts lens solution
1 Old Spice deodorant
1 bottle of Head & Shoulders
3 bars of Dial soap
1 tube of Colgate Total

All these things are necessities that I would have bought at one point or another for a total of $82. OK maybe I would've gotten a different brand of soap... Nonetheless, I spent $10. TEN!!! This is an 88% savings. Spending $10 OOP may not rock the socks of CVS veterans but it totally rocks mine. I CANNOT believe the money I have been throwing away my entire adult life. Un-frickin-believable. These are the brands of diapers, deodorant, shampoo, and toothpaste that we use and have always used. These are not store brands. These are not cut-rate products. These are the real deal. I get jittery just thinking about all we've lost by not being conscienctious! And the stupid thing is that we thought we were frugal people! HA! Not even! Using a coupon here and there to save a few cents... laughable, really.
I'm taking this wake-up call and as of next paycheck, I'm officially starting an honest-to-God grocery/household budget. There is no reason not to. Today I made dinner for 4 adults and a toddler for probably about $2 total. I could do this all the time. It's time.

State of the Union ~ September 2009

Current goal progress report:

Have the house in complete working order aka "be fully moved in" ~ Adequate Progress
In September I finished the hall closet, master closet, studio, and guest bath. We also held a garage sale and made a big dent in getting the garage finished.

Have Bee's birth completely paid off ~ Adequate Progress
Made payments as usual. Current amount left: $662.95

Establish a working grocery budget ~ Not yet introduced
I did do a fair amount of research into blogs of people that do have grocery budgets. I will continue to do so until the budget in implemented.

Have $500 in an emergency fund ~Needs improvement
I wiped this account to get completely caught up on bills which was well worth it. Hopefully I can really start hitting this one hard in the upcoming months.

Not too bad I suppose. As always, I could have done better. Also done in September... Got completely caught up on bills, reduced price of internet service, conquered the laundry beast, worked on our humble landscaping. On the bad side, we added approximately $300 to credit card debt and $1900 to medical debt.

A Prayer

Dear Lord-

I have been slowly learning to "Let Go and Let God". Little by little I have worked on shedding that skin of indifference and the hurt of my past experiences and really tried to let You into my life. I am by no means the best Christian- I don't yet know which path to take in serving You properly. You know my fears and inhibitions.
Yet, I have been doing more and more what I should have been doing all along - trusting You to provide for us. As I throw my burdens upon You, You have blessed us! The extra income has kept us afloat and there has been so many little blessings all around. Thank you, Lord!
Our ways of glorifing you will be very different, Lord. I hope you are okay with that.

Amen.

I See the Light

Since last I wrote, we had a smashing garage sale and sold a bed on craigslist. Total take in the last four days: $550! Yeah! With this money, another total wipe of savings, and the first paycheck with the raise on it... WE CAUGHT UP ON OUR BILLS. AND THEN SOME. I am so happy!!! Not to mention we are just one day away from completely organizing the garage.
Unfortunately, the garage sale exploded our house. Today, Billy and I worked our butts off to get back to where we were. And our bedroom is thisclose to being completely put together. I am so thrilled.
With money set aside to pay for the first payment of our new medical bill >_<, we'll actually be able to budget for it come November. I'm crossing my fingers that Billy gets a commission check of some substance at the end of the year. At the moment it just seems like a carrot they're waving in front of him that will never come to fruition. With that check (hopefully) we can still pay off all our medical bills by December plus maybe completely pay back my parents. So... I've been thinking about what I want my new goals to be as my old goals were kind of silly. So here's the list I've come up with for the next three and six months.

By December 31 I want to:
Have the house in complete working order aka "be fully moved in"
Have Bee's birth completely paid off
Establish a working grocery budget
Have $500 in an emergency fund

By March 31 I want to:
Be under $20K in debt
Have $1000 in an emergency fund
Be at or under my pre-pregnancy weight

I was going to have "catch up on all bills" as a goal for December but I whipped that one already! And it feels sooooo good... ^_^

Smackdown

Our goals were starting to look so sparkly and attainable. Then we got the letter today that told us that our request for financial aid through the hospital was denied. Bee's ER visit in March is going to set us back another $1900. Just when I had everything under control. Everything was going to be paid off by December. A moment of silence as that dream flies away..............
Crap. Now I have to rework everything. Again. And delay credit card smackdown. Again. Gah.
In light of this defeat, we went to the store tonight and blew our grocery budget out of the water. Again. If there's one thing I don't have a proper handle on, it's the grocery budget. I think I just feel like I'm so busy with all the other budgeting that I don't have time to make a real grocery budget. Or that I'll just get to it later. This is becoming an issue.
In other news, I beat down the laundry beast in less than a week. Squee! On my list of things that I can't get a handle on, laundry was far above the grocery budget until this week. I would say we have been drowning in laundry pretty much since we lived in our tiny studio apartment. I can honestly say we have never had all the laundry done and put away EVER. Until now. The pride level for this accomplishment is sky high. I vow to never EVEREVER let this happen again. Six years of laundry pain is more than enough. And I did this all with a toddler attached to my leg, during kickoff weekend and spending a whole day cleaning the garage!
Ah, the garage. One goal will finally be realized on Saturday when we have our garage sale! Yeah! I am optimistic that this garage sale will get us on the right track to being caught up with our bills. I'll be sorting and pricing tomorrow. I can't wait until it's finally done.
I think I need to reevaluate our goals again. In the style of Sick of Being Poor, here's a progress report:
Dig Out of the Clutter and Hold a Garage Sale - Adequate progress
Oh, we've been digging digging digging like crazy. This goal will be mastered by Saturday
Get Under $20,000 in Debt by 25 - Failed
We got way off track due to medical bills. They just keep coming!!! But our debt is lower than when we started so it's not a total fail.
Pay Off the American Express Card Before They Shut it Off - Minimal Progress
We will be paying this off first like originally planned. If they shut it off... oh well. There's another card that's already closed with a much higher balance that needs attention first. And a whole bunch of other cards have raised our interest rate and/or lowered our limits.
Pay Off the Current Medical Debt - Adequate Progress
The goal was really to pay off Bee's birth before she was 18 months. This will be mastered by December as planned. Unfortunately, there's more bills now. ;_;
Get the SUV in Tip-Top Shape in Case We Need to Sell it - Minimal Progress
We did get work done on it but I don't think we'll be selling the SUV any time soon. Either way, we need to get it in and take care of the recall that's on it. Stat.
Get $500 in an Emergency Account - Minimal Progress
While I'm not saving a ton, I am saving some. Not enough to reach my goal by the end of the year, tho'. I will try to step this up.
Get Credit Score up to the Median ~ ???
I'm not even going to bother paying for my scores until I've paid off our closed card. Then I'll check.
Get Back to Pre-Pregnancy Weight - Failed
I haven't done a darn thing about it yet. This goal is so on the back burner right now. It shouldn't be, but it is.

All right. I need to create a new goal list. ^_^

Getting a Grip

Well. Billy called his payroll department and made them cut a check for the missing raise money. ~*Happy Dance!*~ When that check arrived, I repayed the depleted savings and had enough left over to pay our life insurance. Suprisingly, the check was higher than expected so I saved a little just in case they overpaid this time and will be shorting us on the next check. After receiving that boost, I went through our budget and adjusted it to reflect how we're going to attack our credit card debt when the medical debt is gone in DECEMBER! Woot! ~wigglewiggle~

Curiously Precarious

Billy's raise that was supposed to go into effect August 14 didn't show up on his paycheck. With his "signing bonus" officially paid out, we're $160 short. I had to wipe our tiny little emergecy fund and jack his tiny savings just to pay the bills. And... we only have $23 left in checking to last two weeks. Gah. Oh and the car's vehicle registration renewal unexpectedly showed up in the mailbox today and had to be plopped onto a credit card. Another $83 in the hole. *deep sigh*
We're not getting anywhere. Our debt is eating us alive.

