RetroPost: 8.29.05

{Saved from Xanga} Last night, Bear came home!!!!! She's super skinny, smelly, and covered in God knows what but she's alive and back home! The whole thing was really odd... I was feeling blah since I had just seen Bear's kitten picture on the fridge. I went into the bathroom to put my hair back since I had hurty pigtail head. When I came out, Billy was sitting on the bed and decided I was way sexy with my hair pulled back in a ponytail. So, he started kissing on me and I was overcome with this wave of sadness about our missing babies. I told him about it and he said that he knew in his heart that they were alive and we just needed to pray for their safety. When we left the room, Raven was eating the garlic fries we had left on the table and Billy yelled at her. So she ran off with her tail between her legs and opened the dog door with her nose. It's been closed since we've been keeping Tana in. I felt bad that she got yelled out cuz we had locked them out all day, so I was going to go get her and IN WALKS BEAR! Everything clicked together to get my baby back. This ordeal has made me wary of getting our Kero back. Seeing how bad Bear looked after a week... I don't know... But I will not give up hope. God watch over our Kero and try to get him home safely.

RetroPost: 8.26.05

{Saved from Xanga} I have felt like hell all day long today. Last night we went on a thorough search of the neighborhood for Bear and, with a twinge of bittersweet hope, Kero. Losing one kitty is tragic, losing two so close together is heart breaking and suspicious. After our sweep, Billy went to ask our "neighbor" across the street if he's seen anyone suspicious around our yard, since he's a huge busybody peeping tom asshole who would notice something like that. It was a mistake to ask cuz he said some pretty heinous things that made me cry for hours. Pretty much it's been decided that we can't spend much longer living in Fernley. It's too sickening. With a heavy heart, I pray for the safety of our babies.

RetroPost: 8.25.05

{Saved from Xanga} Old Navy gave me a $900 credit line....... We're becoming adults... The only thing we didn't put on credit cards last night was cough drops and dinner at Chili's. We spent about $280 on three different cards which is HUGE for us. But is was exciting. Plus, I'm wearing a cute new outfit. I feel like shit today tho'. We haven't seen Bear in about two days and with Kero missing too I'm out of my mind with worry. God, I hope everything makes a turn for the better when we move. I have extremely high hopes going on. I just hope I don't get screwed over.

RetroPost: 8.24.05

{Saved from Xanga} I feel really embarrassed that I'm STILL obsessing about the COMPLETELY FAKE MADE UP Ash thing. I shouldn't feel this way... This is the weirdest thing I have ever felt and I've had some pretty f*cked up emotions in my day. I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed about writing out these crazy thoughts since no one else can read this blog, but I can't help myself from feeling like a freak. If I write it out, it'll make it a honest-to-god psychological problem... I kind of brought it up to Billy today... leaving out the part about lusting after an NPC.... which, of course, is the part that worries me the most... FREAK!!! Anyways, IN THE REAL WORLD, I'm hoping Billy decided to cut his last Tae Kwon Do class and go back to school shopping in Reno tonight. That would excite me. It'll be weird cuz for the first time ever in our whole married life we'll be putting stuff mainly on credit cards. That makes me feel woogy. I'm going to try to get an Old Navy card today. I assume I'll get it but if not we'll be spending some out of our exploding car money which is supposed to be going to our old house renovations. How very responsible!!! We're still young..... we get to be pathetically irresponsible sometimes. Huzzah! Plus, it'll be fun as hell to hang out like dating kids for an evening. It's weird that Billy randomly decided to go to college but I think it'll be awesome in the long run. I've decided that if he likes it and is going back next semester, I'll go too. I have a lot of credits already, oddly enough, so maybe I'll get a degree just to show that I can be smart sometimes... Woot!

