RetroPost: 9.27.05

{Saved from Xanga} It's our second anniversary! I can't believe it's been two years since we promised ourselves to each other. We have had so many ups and downs it's unbelievable! Actually, what's even more unbelievable is that even after our most heinous fights, there's never been a moment where we didn't think we could stick it out. There are times where I think I'm going to lose my mind but I love Billy more than you could ever know. We have each other and that's all that matters. In just two hours, I'll be leaving work and going home to whisk my love away for an afternoon of thinking about nothing. I am so excited. I really really wish today was like our first anniversary and we were in a tropical paradise on a secluded beach awaiting a spendy gourmet meal at a swanky resort overlooking a moonlit beach. It's OK, tho', being in good old Nevada. Whether we be walking hand in hand drunk off the sweet Hawaiian air or cuddling in an afternoon matinee in Reno, we always seem to find that sparkle in each other that is especially apparent on days like these. Time is going soooo slowly today which is odd since the last two years have positively FLOWN by. I love being in love. The greatest gift there ever is, is to love and be loved in return..... ~Serenidy

RetroPost: 9.26.05

{Saved from Xanga} OK, I understand that everyone is different, but I feel rather woogy about this. I could take a couple takes on this..... So, Missy comes in looking fairly normal... Then she says, "Argh, I could kick Noah." I say, "Why?" "Just... ARGH." Then, her mom comes up and goes, "What's up?" Then, she's almost in tears.... Weird... One way to take it is- Wow, I really suck at being a friend. But I've known that for awhile now. I need to work on it, but still. The other way I'm taking it is WHAT THE HELL? I couldn't even imagine fighting with Billy to the point of crying to my mom. The basis of their relationship scares me. The whole situation of them "living together" while Missy is living with her parents is just ODD. It just seems to me like the influences of Mommy and Daddy are affecting them in ways that will really hurt in the long run. Unless, of course, they live there forever. I'm not saying everyone should do it like we did, but their way is weird. Last night, we had dinner with Casey and Autumn. If Missy and Noah were any bit as lovey as those two, I wouldn't be a skeptical about their chances of survival. Lastly, I pretty much just want to bash Noah across the face for being a know-it-all bastard 97% of the time. In other news, my new work buddy, Amy is seriously encouraging me to lose some weight. It's not like she means to but she's a poker... And she tends to get my most embarrassing chubba chub- like my back rollies and my arm jobbys. Very nice and tingly, really. I'm in the last leg of my gluttonous Jill phase... This weekend is the last before we put our house on the market and then I'll never have to be that girl again. Lovely thoughts the day before our SECOND ANNIVERSARY!!! I'm so excited. We're not in Hawaii like we were last year but at least we get an afternoon off together.

RetroPost: 9.19.05

Before I go any farther in time without mentioning this... Missy and Noah got engaged. On September 11. At our house in Fernley. The romance is alive... This is following some serious drama regarding the Eddys and us. Iggy shtuff that was... I'm kinda a grudge holder but I'm going to let sleeping dogs lie or whatever the proper saying is... I'm putting it behind me and moving on. They're different people than they show on the outside and I'm unhappy with the inside that I've seen. But who isn't? Either way, I'll take my husband's side on any matter before I'll try to see eye to eye with someone who won't look at the whole situation. Anyhoo.... Today I'm exploring the subject of honesty. Two people at work have been fired for "dishonesty" in the last two work days. It worries me and is making me feel rather ill, indeed. I have a very vague idea of what they were doing, but in seeing all of this, I pray to God to spare me from the repercussions of the "dishonesties" of my life. What's even the point of lying or fudging things over? I know that's an odd thing to ask God for seeing how He hates liars/cheaters/thieves... but in all the blessings I've had in my life I should ask for forgiveness first and foremost. I've spent a good chunk of my life embellishing on my life to make it sound more interesting and fudging things over for my own personal gain. It's so silly! Just being alive is interesting in of itself, being the precious & enigmatic thing that it is, and I'm so lucky in so many aspects of my life. Why try to make it what it's not? So this is me, God. Please spare myself and my family from the repercussions of my dishonest and selfish actions. I have thoroughly seen the errors of my ways and I am pleading for your forgiveness. Amen. Humbly- Jillian

RetroPost: 9.13.05

{Saved from Xanga} My brief blurb of self-pity from yesterday was so selfish and pointless. Especially now, with all these floaties of life's fragility dancing around my head. Three months ago, I wrote about my classmate, Shelby Ako, dying. Not just dying, being raped and murdered. I was really shaken around that time, having someone I had been friends with in junior high, someone so full of life taken like that. I hadn't seen her since graduation or really even spoken to her through high school, but it hit so hard... Well, I just found out that her little sister, Chassey, died on Saturday. Heart failure. Unbelievable for someone so young. She graduated last year. It makes me feel so sick. I didn't know her at all. Oh my god. I can't even imagine how the family must be feeling right now. When someone dies too young I can't help but wait until I reach whatever age they were and think about how much longer I've been able to live. My first experience with young death was when I was 11 and the sister of my best friend died after a really heinous car accident. She was 16. It was one of the first things I thought about when I turned 16. I think about her every March first. Knowing I've been able to live five years longer than she ever got to makes me feel a little sad and very blessed. With Shelby, as long as I made it to August 11, I got to live longer that she ever did. With Chassey, she was younger than me. Forever young. Life is so precious. I want to go home and love my husband and enjoy our time together with no regrets hanging around. There's no time for regrets. What if yesterday afternoon, he had died on his way back from dropping me off or on the way to or from his class? My whole life would be spent wallowing in the fact that we had a horrible fight about something so trivial and I never got to see his smile again. "Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be."