September

Ah, September. The beginning of the end of the year. And I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be financially. At the very least, our debt is lower than when we started. Thank goodness.
I am feeling so down today. Billy is finally starting to feel the full weight of everything he's taken on and it's really starting to show. I was doing fine until he started talking about how bad he feels and how work and school and everything is suffering because of it. I pep talked him as best as possible but now I feel sad too. Then we went to the store and he bought new work clothes with some of the money he made selling stuff on eBay. He's hoping it will boost his confidence level. I hope so too. While we were at the store, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I looked god awful. Just run down and so not like myself. It was horrible! I feel so much older than I am. I find myself pining for the days when everything was simple. Nothing is simple anymore. I also had a dream last night about Missy. I'm still not over last year's falling out. I so very much so miss the girl that used to be my friend. Not the girl that stopped talking to us last year but the girl she was before. Before she got involved with and married a jerk. A jerk that pretended to be our friend for so long when he talked crap about us behind our backs. I miss her. ;_;
Right now I'm feeling isolated and lost. I so very much just want to pack a suitcase and go on a vacation but we can't afford it. In the past, we always went on vacation in September, right around our anniversary. I really want to get out of here. I always loved my goofy little hometown cuz it was easy and comfortable and pretty much anywhere we went on vacation felt like an exotic getaway in comparison. Now that we have zero travel dollars and don't go anywhere anymore, I get annoyed with being here all the time. Blah.
Dear Lord, please give us some reprieve.

Domestically Challenged

I've been a SAHM for mmmm.... 16 months now. (15 months with Bee plus 1 month prior)
For the first time, I'm actually starting to get it.

Let's be blunt. I'm lazy.
Billy's kinda lazy too. Domestically anyway.
Growing up, my parents never made me clean my room. I would let it get beyond imagination cluttered and then I would wake up uber-early one day and clean until it sparkled and shined. Unfortunately, that habit followed me into adulthood.
At first it was OK. The apartments or our first house would explode for awhile and then one day, we'd clean like crazy. And there was always one disaster of a room. Always.
BUT during the times that I wasn't working (with the exception of the first time I lost my job...), the house would be tidy. When we took our sabbatical, we lived in the Funky Lil Shack and it was so small we couldn't let it get messy. So we cleaned everyday.
Anyway, when we're working the house goes BOOM.
When the decision was made for me to be a SAHM... I just kinda assumed I would keep the house tidy while taking care of the baby.
Uh, yeah, NO. So didn't happen. We've been living in frickin' squalor pretty much since Bee came home. Slight exaggeration but dishes piled in the sink and then across the counter and the floors of our room and Bee's room being a ginormous laundry hamper is the norm around here.
But! In the last week, I've stepped into high gear. I think something in me just snapped. I've been cleaning like a crazy person and then *gasp* keeping up with the tidiness! Holy cow. So far, I cleaned and arranged Bee's room, Kevin's old room has been beautifully transformed into a guest bedroom/home office, and on Sunday Billy and I made our living room actually livable! Right now I'm surrounded by the contents of the hallway closet and that's my goal of the day. Squee!
I've divided the house into rooms and areas:

11 Rooms

1. Master Bedroom


2. Master Bathroom


3. Bee's Room (Done!)


4. Guest Room (Done!)


5. Guest Bathroom


6. Living Room (Done!)


7. Kitchen/Dining Area


8. Laundry Room


9. Garage


10. Dog Room


11. Studio

6 Areas

1. Master Closet


2. Hall Closet


3. Bee's Closet (Done!)


4. Guest Closet


5. Hallway


6. Pantry

We've also scheduled a day to do the garage. Finally. Then we can have the garage sale that was my goal for June 13... >_< Oops. Oh well. It'll get done.

Broken

I am about to make a "make it or break it" decision. It could work out. Or it could go horribly wrong...
Right now we've upped our debt by:
$795 on parental "payday loan"
$150 on car expenses
$930.13 on Hubby's commute expenses
$200 micellaneous
=$2025.13 Total

Am I proud of this? No. Was it necessary? Yes.
I'm thinking I'm about to up it some more.

We are $1001 behind on being completely current on bills. Don't get me wrong, they always get paid. We suffer in other areas to make sure of this. I toss and turn at night thinking of it. Anyway, I have a whole system of setting portions aside for quarterly bills and splitting expenses of monthly bills across both paychecks. It's always worked for me and it's mildly complicated to look at... but anyway. We're $401 behind on setting money aside. The most worrying is $188 of that is for health insurance- one of our top expenses. The other $600 is half of our mortgage that I've been two weeks behind on for several months and end up paying $3-$6 in late fees on monthly.
My idea is to take bills that I can put on a credit card and doing so. Just to catch up. Is it really catching up if I have to pay for it later plus interest? Nope. But I don't know what else to do. I'm slightly freaking out.

So much for the extra $75...

After getting all excited about the possibility of an extra $75 per paycheck I realized that we still had to sign up for insurance and a 401k... I am being really bad and only contributing 2% to the 401k even though Billy's company will do a 25% match up to 6%. *sigh* I made a silent pact with myself to up the contribuitions in one year. Nevertheless I can still see Suze Orman in my head going "ARE YOU CRAZY?!? That's FREE money!!!" Alas, we cannot afford $225 to come out each month. This way the insurance and 401k will take up the extra $75 and we'll just be normal. Damn. I just can't constitute skipping these things all together and getting screwed later but luckily we're still young yet... ARGH this sucks.

Not Making Anything Any Better ;_;

I have gone crazy bananas in the last week or so with....... credit cards. I am so horribly ashamed of myself. I have put $135 worth of purchases on a credit card in the last week. What a disgusting step backward. This can be broken down into: $54 on two outfits at Old Navy, $50 in groceries, $20 on a haircut, and $11 on dinner out. Really I just reached a point of being so angry that we have NO spending money, NO wiggle room. Try as we might, we just can't make ends meet.
The good news of the last two weeks is that Billy got a sizeable raise. YAY! The bad news is that since the last three months of paychecks have included a "signing bonus" his paychecks will basically be the same. So really if he didn't get his fat raise (Thank you thank you Lord) we'd be officially drowning. Actually, I just did a paycheck calulator and his checks could possibly be $75 more each week than we have been getting. Oh I hope it's right! An extra $75 could help tremendously.
Things I have done right this last pay period were getting back on track with frugal hacking at stores. Walgreens had a higher OOP since I haven't done it in a looooong time but I got about $13 worth of stuff for $7 plus $6 in Register Rewards so not too bad. I frugal hacked Target for the first time since it's so far away. It paid off but HOOBOY was it a hassle. I went through two checkers and two managers to make it go but I got out of there with $15-$20 worth of stuff for $4. It would've been less but Billy came along and bought PopTarts. At least they were on sale. I also have $13 pending in survey money.
So really, I haven't fallen off the wagon completely but I'm not proud of myself in any way. I gotta keep this attitude of entitlement under control. NO, I'm not entitled to whatever I want. I need to pay for the mistakes I've already made.

I Suck With Money

There was this time I used to think I was good with money. We did have two incomes at the time but they actually added up to less than just Billy makes now. So that wasn't it - no, we had very little in the way of expenses and also very little in the way of having a frickin' clue. Oh and we didn't have credit cards. Then when we did, we paid them in full every month. But that didn't mean I was good with money.
When we saved money, it was for big fat vacations or big fat purchases. Not for emergencies.

Financial Confessions:

1. When I was 22, I cashed in my 401k to go to Disneyland. >_<


2. The money we had in savings that we actually did use for an emergency was originally earmarked for a pre-planned trip to Disney World. We still went on the trip with $0 in savings and proceeded to pay for everything by credit card. It still hasn't been paid off and that was two years ago. >_<


3. The money I set aside to pay for the birth of Baby Bee got raided so we could send SIL 2 of 4 and her gaggle to a state far far away. While this was wonderful for our mental health, I still felt slighted... so we spent the rest on a Babymoon to Hawaii. >_<

I. Am. Dumb.

So Sick of Firsts

My dinner is turning sour in my stomach as we speak.
We hit another financial first today (yesterday actually but I just found out). To add to the growing list of 2009 horrors... our first maxed out credit card complete with a spill right over to over the limit plus the fee. With Billy's commute we've been unlucky enough to have to put the gas on a credit card that was already pretty full. Well, we've reached the end of that. Now I have to figure out how to scrape up enough to cover the minimum payment plus bring the balance low enough so that when the interest is posted next month, we're not over the limit again. This will be at least $120 total. The extra $30 above the minimum payment just may have to come out of our fledgling emergency fund. ;_;
I know we're making (sloooooooooooow) progress. I know we won't have to float commuting expenses once Billy starts making commission. But I really feel like we're drowning. It's like our heads are being shoved underwater until we're about to pass out and then we're allowed one deep breath before being shoved under again. It makes you wonder... is it really worth the fight?
Also another first... I'm consciously skipping my annual doctor visit. We just cannot afford it. How sick is that? I haven't missed an annual exam EVER. And I've been being all responsible like since I was almost 17. Good lord.

