RetroPost: 11.22.05

{Saved from Xanga} I am so frickin' annoyed right now I could explode. If we weren't out of here tomorrow night, I would lose my mind. Yep. Totally lose my mind! I am so unhappy with how our life is going I feel sickened by it. If something isn't done, and soon, it'll be too late to get out of this rut. This has got to stop. *sigh* God help us. ~Jilli

RetroPost: 11.20.05

{Saved from Xanga} I'm sooooooooooo frickin' excited!!! In about 20 minutes, I'll be out of here (here being the office, waiting patiently for Billy to finish his education portfolio) and on my way to Reno to indulge in Harry Potter. Before I first started reading the books my senior year, I really don' t think I ever could've thought myself as a possible Potter fangirl canidate, but here I am enjoying it tremendously. I especially love sharing it with Billy. Reading the books to him has been an amzingly fun experience. Another high point of this day is that I actually feel cute and young today. We've been getting a bunch of pictures developed, mainly for his portfolio, and what we thought was a field trip camera ended up being the camera we took on our afternoon anniversary adventure. It wasn't so much that I looked super tubby in most of the pictures (which will probably be the topic for a future post), but that I looked so damn old. My makeupless face looked tired and worn out, my clothes didn't suit me at all and I looked deep into my thirties at least. I've been feeling pretty bad about it all week. How can that possibly be me in those pictures??? That's not me! It can't be! I really have to work on this. It is just ridiculous. I know I have a lot of responsibilities... but it doesn't need to show that badly! My rut needs to be filled in.............. Yeah. I have a lot of work to do for sure. Ooog. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it or not. What I am looking forward to is our trip to Cali for Thanksgiving. It'll be good for us to get out, just the two of us. Hurrah! Well, here's to a wonderful evening coming up and hopefully, a new life plan for the two of us further in the future. Onward.... ~Serenidy

RetroPost: 11.14.05

{Saved from Xanga} Life is so... I don't know what life is right now other than nutters. It's wonderful and horrible and mundane and exciting all at the same time and it's really screwing with my head. Random thoughts are going to shoot out in this post so proceed with caution... (This is known as "the carousel curse") Sooo, I've been thinking about a certain Chinese zodiac horoscope that I read a long time ago and I don't even know what restaurant that haunting placemat was even from. It said that I, as a Rat, have a problem keeping friends. I was indignant at the time but I'm starting to think that echo from the past rings true. Not just now but for my entire lifetime of friendships- Roxanne, Lizzie, Megan, Missy. My best friends. All of whom, at the moment, I'm estranged with. There is so much pain revolving around the fact that I can't keep a best friend for the life of me. I'm so ripped apart by the fact that Missy and I have grown apart like this. I want to reconcile and say screw it all at the same time and that's proving to cause more turmoil than it's worth. ICK. That's the black horse on my carousel. This horse has actually stopped going up and down and is stuck. My job is the navy blue, practically black, horse on my carousel. The more I go, the more I hate it. Like I've said before, I like my job. I hate my workplace. I hate the silence and boredom that has been bestowed upon us. I hate the condescending attitude everyone over 30 has toward Amy and me. I'm severely annoyed that they didn't pay us today supposedly because of Veterans' Day. That's a load of bull. I'm severely annoyed that instead of giving me my ten hours of leave last pay period, they gave me leave without pay. Yeah, I went over my leave hours. At least give me what I have due! I'm severely annoyed that they haven't told me what's up with the five days I'm supposed to get by law. I'm ready to get out of there. They pay me badly, as well. They might as well say, "Hey, come to work and we'll pay your house payment and buy ya a couple of gallons of milk." Argh. Billy's sense of wanderlust and general fidgetiness is the grey horse. I understand wanting to get out of here. Now that we're here... we don't want to be. I'll be the first to admit not commuting is kick ass but Fallon isn't as tantalizing as it was when we were in Fernley. I understand wanting to move away, far far away. It just scares me. I'm undecided on that matter. Thus it is my grey horse. We went up to Elko and checked out the real estate up there. Not bad. I don't really want to live in Elko either. If there's one thing it did show us, tho', it's that we need to just get out and be us and have fun. Leave for a weekend and have a blast. Take a drive. Galumph in the mountains. Go shopping for something frivilous. We're getting so old. We think our only options are to sit around a house that isn't even ours and watch a movie. That's fun sometimes. Not all the time. I shudder to think of all the times we've sat inside on a beautiful day and watched movies because we could afford that kind of entertainment and we wanted to hide. How stupid! We decided to go see Stefanie on our three day weekend at the very last minute. And in the day between our split second decision and the day we left, I looked forward to it so much. In another week, we'll be heading down to Cali for Thanksgiving with Billy's mom. And I'm head over heels with excitement!!! And we can do this whenever we damn well please!!! What the hell has been stopping us??? I have no idea. This realization is my pretty rainbow horse. That's my life right now. For the most part. Yeah. ^_^ SeReNiDy