RetroPost: 9.12.05

{Saved from Xanga} I really hate myself sometimes. I treat my husband badly and now I hate myself. I do wish he didn't dwell on things. I can't ever seem to get things right for more than a day.

RetroPost: 9.9.05

{Saved from Xanga} In the thread of one of my favorite Nest blogs, here is the Jill Thompson version of Random Thought Friday. * Seeing the shiny diamond in a box that Noah had yesterday made me feel tickly. He didn't say anything but I can only assume. I wonder how Missy will react to this. I don't really know her much anymore and I'm hoping to fix that when we move. * In the same vein, hearing about them going to Disneyland at Christmas gave me a feeling I've only felt a few times- neutral jealousy. At first I was jealous (a regular Jill feeling) and it was nearly instantly snuffed. I don't know when Noah plans to do what he's gonna do, but I'm hoping it's in Disneyland at Christmas. Missy deserves a romantic story. * In relation to Disney... I really want to go to Disney World with Billy before we decide to have a baby. It's been nearly eight years since I went and I'd really like to go again. I'm seeing that as a family trip... with the whole "can't-rent-a-car-reasonably-until-you're-25" thing. At the same time, I would really like to go on a trip with just my husband, something we haven't done since our honeymoon. I'll have 5 leave days saved up by December. Maybe I should take a few and run for the hills with my love. * Speaking of family, my parents are driving me nuts with their technique of getting us moved. Hopefully, I can get my mom to stay in Fallon and work on our "apartment" for when we're staying with them. Being around them so much has made me feel like a teenager trying to escape. Which makes me ill-at-ease since I'm a married adult... * I'm eating whatever I want until we move and I'm getting kind of sick of all this junk. Give me a salad and some iced tea! I guess that was the point. Getting all my junky tendencies out of my system. Yucky. *This font is "Batang". I decided on it because it reminded me of a dog my grandma had when I was younger that my uncle had named Joeboo Busstop Fatang Fatang Ole Biscuit Barrel. I miss that dog and I miss my uncle. And my aunt. Never work with family. It turns out badly. Well, I think I'm done for today. It turned out more like Crazy Tangent Friday but that works too.

RetroPost: 9.6.05

{Saved from Xanga} So, I don't usually think about the world- what's going on outside my safe little bubble in Northern Nevada- but since I've become kind of a devoted reader of several blogs I've looked into a few things I wouldn't have otherwise. On MSN Spaces, there's a blog of an ER vet that tends to get me a little misty eyed since I'm a huge animal lover. All animals, great and small, pull on my heartstrings. If I was decent at math and science I probably would've considered a vetrinary career. But I'm not, so I didn't. Anyway, I was reading it today and she talked about watching the news and seeing people being rescued from their rooftop after Hurricane Katrina and they had to leave their lab. I was practically in tears. I had to pull myself together really quickly, but I can't get that out of my head. I couldn't even imagine having to leave behind even one of our babies for any reason. Anyway, because of reading that I ended up donating to a charity that helps animals during disasters. I'm feeling kinda fuzzy about it. God help the victims, on two legs and on four.

RetroPost: 9.1.05

{Saved from Xanga} So, we've kinda been househunting around Fallon this last week. We've seen some nightmare houses, some so-so houses, and some pretty decent houses. But nothing that says, "Jill and Billy Thompson will be happy here!!!" The house I liked the best... our bed wouldn't fit in any of the bedrooms. We have a lot riding on this Fallon move. I want it to be perfect. Or as close to perfect as humanly possible. We deserve a break from our poo life. I'm actually kinda excited about moving back in with my parents. Sounds weird, I know, but I'm not looking at it like a step backwards. I'm looking at it as a transition place, a "halfway house" if you will, between the old, unhappy Thompsons and the Thompsons that really have it together. These weeks prior to our move, I'm being a horrible slob and glutton... while planning what I will become. I want to leave the old Jill in Fernley. The unhappy, fat, exhausted Jill will stay in the demon house and I'll detox slowly at my Mom and Dad's. I'm mentally putting a few goal lists together~ "Things I Want to Do While Living With my Parents to Purge Old Iggy Jill From My System and Start Good Longterm Habits" This list includes physical, mental and marital things. The other list is... "Things I Want to Accomplish Before Adding a Tiny Thompson to the Picture" This includes... purging the old iggy Jill out of my system... and travel and school and what not. I should probably write these goals out and truly get my butt in gear to accomplish them. Ultimately, all roads lead to family- a totally different phase of life I'm not ready for quite yet. Tho' I am looking forward to it, I have to be a different person.