A Little Speck of Light

I just made a spreadsheet to see how a medical bill snowball would play out AND...
IF everything goes well and...
IF no other new bills show their ugly faces...
ALL MEDICAL BILLS WILL BE PAID BY DECEMBER!!! Woot!

This is contigent upon me finding a way to pay the peditrician in full and Bee's ER visit from March getting approved for financial aid at 100%. So yeah. Those are big contigencies. >_< At the very least, I will meet one goal by paying off Bee's birth and nursery stay by the time she is 18 months. Sick sick stupid healthcare in America. *sigh* This also gives me a glimmer of hope that there really will be an end to debt repayment someday. Soon-ish. Before I'm 30 for sure. Skittley doo.

I Think The Wagon Ran Me Over

Friday night, Billy and I had it out about everything in our relationship that we've been ignoring pretty much since the Bee was born. There was a lot.
Since then, we've been noticeably happier.
Also, I said "F you" to the straightjacket-esque budgetary restrictions I've been clinging to and dropped cash left and right for a couple days. Oh............ yeah. Oops. I just wish I had bought something interesting for myself before I realized what I was doing. *sigh*
I haven't been brave enough to balance the checkbook yet but I will today. So not looking forward to that one.
So, my goal was to be under $20000 in credit card debt by 25. Um. Didn't make it. Heh. BUT since January, we've paid off 13% of our overall debt. When you look at it that way, it feels a little better. But it still sucks.
All right. I'm going to brush off the dust, go find that damn wagon and get back on it. Even though at this point, I don't really want to.

And I Quote

"When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal." ~ Napoleon Hill

This quote is an obvious nod to the fact that all the goals I set for us have crashed and burned or are well on their way to crashing and burning. It's a spectacular display of pyrotechnics, really.
All of this defeat is heightened due to another fact. This would be the fact that in the last 2.5 days, I have been at the lowest of low. After a truly horrendous trip to San Francisco (very very sick Bee), I returned home to then be hit with the stomach flu in force. Of course for me any bit of stomach pain sends me into a tailspin of panic after everything I've been through so I got a little out of control and Billy sent out for reinforcements (my parents). OK, so I asked him to somewhere in the middle of vomiting and a panic attack. Really more so than anything, they were desperately needed to take care of Bee. Since the onset of my sickness, both of my dirty little secrets came to a head - 1) Our house is an atrocious mess and 2) we're way over our heads in credit card debt. Ugh. I guess I should say our house was an atrocious mess. Since Tuesday morning, my mom, dad, aunt and nana have been doing our laundry and scrubbing our house. The embarrassment level is through the roof. >_<
Then my dad talked to Billy on Tuesday and I don't even know how they got on the subject but Billy spilled the beans about our debt. And now they want to help us out. Now I feel almost obligated to take this help. But how much will it help, really? We'll still be in the same amount of debt... A debtload we're struggling to carry but we are carrying it. I know if we don't get approved for financial aid for the most recent bill, we'll be over the top... then it will be necessary for help. And we still owe them $795 from the "payday" loan from May. But Billy wants to take help. And he's the one working his butt off for the paycheck. I obviously have to take his wants and opinions into consideration. And honestly, all pride aside, it just might be the right way to go.
Either way in the last couple days I've felt like the worst daughter, mother and wife - everything I am and I'm failing at it. Horribly. I feel so defeated.

"What is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first step to something better. " ~ Wendell Phillips

A Ringing in My Ears

Oh dear Lord my parents left yesterday.
There are bonuses to this I suppose- making a little extra cash being one of the main ones.
Another is attempting to spend more time at my grandma's house.
I think I'm going to be over there as much as possible. This is to get the Bee more used to her Nana more so than anything just in case I have to go back to work. This would give me more child care options. *sigh*
That buzzing around the edges of my mind is becoming more of a ringing in my ears as we struggle to stay afloat. It seems like we're making no progress whatsoever. I know we are. It's just taking forever and the lack of emergency cash is just taking a huge toll.

Hyperventilating

I am totally chagrined at how dependent I have become on my parents. They are our only child care providers. I see them almost every day. My mom is easily my best friend. I suppose that is not really a bad thing. Except...
They're going to Europe for two and a half weeks starting Monday! *internal scream*

Oh. My. God. What are we going to do without them? They're not even gone yet and I'm counting the days until they get back. Ergh. I cannot believe myself. I'm a big girl but I need my mommy. And the Bee adores them.
The only bonus to this is that I'll be helping to keep their business afloat while they're away so I get to make a little cash to help pay down the "payday loan" we borrowed from them during the Great Paycheck Drought.

In other news, I actually pulled my head out of the sand and really (I mean REALLY) looked at our monthly expenses. It wasn't pretty. Honestly, I shocked we've made it this far through the year. As of this moment, we are $1882 behind. This includes $600 for the mortgage, $450 in outstanding commute expenses and $850 from the "payday loan" minus $18 from surveys and a craigslist sale. The $450 in commute expenses suck the most since Billy's employer is comping his commute for 3 months but so far we've only rotated that money into debt. Gah.

Well, there we are. No better. No worse. The only upside to looking at our finances that way was the realization that if we can keep it up, our medical debt will be GONE in no more that 8 months!! Hurrah! Unless of course we get saddled with having to pay the newest $1900 from Bee's RSV incident. I'm applying for financial aid but I don't have too much optimism there - They only look at your income and not your debts or expenses. Yeah, we could afford to pay that bill back- if we had no other debt. Now I just have to turn it in and cross my fingers.

Punch In The Face!

It's been a year of firsts. Not only with Bee and all her cute toddler firsts. No, unfortunately this has been a year of financial "punch in the face" firsts.
First overdraft.
First rejected credit application.
First brush with a collections agency.
And newest to our list:
First letter threatening termination of electric service!!!

Yay us... haha.

Also, today we received the bill for Bee's trip to the ER with RSV in March. Darn near TWO THOUSAND dollars. I've been fighting medical bills from last year so deeply into this year, I didn't even realize that we hadn't even made a tiny dent in 2009's deductible. Frickin' deductible. Health insurance SUCKS! What a joke.

Hey Your Consumerism is Showing

Confession: I am a bad daughter.
Quickie explanation: My parents raised me to be spiritual, love God and live that way. It stuck. Their religion did not. That's a LONG story. Anyway, from time to time, we go to meeting with them and allow them to take Bee fairly regularly. I am a bad daughter because I think I'm slightly leading them on whenever we go to meeting... It pains me to see them so happy that we're there.
But that is neither here nor there with today's dilemma.
We're going to the convention.
This religion calls for men in suits and women in dresses. No exceptions.
I have decided to attend the convention with them in July for two reasons - 1: I think three full days of spiritual guidance makes up for the rest of the year when we don't go to church and 2: It's a punkass way to have a free mini-vacation. >_< (See? Bad daughter.) Anyway, Bee has outgrown all her infant dress shoes that she wore maybe once or twice. I decided to look at oldnavy.com for ONE pair since I have a $10 gift certificate. Instead, I found three. And a cute dress. Oh and a couple of cute skirts that I would love to have... I felt my whole body and soul yearning desperately to just slap these on the Old Navy credit card... No biggie right? Even now I feel a pull to just buy them. "Oh why not?" says the Plastic Princess in my mind as she sits up and peers out of the cell in the little prison I put her into in January. "You need to look nice... and don't you want to show off your beautiful baby? Don't you???" She sticks the Old Navy card out of the bars and shakes it a little. It sparkles. "It's just a little... $60...ish? With what? $7 shipping? What's the big deal, hmmmmm?"
It's terrible. I still want to go "Yes! Give me the credit card! I'm buying this stuff! Hurray!" But I'm not going to. I'm going to keep it together. We have time to figure out how to get dress shoes without using the credit card.