RetroPost: 8.22.05

{Saved from Xanga} Wow, it's been a long time. I just haven't been in the mood to remember anything lately, I suppose. I do feel like writing now since I'm in such an odd mind set. Weird stuff going on in my head. So, last night we finished our role play that we've been doing since January. The ending really threw me for a loop. For the first time ever, Billy gave me a love interest other than Keizo. He gave me this guy named Ash and on Saturday Ash and Serenidy got really serious. Wow, that sounds nutters. But seriously now, I've been dwelling on this and my brain doesn't know how to process it. It feels so tickly... I don't even know how to explain it. The crazy bit is, I kinda like the feeling. Anyways, I think it's just that so much is happening all at once. Kero is missing. That's killing me. We're going to move out of our first house soon. I'm feeling very nostalgic.... I feel like I'm losing everything and my life is going totally wonky. I'm excited to see where we're going from here... but I'm scared. I don't want to be this girl anymore. I want to be more like Serenidy. There's a little bit of crazy in my mind right now and it needs an outlet... When we get out of Fernley, I'm going to leave old Jill there. She can stay and wallow in her discontentment. I was born a Fallon kid... I'll forever be Fallon kid. Even living with my parents again... ODD! But maybe then, I can find that person that I used to know. The one that thought "every curb was an adventure". I lost her somewhere. ~Serenidy

RetroPost: 8.6.05

{Saved from Xanga} Argh. I'm so annoyed at being here right now. I wish we already lived in Fallon so I wouldn't feel so obligated to come to work with Billy on Saturdays. It's not quite fair, really, seeing as he gets Monday off and I don't. Yeah, I don't have to work while I'm here but I don't really think he's working over at his desk right now so DON'T BITCH!!! He likes to bitch about his job. I'm just in a bad mood right now. I don't know what I thought I'd be doing today but I kinda had the mind set that I could keep myself occupied. Well, I've done everything... and there's still three hours left of being here. Ya know, I probably would've stayed home if we didn't have this family thing to go to the evening. Not that I'm complaining about the family thing... Just blargh about sitting here with nothing to do. I don't think that Billy realizes that sitting at a computer with not much to do is work for me. That's what I do at work!!! So, yeah. I guess I'll go to IKEA.com and do some imaginary interior decorating for our "bungalow". Hee hee. Yup Yup Yup... Jilli

RetroPost: How much do we care about independence?

{Saved from The Nest} Argh, we're at a crossroads that I never even considered possible... So, we've been bouncing around ideas, trying to get us into Fallon affordably. We don't want to live in Fernley anymore seeing as we both work here now and our house is starting to fall apart. That and, plain and simple, the commute is killing us royally. Physically (since we're too tired to exercise or cook a decent dinner once we get home), mentally (just knowing that when you wake up there's a long drive ahead of you is killer), and monetarily (gas is insane and the car loves to break down). My parents have this nice piece of property they inheirited about 3 1/2 years ago that they subdivided into three lots. They sold the one with the house on it for hella cheap to my grandparents about two years ago, sold one last year and have had the middle lot sitting there. They offered it to us for $40K which sounded great last year but now, with the Fallon housing bubble the way it is, it's worth more than double that. I feel bad having them practically sitting on a gold mine, offering it to us for a few pieces of silver, so to speak. So, that's the main option we've been kicking at, but I'm fairly certain we can't afford it even with the awesome price. So here's the dilemma... Last night, dear mom and dad put out another proposition. They're allowed to build a "guest house" on their lot... So the idea is... build this "guest house" and "rent" it out to us. In all honesty, I'm thinking this is a wonderful horrible idea. It would be so cheap and it would be the perfect little house... But in the same aspect, it seems to be a huge step backwards for us and our independence. Yes, with the other lot we'd be living next door to my grandparents... but this would literally be living in my mom and dad's backyard. It was one thing getting married in their backyard... Since I've had this on my mind, I'll be going along thinking it's a great idea since it would be so cheap. Then, suddenly, I'll panic about how bad of an idea it really is. Truly though, it's the only way we could afford to move to Fallon right now unless we got rid of everything we've ever worked for and started to rent again. I am so confused!!!! Argh! ~Jilli