RetroPost: 11.05.05

{Saved from Xanga} ARGH! I am so sick of my stupid job right now. I'm sick of a lot of things actually... I'm feeling stressed. My week started out with Amy getting caught forcing a close. I felt extremely bad for her since I have a tendency to force closes quite a bit. Never for a lot... just... why should you spend the precious fifteen minutes after close to scramble to find a measly couple of bucks? Unfortunately, she was off that couple of bucks because she didn't do a movement from the vault... thus, she got caught, and, like I would've done, lamely tried to cover it up. *sigh* So, she ended up going into a closed door session in Linda's office. I assumed it was just because of that so when she came out and said I needed to go in there, I was like WTF??? It ended up being a speech about Internet use at work. It was pretty much that our computer guy has been monitoring our Internet use and he's a big f*cker. Then she lamely went on about how we need to make a good impression on our board and the higher ups because we're not growing as a credit union. What they don't understand is that our lack of growth has nothing to do with our online time... We're online all the time because there's no growth! And there isn't sufficent growth because there's 11 other financial institutions in Fallon. So now I've been playing Freecell like crazy which is much less productive than balancing my checkbook, paying bills, blogging... But I sorta understand. What I didn't understand was when she said,"We've talked to you about this three times.." I was like HUH? Actually, she never has. Then she said, "If this doesn't stop, some things will happen that won't be... very nice." The hell are you talking, woman? I almost died trying not to laugh at that one. All in all tho, it's made my boring job that much less tolerable. That and they take everything out on Amy. Yeah, she can be a tad annoying sometimes but she's caught on quickly even tho she barely got any training at all. On Thursday she told me she wants to quit. The more I think about it, the more I want to quit as well. I know I can't at the moment, not until we get into a new house. Once we get the mortgage for a new place, it'll just be... boost our emergency fund like crazy or have a new job lined up. Or stay where I am... I really do like being a teller. It's just we get looked down upon so badly and there's no real room for improvement except becoming a loan officer which I already know I don't want to do. On top of it all, my direct supervisor is Faith and she really rubs me the wrong way. Not just as a coworker but as a person in my personal life as well. Being Missy's mom and all, working with her can be uncomfortable and on the inside, she isn't the nicest person. From what I've seen and experienced, she's a hypocritical busybody. Not a combination I find appealing. Going along with that, it seems that Missy and Noah have distanced themselves again. It's getting to the point where I don't even know if it's worth it or not to continue dragging that friendship along. I love Missy dearly... Noah and her mom fill her head with things. Noah is very hard to listen to... he's full of stupid a lot. So I don't know where that stands. Argh yet again. And lastly, the stress all gets together in my mommy's kitty, Socks, got hit by a car (we assume) and broke her back. They took her up to Reno and she had surgery yesterday. It's been an incredibly stressful week. Soooo tired. But at least this font makes me smile. God watch over us.