SAHM do, SAHM don't

We're coming to a point where the idea of going back to work is buzzing around the edges of my mind. I know I've been hopelessly blessed to have been home with Bee this last year and I would desperately like to stay right where I am. Nearly every working mom I've ever met really just wants to be home with their babies. (All but one!) But... money.
Ultimately, we're only falling behind on medical bills at the moment but every time I check the mail, it feels like they're leaping out at me to eat my soul.
We're not behind on our mortgage. Or utilities.
I have no idea where we're going to come up with the $440 we're short to pay our health insurance premium that comes due July 4.
Pretty much... I can't contstitute going back to work. Yet. But one more medical bill or small(ish) emergency is going to set us over the edge. So thus, the returning to work idea is just a buzzing in the brain and not yet an all consuming thought.
I think I might be throwing ALL my goals out the window pretty quickly here... I think I'm going to put all my efforts into saying "Buh-bye!" to our medical debt.
Every financial adviser in the world would let out a collective scream at that idea - the credit card debt is collecting about $250 in interest every month and the medical debt is interest free. Why in the world would I try to pay it off first???
Because:

1. I'm fairly emotionally detached from the credit card debt. Yeah we hate the stupid couches we bought for WAY too much money and we definitely should've shopped around before sinking $5000 into a water filtration system. BUT we use the couches and the water everyday. We had fun on vacation. Eating out made us happy.
2. On the other hand, every medical bill is a bad memory. I hate being reminded of the horrors of the hospital that we've had to face. I hate that I had to fight on a daily basis for the first 9 months of my daughter's life to get the stupid insurance to pay even a fraction of those bills. When I pay for her birth, I'm reminded that I'm paying so much because my body almost killed my baby and it cost an awful lot to keep her alive. When I pay for her stay in the nursery, I'm reminded that I couldn't take care of her at first, I was too weak. I should be able to detach myself from it like I did the credit card debt but I'm still reeling from it. Post traumatic stress is a bitch.

I don't know what to do. Financially and emotionally torn... What a mess.

Being a Good In-Law... I Ask Myself "WHY?"

After 7 years with Billy, I've come to this conclusion - My in-laws aren't bad but they're insane. They are just drama drama drama. All the time. Without fail. Drama. Hubby is #4 of 5 and the 5th is 17 years younger than him so basically he's the baby of the first four and his little sister is being raised pretty much like an only child. Anyway, did I mention he's the only boy? Four sisters equals DRAMA.
What does this have to do with our money, you ask? A lot, unfortunately. Sister 2 of 5 is the craziest of them all. She's pregnant with #6. Oh good God. She's totally irresponsible. She and her loser husband don't work and just live off the state. They feel like they're entitled to everything. They live 13 hours away (Thank you Lord!!!) but they used to live in the same town as us. And it was always DRAMA. There was a good chunk of time where Billy felt like he HAD to help her out. Because she's family... Long story short, we easily threw a good $2500 at them to "help them get on their feet". This included: buying groceries/clothes/diapers/medications/housewares, helping with bills, giving rides, bailing them out of jail... the list goes on. Finally, when we just couldn't take it anymore, we spent $500 to plop them all on a plane to live near mom-in-law so they would just GO AWAY!!!
The other two... they've made bad decisions in life as well but they haven't been such financial and emotional drains.
But none of this is the point. Right now, here it is - June. I'm already 6 months deep into sending each and every family member a birthday gift. WHY?!? I don't know. I really don't. In January, it felt like a great idea. The right thing to do. Never again.
A few days ago, 2 of 5 called bitching about mom-in-law... "She never does anything for me and she's SUPPOSED to cuz she my mom blah blah blah.......... She didn't do anything fancy fancy for my boys' birthdays WAH WAH WAH" Oh for Pete's sake. And that's when it dawned on me. Hey! My Baby Bee's birthday was last week. Did any of them send her a gift? A card? A quickie phone call? NO. Not even Grandma. Have they ever sent ME anything for my birthday? NO. Heck, have they even sent anything to Billy, their own flesh and blood? NO!!! So why, pray tell, do I feel this ridiculous need to gift them and their spawn (all 17 of them)? No clue. Gah.
Well, I've come this far. Only 7 left. Over half done. But NEVER again. Especially since I haven't received so much as ONE thank you. Not ONE.
*rant over ^_^*

Happy Birthday Baby Bee!

Well, it's slipped past midnight now officially making it my Baby Bee's first birthday!!! This time last year, I was awake and excited and scared and blissfully unaware of the tumultuous day of emergencies that would bring my Bee into the world...
We're holding off on celebrating until this weekend but I think that's more appropriate anyway. The day she was born was by no means the happiest day of our lives. Any day that my child and I almost die cannot be considered happy. Blessed. We'll say it was the most blessed day of our lives- we came out OK on the other side and for the second year in a row, God let me keep on living even though there was doubt.
I often forget how blessed and lucky I am to be alive and to have a healthy and beautiful daughter. So many aspects of our life right now can overshadow how good we really have it.
If none of the emergencies in the last couple of years had happened, we wouldn't be in debt, it's true. But if that's what it took to get my Bee into my arms, $25000 is a small price to pay.
I love you Baby Bee. Thank you for letting me be your mommy. Happy birthday.

Windfalls!

I'm always kind of giddy when I get money that I didn't expect regardless of the amount. The last week has brought several "SURPRISE!" money moments:
First, Roomie's mail came and he had a points summary from a hotel chain. See, he and his ex used to do this long distance relationship thing where they would meet at a hotel halfway between them pretty much every weekend. Somehow he ended up with a points program and got a whole bunch of them. He pretty much didn't want to do anything with these points since they were associated with her and passed them onto US! Yay! I debated back and forth about what to do with the points. I was down to either $25 at Safeway for groceries or a $25 gas card to help with Hubby's new commute. After reading Shtinkykat's post about gas prices going up I decided on the gas card. I also used the leftover points after that for a pair of movie tickets so we can actually go see either Transformers or Harry Potter in a theater this summer instead of waiting to rent. Free date night - WOOT! That's a $19 value so... $44 total gained from Roomie's failed relationship. Horrible, yes. But at least somebody benefited from their trysts. >_<
The other windfall was in survey form. I must admit I am a survey FREAK. I will diligently give the survey sites my time for little pay... I think over the 5 years I've been doing surveys I've probably earned about $600 in cash, gift cards and product. Maybe more but definitely no less. This year so far I've made $98 to go to snowflakes. Anyway, I got picked for a survey that will net me $60 total! WAH! They sent $10 up front and I'll get the rest when I'm done doing my thing. I've found that now that I'm a SAHM I have more time to do the really nifty product tests and whatnot. Surveys rock my world. But since this payment is coming in Visa gift card form I'm debating about how to spend it. I've narrowed it down to a) gas, b) attempting to put it to medical bills or c) buying the supplies to make a birthday tee for the Bee. Not sure yet...
104 unexpected dollars... So happy!

State of the Union

OK, here's where we are at the end of May goalwise:

Get the SUV In Tip-Top Shape in Case We Need to Sell it ~ May 16
Well, we did get it to the shop. It's now fixed but another $107 was plopped onto a credit card. ;_; The clothes still sit in the back but I'm hoping to drop them off soon. Now all we have to do is replace the fabric on the console and it's mission accomplished albeit a little late.

Dig Out of the Clutter and Hold a Garage Sale ~ June 13
Ugh. We got a great start on this one and then... well May was pretty nuts. Billy started a new job and went on a business trip for a week... Also, I completely forgot my parents are going to Europe near the end of June and I doubt they'll have time to help me out. Hubby works Saturdays now and I'm so not running a garage sale by myself. So it's still a goal but I don't see it happening by the 13th.

Get Under $20,000 in Debt by 25 ~ July 27
Another Ugh. I'm still holding out that I can pull this off... Our "snowflake" situation is still grim. I have $28 in survey snowflakes coming my way but that will have to go to all the bills we're about to be behind on. A few unforeseen expenses along with a complete inundation of medical bills is really taking its toll. And I should specify that I mean under $20000 in credit card debt not debt overall. Still, I'm crossing my fingers. Unfortunately, the neccessary expenses I saw coming did indeed have to be put on a credit card - the SUV repair and the baby gates. That put us $248 behind. Yuck!!