RetroPost: 8.3.05

Argh, we're at a crossroads that I never even considered possible... So, we've been bouncing around ideas, trying to get us into Fallon affordably. We don't want to live in Fernley anymore seeing as we both work here now and our house is starting to fall apart. That and, plain and simple, the commute is killing us royally. Physically (since we're too tired to exercise or cook a decent dinner once we get home), mentally (just knowing that when you wake up there's a long drive ahead of you is killer), and monetarily (gas is insane and the car loves to break down). My parents have this nice piece of property they inheirited about 3 1/2 years ago that they subdivided into three lots. They sold the one with the house on it for hella cheap to my grandparents about two years ago, sold one last year and have had the middle lot sitting there. They offered it to us for $40K which sounded great last year but now, with the Fallon housing bubble the way it is, it's worth more than double that. I feel bad having them practically sitting on a gold mine, offering it to us for a few pieces of silver, so to speak. So, that's the main option we've been kicking at, but I'm fairly certain we can't afford it even with the awesome price. So here's the dilemma... Last night, dear mom and dad put out another proposition. They're allowed to build a "guest house" on their lot... So the idea is... build this "guest house" and "rent" it out to us. In all honesty, I'm thinking this is a wonderful horrible idea. It would be so cheap and it would be the perfect little house... But in the same aspect, it seems to be a huge step backwards for us and our independence. Yes, with the other lot we'd be living next door to my grandparents... but this would literally be living in my mom and dad's backyard. It was one thing getting married in their backyard... Since I've had this on my mind, I'll be going along thinking it's a great idea since it would be so cheap. Then, suddenly, I'll panic about how bad of an idea it really is. Truly though, it's the only way we could afford to move to Fallon right now unless we got rid of everything we've ever worked for and started to rent again. I am so confused!!!! Argh! ~Jilli

RetroPost: 8.2.05

{Saved from Xanga} Good God, time passes way to quickly... Kevin left yesterday and it left us all more than a little melancholy. It is kind of nice having the house to ourselves again, tho'. Billy was sweet enough to realize I was feeling a little sick and a little sad about Kevin leaving while at the same time, feeling very drained from the last three weeks. So, being the sweetie that he is, he skipped class and spent the evening with me. Strangely, we both have subconsciously decided to do something to get healthy. I think it was that we spent a month goofing off and since we were getting back to just the two of us on the first day of a new month, it seemed like a good time to make some changes. So we went shopping for healthy food. Which was NOT a relaxing experience. Enlightening as it was, it was tiring!!! See, if we give Tasha cash, she'll give us double that in groceries with her food stamps. Since she's not the brightest when it comes to money (obviously, seeing as they're a welfare/rez family with a brand new Expedition...), we take advantage of it! Unfortunately, it was the first and about 80% of Fallon is on food stamps so it was PACKED. With a capital PACKED. We waited in line for a half hour! So, my elightenment. First off, I have discovered how odd it is to see the dregs of Fallon come up and go shopping. To see these unhealthy looking parents with their dirty, straggly kids with carts of fruit snacks, sugar cereal, soda, and Popsicles was a real eye-opener. I feel just that much more on top of things and blessed to have what we have. It's not much, but it's more than a lot of people have! Not just in material things, but common sense and money management skills. I pride myself in the way I handle our checkbook. It's my one wifely duty that I really excel at. (I can be smug sometimes... hee hee) Anyway, I also learned that I am so not ready for a kid. It was actually kind of a conflict of interest. On the one hand, there was Billy, my gentle giant of a husband, with a bright blue Snugli wrapped around him, looking down at our baby nephew, Chayse, cooing and making faces, bouncing up and down, positively glowing with baby love. It was so adorable. I know he's going to be an awesome dad. But on the other hand, there I was holding a spit-uppy baby while trying to drag two carts of groceries around while he got heavier and stinkier with each passing moment. No babies for us! -K- I gotta go... Jilli