Lose the Baby Weight aka Lose 12 Pounds ~ August 18
I actually just started working on my eating habits this week. The scale hasn't gone anywhere but I haven't put THAT much effort in yet. We'll see.

Pay Off the American Express Card Before They Shut it Off ~ September 30
Steadily dropping but the lack of snowflaking to this cause is taking a toll. *sigh* Once paydays are regular again hopefully we won't be scraping by as badly. Here's hoping.

Pay Off the Current Medical Debt ~ December 4
This category is NOT steadily dropping but steadily increasing... The bills just keep rolling in! At this point, we're really trapped in a corner when it comes to payment plans. The hospital billing department isn't exactly easy to work with... They'll only divide certain amounts over a certain number of months and don't take into account anything else. I told one of the people that I just couldn't swing the $123 they wanted me to pay and she actually gave me the "advice" to "just pay what I could until they turned me over to collections" then the collection agency would give me longer to pay back. Seriously??? This is just so ugly.

Get $500 in an Emergency Account ~ December 31
I did set up an automatic transfer for a "dental" fund which in essence will also be an EF as well since I won't be making any plans for us to go to the dentist until all debts are paid off. At that rate including the $25 I've already saved we'll be at $165. Yeah, this needs some work...

Get Credit Score up to the Median ~ ???
Every bit I pay back helps!!! After the AmEx is paid off, my next goal will be to pay off the water filtration system we bought last year. We opened a credit card account through the filtration company and lo' and behold that credit card doesn't exist now!! So we have a glaring $3600 outstanding on a closed account. I figure once that's paid off, our credit scores will definitely benefit.

I Kinda Feel Like I'm Going to Yak

I'm one of those people that worries/gets nervous with my stomach. I hurled stomach acid pretty much every morning from junior high to graduation just cuz I would get so worked up about going to school. Even as an adult in the working world, if I knew I had a lot coming up that day... puke. When I get really worked up about where my life is going and how I'm just going to get through the day... yak. Yeah, you get the picture. So needless to say, my belly is pretty much churning everyday as I try to figure out where in the world the money is going to come from... *sigh*
Right now I'm seriously pacing the floor almost literally waiting for Billy's first paycheck to show up. He now gets paid on the 7th and 21st of every month which will be a whole new adventure considering our budget was based on every other Friday paychecks. Oh how I hate bimonthly paychecks!!! And I hate first paychecks at a new job. Either they're itty bitty or they're horribly delayed. So since we don't have direct deposit set up yet they mail a check to our HOUSE. ARGH! I'm freaking out. The 21st was Thursday and the check wasn't there Thursday or Friday or today and Monday is a holiday... Grrr. So what I'm really wondering is if it'll get pushed out to the 7th... Oh please dear God no. Freaking out. And because of this whole paycheck debacle, I totally spaced paying our car insurance and didn't realize it until I got a nasty "Letter of Cancellation" from the insurance company. So right then and there I had to pay May and June's insurance neither of which we had the money for. So I had to dip into mortgage money which is painful. ARRRRGH!
Also this month... I paid the Target credit card on the day it was due... but payments had already processed that day and I had to select the next day as the payment date. Thus, a late fee which gets lumped into the minimum payment. On top of that, the 0% balance transfer promo rate we had through both Bank of America cards is over... ;_; so the interest accurued shot through the roof and severely raised the minimum payments. I really really really really don't know what we're going to do.
Another thing I've been dwelling on lately (and I probably shouldn't be since there's nothing I can do about it now...) is that once all of this is paid off, we're just going to have to start all over again with Billy's student loans. He's in school right now and once he graduates, there's even more debt on our already overflowing plates. One of my biggest fears is that the credit card and medical debt will at one point overlap having to repay the student loans. He keeps talking about how he can accelerate his classes and graduate sooner and I'm like NOOOOOOO! OK, so ultimately it will save us money... Unless they end up deferred forever collecting interest.
Just since so much is going on and life is crazy nuts more so than ever, I don't think we're going to make the garage sale goal. BUT it's still high on my to do list. On my next "day off" I'm going to seriously get hardcore about craigslisting and eBaying just to hopefully get up to date on all the bills that are coming up. We're so far behind.

Reality Check

I think I've been fooling myself into thinking that we're going to be OK. I just got a big reality check when I finally looked at the big picture of our monthly expenses. I keep saying, "Oh... we'll back track and make sure this will get paid or that will get paid..." but it's not happening. We're nearly two months behind on putting aside money for health insurance. That's $520. Where the hell is that money going to come from? We're not behind... yet. But I just don't see us magically coming up with that money. We're coming up short across the board. And the real irony is that it's all because of medical bills. When we frickin' had insurance all that time and paid through the eyeballs for it. And for what? Nothing. At least when we didn't have insurance there was only one giant medical emergency... >_< And most of it got written off by the hospital. Of course, not all of it and those bills are sitting on a credit card. Why oh why didn't we set it up on payment plans? Why??? If Billy's new job doesn't rock paycheck wise, we're up the creek without a paddle. Hell, I don't think we even have a boat. We convinced ourselves that we had a boat but it was just paper. And now it's gone. I am seriously freaking out. I honestly don't feel like any of our goals are attainable in the slightest. I'm looking around our living room and there's all this STUFF. Stuff we couldn't afford and bought anyway. And now we're paying for it tenfold. Financially and psychologically. What a waste. I can't even be happy with what we have because we shouldn't have it!!! We have dug a hole so deep I can't see the light at the top. I don't know what to do. I haven't been honest with myself at all.

Steps in the Right Direction... Sort of

Well, today was my day to clean our room once and for all... unfortunately, I used it frivolously for the most part. I did sort a bunch of laundry and get a few loads started but then I goofed off for a good part of the day. I get one day off a week, generally Wednesday, from being a SAHM and my mom takes the Bee. Because I'm so drained, I usually tend to screw around most of the day online or something equally nonsensical. Thus the piles of clutter we're living in... *sigh*
But not all was lost today. I did put together a couple of bags for the USPS food drive to hang on my mailbox Saturday. I also set up and automatic transfer of $10 to our ING account. In our current situation I suppose I will call it the beginning trickle of an emergency fund and a step toward one of my goals. Really tho', we desperately need to go to the dentist. We seriously haven't been to the dentist in oh... five years. That is so bad it is not even funny. Anyway, any dental insurance we get will require 6 months to a year after the initial dental visit to be able to do any major dental work. And we're going to need major dental work. I'm sure our dentist's grandchildren will go to college on the problems in our mouths. Life has been nuts and we just haven't gone. Now it's going to cost us a bundle when preventative care would've nipped most problems in the bud. Curse you health care in America!!! Needless to say, we can't afford to plop these expenses on a credit card and we sure can't pay it outright and we can't deal with another payment plan. So, I'm earmarking this as... the DENTAL FUND. It's not much but it's a start. I think Hubby's new job might have a HSA. If so, we're hopping on that so fast your head'll spin.
Also, today I FINALLY learned Excel. I know I know I'm a total loser for going this long. My computer class in high school vaguely went over it but I let it go over my head and haven't really tried to learn it since. But today I decided it had been long enough to be ridiculous so I found a free tutorial that didn't suck. Lo and behold not but halfway through the second lesson, I was able to put together a rockin' spreadsheet for our debt repayment. SQUEE!!! It really wasn't so hard ultimately... hee.
So that's it. Two steps the right way financially and a big fat stall organizationally. Not too bad.

The Knot Tightens

The knot in the pit of my stomach is tightening...
Billy got paid yesterday and now we have... $20 (!) left to get us through the next two weeks. That is so terrible I can't begin to describe how I feel. Our bills are paid at least but it still remains that: both vehicles need gas, Billy is going on a business trip starting tomorrow and any expenses incurred will have to go on a credit card until they get comped, Bee needs more food, we had to put the SUV repair on a credit card which kills me, we're going to need cat AND dog food before the two weeks are up... $20 is not going to cut it. I really need to breathe... *hyperventilating*
OK, deep breath, for real. We have enough to get gas in the car to get us to the airport. The SUV won't really be driven until Billy officially starts commuting so it can live without a fillup. The expenses WILL get comped eventually and won't just sit on the card (hate hate hate hate hate doing that!!!). Baby food and pet food... I'm not sure.
*crossing fingers that the swing on Craigslist actually sells tomorrow*
OK. I can probably scrape up another $3.50 Purina coupon and pay the difference with Register Rewards at Walgreens. That'll take care of cat food. I can also probably scrape up another $3 Gerber coupon and get some free puffs for Bee. Otherwise, we'll pretend the Parent's Choice puffs are comparable and buy those on the cheap. In the mean time, she'll just have to eat applesauce and sweet potatoes - no variety but at least they're two of her faves.
So... now we're down to the repair bill and the dog food.
I have no idea.
Hmmm.
Well, anyway, just to add to more fabulous news, I finally got all of our medical bills in a nice and organized binder. It looks very pretty! ^_^ But that's where the happiness ends. ;_; Putting it all together like that and adding on the new bills du jour, we have a grand total of $3311.24 in medical bills! And I just got another one today for $160. Soooo we're looking at $3471.24 with more coming everyday! Ugh.

What a Week...

Well, it finally happened. We had to take the SUV in and put the repair on a credit card. ;_; Nooooooooooooooooooooooo.... It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be at $107. Argh. I was going to borrow from my parents (which I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE to do) but they have enough going on right now and it already looks like we'll have to borrow to bridge the gap between Billy's last paycheck with the old company and the first paycheck with the new company. *sigh* Bleh. I despise not having an emergency fund anymore. Yes, we used the emergecy fund for an emergency but it never got rebuilt. That sucks.
Anyway, that was Thursday. Since then we have:

Eaten out WAY too much (about $50 worth)
Almost had to pay late fees on the movies we rented for free from Redbox (we got them back with three minutes to spare)
Forgotten about the registration renewal for the SUV and had to spend $58 today that we didn't have
Received another ugly chunk of hospital bills (I seriously need to sit down and get them all organized. The three we have been paying on were kinda easy to keep track of but now they're getting out of control. That's one of my #1 priorities for tomorrow.)
That was the bad stuff. Now for the good:
We started going through the garage. YAY! We made HUGE leaps in the declutter area and now have a nice chunk of sell items for the garage sale. I'd say we're about half way through the STUFF.
Sold a shirt on eBay. I didn't make a ton off of it but a little is better than nothing and having it out of the house is wonderful.
Got a bunch of free formula! Raley's was clearing out some for $5.74. I found a coupon in the free coupon box at the library for $5 that brand... 74 cents spent rocks for formula. Then yesterday, I got a sample canister from Enfamil and a day's worth sample packet from Parent's Choice. Bee is old enough now that her tummy can handle the different formulas as long as it is mixed with a majority of her Similac. Unfortunately, we're almost out of Similac. >_<
Ultimately, right now I'm dealing with one of the things I hate most ~ Not having enough for essentials. I miss the days when this was not an issue. I used to think I was an amazing financial guru... I didn't know anything back then. Now I know so much more. I think our whole situation would be different if I could tell that newlywed girl the secrets and hacks I know now about couponing and rebates and freebies and all that jazz. Alas, I'm still making mistakes left and right but at least we're slowly getting on the right track. In the mean time, I have $10 to buy contact lens solution, dog food and formula. I have no clue how I'm going to pull this off.

Addendum

In addition to the clutter and financial goals I posted yesterday, you may have noticed the weight loss ticker as well. I suppose if I'm going to have the ticker, I might as well make it an official goal. Right now, I think it will have to go in phases. Ultimately, I woud like to lose 30-35 pounds total. In the mean time, I just want to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight as it has already been almost a year. I lost it all right away as is usually the case with an abdominal surgery. Then it just pops back up. Not all. I gained 23 pounds total and lost about half. So yeah. I'm going to put that goal as:

Lose the Baby Weight aka Lose 12 Pounds ~ August 18
I'm putting it on Hubby's birthday so I can't forget the date. It's also right around my next doctor visit cuz I really don't want a speech about weight. ^_^ I haven't really decided what path I want to take to drop the weight... We'll see.

Also, as far as financial goals go, it's easy to look at the whole figure and go WHOA that's a lot of money and not really think about where that money went. Paying off $25000 in credit card debt will be easier (I think/hope) if I can have mini-goals of what I'm actually paying off. So here's a really rudimentary (but generally accurate) breakdown of where it all came from...

$5000 = Medical Emergencies & Pre-Insurance Prenatal Care circa 2007
$5000 = Furnishing & Stocking New Home circa 2007
$5000 = Incidentals & Filling in the Gaps Between Paychecks circa 2007 & 2008
$5000 = Water Filtration System circa 2008
$5000 = Just Plain Stupidity circa 2007 & 2008

In addition to my other goals, I'll be keeping track of what I'm actually paying off. Right now, I'm working on the "Stupidity". That way, I can stop beating myself up about it. After that, I'm torn between paying off furnishing the house or the incidentals. Probably the incidentals cuz there's only so much longer I can stand paying interest on groceries and gas that are long long gone. *sigh* I know it's all really a mind game but it makes me feel better. I honestly think it will be a huge relief to say, "We paid off our stupidity!!! Unneccesary tchotskes and trinkets from that trip to Disney World? PAID OFF. That Bose surround sound system we really really didn't need? PAID OFF. All that random crap we'll be selling at the yard sale for pennies on the dollar? PAID OFF. That pointless maternity discount card that didn't do anything and I never cancelled and got charged for every month? PAID OFF." Not there yet, but when we are, mark my words, I'll be doing a great big happy dance! (That will also burn some calories... hee hee)

Gooooooooooooooals!

OK, I think I'm feeling better now. I'm still miffed about the overdraft fee but it was a lesson well learned. Onward!
Recently, I dicovered that American Express was offering cardholders a free credit report with credit score- no strings attached. I hopped on that and discovered my credit score is (drumroll please)... 717! Three points under the national median and better than I thought it would be. Granted, I always pay on time and fight tooth and nail everyday to make sure none of our medical bills end up in collections. But our debt-to-credit ratio is UGLY. Based on this, I decided to set a goal of where I want my score to be. So here it goes, along with the rest of my short term goals:

Dig Out of the Clutter and Hold a Garage Sale ~ June 13
So far, we haven't gotten that far yet. We started and... well, there was a huge family reunion/anniversary party last weekend and we just kind of swept that under the rug. Bleh.

Get Under $20,000 in Debt by 25 ~ July 27
I'm hoping this is still a feasible goal. All of April's "snowflakes" have gone to making ends meet unfortunately but we still have 3 months so better luck in May. (and June and July ^_^)

Pay Off the American Express Card Before They Shut it Off ~ September 30
Honestly, I'm hoping that this will mesh with the under 20K goal but I'm still giving it a buffer. That will be 6 months since they lowered the credit limit for the second time and I'm going by the assumption that they look at the situation about every 6 months. If they choose to shut it down then, so be it. At least I won't have a balance on a closed account. And once all of this is said and done and we're debt free, I'm going to cancel this card and tell them exactly WHY. Good frickin' job American Express, sticking it to your good customers in their biggest time of need...

Pay Off the Current Medical Debt ~ December 4
Ah. This one is tricky since this debt grows practically everytime I walk to the mailbox. So I'm going to put this as... pay off the birth of Bee and her stay in the nursery by the time she is 18 months. Anything past that and I just think it would drive me bananas.

Get the SUV in Tip-Top Shape in Case We Need to Sell it ~ May 16
It's not just that we might have to sell it. Billy just took a job 60 miles away and will need the most gas-friendly vehicle for the commute. This means Bee's carseat is moving and I'm taking over the SUV. It makes more sense really just in general since the stroller is taking up my ENTIRE trunk and grocery runs tend to overflow into the backseat and it's a mess. Toward this goal, Kevin (now just parttime Roomie cuz he also got a job 60 miles away and will be staying at various friends' places during the work week) and I cleaned out the clothes explosion from the back of Mr. SUV. See, we lived in a teeny tiny one bedroom mini house for about a year (fondly called the Funky Lil Shack) when we took our sabbatical. (Yes, sabbatical. Back when we were invincible and not financial slackers.) We packed up our clothes and put them in storage and lived off a very minimalistic wardrobe as we had a teenier tinier closet and one little dresser. And we weren't in need of work clothes at the time. Anyhoo, these clothes have followed us around ever since and when we got gung-ho about cleaning out the garage one day, we thought it would be a good idea to stick them in the back of the SUV until we could go through them... BIG MISTAKE. That was... October or November I think. Yeah. Bad idea. BUT, today I narrowed it down to three boxes of keep plus quilts Nana made and a few beach towels, 12 garbage bags to go to the thrift shop, one box to sell at the garage sale and a few throw aways (dead socks and whatnot). OH YES. We still have to get it to the shop and a few other things but it's a really really good start.

Get $500 in an Emergency Account ~ December 31
I know this is a really far away goal for such a little amount but if you look at how much we have going on, it seems like a fortune. Right now, we're at a big fat goose egg in savings. ZERO ZIP NADA.

Get Credit Score up to the Median ~ ???
I really don't know how this works... But every little bit we pay off helps tremendously.

So there ya go. My goals. WOOT! It feels good to get them out actually. Deep breath and.... GO!

Going Down Down Down

First EVER overdraft fee. EVER.
Dangerously close on falling behind on bills. Dangerously.
The End.

Freebies Rock My World

OK, I have to admit that a good portion of the reasoning behind our Get Out of Debt Plan was a fluke that had everything to do with freebies. Both of these things happened around the same time. I don't remember which one happened first. Here it goes.
I'm going to say that this happened first- I got my first taste of getting something for nothing at Walgreens. I had been suffering with cheapo shampoo and conditioner and my hair was rebelling and my scalp was crazy itchy but I was going to live with it until the next payday when I would go plunk down a fiver for a bottle of Fructis. Then I stumbled across a Walgreens circular and saw that with their coupon I could get a bottle for 99 cents. The same price as I was paying for the cheap crappy shampoo!!! Whee! I went skipping down there as soon as possible. What did I find? I found some bottles were on sale for $2.17. The coupon was for $2.50 off. Put two and two together and VOILA! A free bottle of Fructis! I was hooked. I then discovered the rebates. And the Register Rewards. And the ability to double up coupons on an item. OH JOY! I now have a nice arsenal of Fructis and Herbal Essences so my hair doesn't have a break down and it was all free. I also have a ridculously large stockpile of free toothpaste. I once know a man who lived off of a tube of toothpaste for a month while in Vietnam so I suppose it could come in handy someday... Anyway, the freebies that way have been eye-opening for me. I can't believe I've been paying for all this stuff my whole adult life! It's a travesty!
Secondly (I think), I was told about The Freebie Blogger. Handsdown the best freebies site EVER. I go there everyday without fail. The thrill of a thick envelope or little box in the mailbox gives me enough of a buzz the abstain from random shopping. It's weird but true. I got the tiniest little roll of toilet paper the other day that was so cute and unexpected I was showing it off. Crazy, huh?
Once the freebies ball got rolling, I really got into seeing how much for how little I could get at the grocery store. The stores in my area do not double coupons so it's an even bigger challenge. My best so far has been 63% off the original bill. ^_^ Yay!
When all of these came together, I realized we could live without credit cards. Some weeks it's a stretch but we've already made it over a quarter of a year and taken almost 10% off our original debt load. We probably could have done better but we're still learning.

Meandering Mind

I was up late with the Bee last night and random thoughts kept passing through my head. Here they are:

Diapers.com: What's the big deal? In my PF blog perusals, I always come across shopping at diapers.com to save money on baby items. I've looked over and over and I just don't see the appeal. Am I missing something? Is there a special secret price list somewhere for frugal baby stuff shoppers that I just can't see? Honestly, the prices are just not that amazing. I can do better at Walmart even without a coupon. I can do amazingly better at Walgreens when they have a sale and I pull out the big guns of Walgreens hacks.

Penny-wise Pound-foolish: I was reading an old post on Shtinkycat about saving money in the short term while risking long term expenses far higher than the original expense would have been. After reading this I felt really bad about not getting ye olde SUV looked at. Honestly, I have no idea where the money is going to come from to fix it but how will I feel when it dies completely and we're stuck without it? I think I'm finally breaking my pride down enough to call on the Bank of M&D aka a parental loan. I hate hate hate to do that but we just can't have a vehicle out of commission.

That's pretty much it for now I guess. I desperately need a nap and Bee is sleeping right now so I'm going to try and sneak in a quickie Mommy snooze. *yawn*

I Can Never Have a Total Money Makeover

I have never read the ubiquitous Dave Ramsey book but I get the jist of his cash-only lifestyle. I realize he also allows debit cards but anyway... I do NOT carry cash. At all. If I have cash it disappears. I don't understand why I get that way. I've been selling stuff on craigslist to the tune of $80 total and when I went to deposit the cash, I had $31 left. I blew threw $49 over the weekend on ridiculous expenses. Cash seems to say to me... "I'm just paper. You can get these random items that you want at this exact moment but probably won't want in an hour or so just by handing me over. And I'm just paper. No big deal." Yeah. It's horrible and I'm totally beating myself up about it. Grrr.
This weekend was not a good money weekend. It started with going to a movie and out to dinner to the tune of $80. We got takeout three times. I had to buy baby sunscreen which is ridiculously expensive and they had a display of toddler sunglasses that I should've resisted but bought anyway with PAPER (see above). Then I spent the afternoon with my mom putting together favors and whatnot for the anniversary party this weekend and Billy and Bee spent the day together which culminated in the purchase of a spendy Elmo toy. Argh. He went to the store to buy a cheap ball to play with at the park and, well, the rest is history. I guess in defense of cash-only living, I could've given him a 5 or 10 or whatever and said, "This is for lunch and incidentals." Which would've resulted in him eating at home and buying the ball only. OK OK that's great but that isn't stopping me from my bad cash habits... I'm a failure!

Dejunkify Update

I forgot to mention that we also returned one eBay item and one Walmart purchase that have been sitting in our house unopened for awhile. Less stuff and money back... oh yeah! Plus, today I sold Bee's tummy time mat on craigslist making my profit for the last two days a grand total of $80. The person interested in the swing was a no show so that one's at a standstill for now. I also listed the cosleeper we didn't really use and it has potentially sold as well. Wheeeeeee for extra cash!
Now of course I have a conundrum to deal with. Do I throw this cash at debt or put it aside for the inevitable car repairs? I would love to make a chunky payment toward AmEx but I don't want to put the repairs on a credit card. I think I just answered my own question. I'll hold onto it and get the car into the shop. *sigh* Such is life.
Out of nowhere today Hubby decided he wanted to go thru the storage boxes we've had piled in the garage since we moved in and we made pretty decent progress in weeding out things to sell and trash. This worked out great since I wanted to set a personal deadline to get through it all. I'm looking at June 13 for planning a garage sale forcing us to plow through it in two months or less. Hopefully less.

Dejunkify

I'm desperately trying to dejunkify our house and in turn our lives. ^_^
In the last week I have...
Dumped a box of magazines at the library
Recycled three big bags of grocery bags
Recycled five bags of aluminum cans
Thrown away about a shoebox worth of junk from the garage
Listed three things on eBay, two of which have already sold
Listed three things on craigslist, one of which has already sold and two of which are going to be looked at tomorrow

In the mean time, I did buy one Easter chick stuffie for Baby Bee's basket which did benefit the March of Dimes... and a shirt for her to wear under her dress for my grandparents' 50th anniversary party next week. So a bunch of stuff out, one tiny stuffie and one tiny shirt in. Not too bad plus I made $70, potentially $127 if everything else sells.

WOOT!

No Better, No Worse

This week has brought new stresses but nothing too bad hopefully. Billy is leaving his job to take a new position in the family business. I'm wary of putting my family back together in the business world yet again but his current position is eating him alive. It potentially could pay more but it could potentially pay less as well. So we'll see. *sigh*
Billy is learning reluctantly to stop pestering me about his "needs" that are really "wants". Yes, I too WANT new couches but there's just no way. Unfortunately, after three and a half months of not using credit cards, I'm starting to worry that we will actually have to put some genuine needs on what little credit we have left. We rearranged our livng room to make more space for Baby Bee and she took that as her cue to truly learn to crawl. I thought for sure she was going to skip crawling and just want to walk which would require us as balance for another month at least. But no, she's officially mobile now. So somehow we have to come up with the scratch to buy babyproofing paraphenalia. Just the baby gates alone will put us back quite a bit. I've been looking on craigslist to no avail. Also, we still desperately need to get our SUV looked at as it's overheating every time it's driven. If we don't get it taken care of soon, it will become an even bigger problem... I don't know what to do.
Well, we didn't add to cards but we could only pay the minimums for the most part yet again. Any extra little bits get put on Priority #1 Card, the American Express. We barely paid off anything this month. And the medical bills are becoming more and more of nightmare. Tomorrow, I have to call the devil's insurance for the umpteenth time about Billy's ER visit from last July. Pain in the butt. I'm getting ridiculously good at it though. Grrr. I'm debating about calling Countrywide about the whole "Making Home Affordable" movement that's going into effect as of late. I'm wondering if it will be better to bide my time until it gets more established. Either way I have to call them about getting proof that we paid off our Fernley mortgage so I can try to get a refund from HUD.
Enough about money, As an aside, we're also digging out of our horrendous stash of clutter. I guess you could look at it like our debt. We got into that mess and this mess because of medical emergencies hitting us left and right for the last two years. Last Wednesday, I shredded a medium size box of papers from 2006 and 2007. Which means they've moved with us TWICE. How horrible is that? Yesterday, I took a big box of magazines dating back to 2007 to the library. I refuse to get stuck under that pile again. It felt really good to get a whole box of clutter out of my house. it also felt great to rearange to living room and completely ditch our coffee table, forcing us to go through mail, take dishes to the sink, clean up our mess!! Tomorrow, my goal is to start the immense purging of our closet. Billy is a clothes freak - if it's on sale and it's his size it comes home. I know for a fact that's at least five shirts hanging in the closet taking up valuable real estate in our tiny closet that he hasn't worn in over a year if not longer. We also have souvenirs from our anniversary trip a year and half ago that are in boxes and bags that have never been opened. It's a travesty since they just barely got paid off. I don't even think they've been paid off in their entirety. Bleh, we are sick sick people. What a hole we've dug.
To round out my thoughts about clutter I leave with this: It takes just as long to put something in the wrong place as it does to put it in the right place. I read this recently and didn't think much of it until today when I found that Kevin took a paper plate that needed to be thrown away from breakfast past the trash can and into the kitchen which he proceeded to place on the counter. It would've taken less time just to throw it away! So yes. As soon as I find the right place for everything and ditch all our junk, it will indeed be easier to put everything in it's place.

Fabulous Failings!

This week has brought nothing but trouble. I completely miscalculated the amount I needed to set aside for health insurance and was left grasping at nothing when I had to come up with an extra $260. I went ahead and paid it since health insurance is on the top of the priority list as far as where our funds go. Unfortunately that meant dipping into the money set aside for our mortgage, another bill high on the priority list. We drained savings last week for groceries and granted, we did get a little too much take out. Baby Bee was in the ER last week with RSV and well... nothing else much mattered. All financial gumption goes out the window in an emergency.
I also got denied for unemployment since I can't seek a full time job right now. That is a load of BS. I also got denied cuz they didn't like my reason for quitting my last job. I think I could successfully appeal that one but there's just no way to have a full time job right now. There's no good daycare here (not like we could afford it anyway) and my only caregivers could be Nana or Mom both of whom have busy schedules themselves. It seems our only options are a part time job that's hours could piggyback Billy's off time and supplemented by my mom's off time or both of us getting decent paying part time jobs. Both options would be big fat juggling acts but I don't know how much longer we can make it on one income. Grrr. Also, Billy's car is mere days away from kicking the bucket. And Kevin can't find a job so he's depressed and that has Billy asking if we can help him out... Uh, no. We can barely help ourselves. He's living here rent free and we feed him. He's a HUGE help with the Bee and will do any household chore asked of him so I'm not really complaining there but we can't make his car payment or his phone bill. No can do. Not in the situation we're in. In the span of a week, two credit cards lowered our credit limit one for the second time. We're baby steps away from them shutting us off completely.
The only ups of this down week were the fact that Billy canceled a game reservation he had at Game Stop (that he made by trading in old games) and they gave him straight up cash. They weren't supposed to do that but thank God they did. We got $47 that bought dog food, cat food, formula, a little gas for ye' olde SUV and it mailed birthday presents for 2 nephews. Presents that I got for free at Walgreens ^_^! Woot! And the other up... is a pending up really. Billy got a letter from his dad's former employer informing us that he had a long lost retirement plan and pension sitting there. Nobody has a clue how much it's worth (probably far less that it was before now) but we might (and it's a big MIGHT) get a little bit of money that way. I'm not holding my breath but it could happen.
So pretty much it's just been freak out after freak out this week. Hopefully April will prove to be a fiscally happy month. Fingers... crossed... XXXX. Yah.

Where We Are

This little family is so far in debt it's not even funny. Granted, I did make the decision to be a stay-at-home mom in our absolute WORST financial state EVER (personally and nationally). This decision is, of course, not as crazy as it sounds. The Bee will be our only biological baby for reasons outside our control and to miss my only chance at this would be a sin in of itself. Nevertheless, the joy that little girl puts in our life seems to be overshadowed sometimes by those flashing numbers above our heads: $23,021.12 in credit card debt! $3500 and counting in medical bills! A mortgage we can barely pay because of our other debt! Student loans racking up!
The student loans make an easy and dreadable deadline for CREDIT CARD PAYOFF. We have until mid-2011 to pay it all off so we can afford to start paying on the loans. BLAH! Ya know, before I had a medical emergency without health insurance (a sin punishable by death in a lot of cases) we never had a lick of debt. At all. Ah, but one surgery and a week in the hospital later there we were. I got fired and we signed the papers on our mortgage. Then I got pregnant. Yup, swipe here swipe there, pay that bill off with another swipe, figure we'll pay it off later swipe swipe swipe and here we sit in a big fat hole. Then it became worse and worse as I went through postpartum depression and well, we just kept buying STUFF. When the money would run out, we'd fill in the gaps with credit cards. I don't even want to think about how many grocery trips and diapers I'm paying off now. Stuff that's been eaten, thrown away and it's still not paid for. Not to mention furniture that's falling apart and trips that are mere memories in a scrapbook - not paid for. Not the trip OR the scrapbook.
But! So far in 2009, except for 2 occasions where I left my debit card in my back pocket after buying gas (a bad habit of mine) and one occasion where I could only get the sale if I used my card, we haven't used a credit card for anything. The 2 "oops" moments were paid for out of the account immediately and the sale charge was only 69 cents and was for six items of clothing one of which I returned making my purchases totally free!
My moment came in January during Oprah's Best Life week. (sidenote* stay-at-home moms are pretty much drawn to Oprah for no apparent reason. It just is...) The show came on on a Thursday and I recorded it and watched it over the weekend. (Our DVR is free thanks to some programming mistakes that DirecTV made and I made Billy sit on the phone with customer service until they compenstated us fully ^_^) Anyway, Suze Orman was on and she asked the viewers to make a pledge to not spend for a day, not use credit cards for a week, and not eat out for a month. Well, I started on a Sunday and it took nothing not to spend that day. Then we stopped using credit cards. And then we never starting using them again. Now here it is, the end of March and we've made leaps in paying off our debt. Granted we've had quite a bit of extra income. We sold a car, Billy got his cost of living grant from school (which I should probably flip over to paying off his loan but there's more pressing debts at hand), and we got our first tax refund as parents. Now, we get to see how well we can do it on Billy's income alone.
My goal is to get under $20000 in debt by 25. That gives me four months to pay off just over $3000. I'm crossing my fingers that I qualify for unemployment so we can put aside a little emergency cash, get Hubby's car fixed, and throw the rest at debt. The only for sure lump of cash I know is coming is the "extra" paycheck in May. I have to talk with Billy about if he wants to charge any rent to Kevin who is currently our Roomie. We're not charging him anything now as he doesn't have a job and he helped us like crazy when we first got out on our own. He's a huge help around the house and it doesn't seem to be costing us too much more for him to be living here. But if Billy is OK with charging him a little, we can have that too. Also, I want to have a garage sale and all of that will go to debt. So we'll see.