So I'm crazy surprised that I've gone this long without writing anything. Since the last time I wrote, we've Insanity-ed up and now we're slackin'... But! I lost 23 ugly, nasty pounds! When we started, I set a trifecta of goals to hit: Pre-Baby Weight, Wedding Weight, High School Weight. I hit Pre-Baby Weight in the first month of Insanity! Right now, I'm 5 pounds away from wedding weight. I went from a (tight) size 16 to a size 12. I don't know why we've been slacking as long as we have especially since I'm so close to Wedding Weight. Luckily, I haven't gained any weight back during the laziness. One way or another, I am thrilled! My biggest push is that there are a series of perks in the next few pounds: At 156, I'll have lost 27 pounds! At 155, I'll be at my Wedding Weight! At 154, I'm no longer considered overweight! So frickin' close! Woot!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Pudgy Around the Edges
I can sit still and breathe silently.
I can climb at least four flights of stairs without wanting to die.
I can still shop at regular stores.
But.
I can blitz out a bag of Doritos without thought.
I can justify my bad decisions.
I can gain back all I've lost across three weeks in five days.
It is so unfair that I've wasted my 20s being completely fat. It's so unfair that I didn't get to be one of those people that was just thin without thought. This is the time my metabolism should be working for me but NO. I've just screwed up my body time and again and I'm too damn selfish and lazy to work for it. And keep up with it forever. Suck suck suck.
I can climb at least four flights of stairs without wanting to die.
I can still shop at regular stores.
But.
I can blitz out a bag of Doritos without thought.
I can justify my bad decisions.
I can gain back all I've lost across three weeks in five days.
It is so unfair that I've wasted my 20s being completely fat. It's so unfair that I didn't get to be one of those people that was just thin without thought. This is the time my metabolism should be working for me but NO. I've just screwed up my body time and again and I'm too damn selfish and lazy to work for it. And keep up with it forever. Suck suck suck.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Insanity
Over a dinner at McDonald's, Billy talked me into doing the Insanity workout with him. He didn't try to, I kind of initiated it, but here we are. We're working up to it at the moment and I'm kinda freaking out about it. We've been waking up early and working out for two weeks now. Today we skipped the workout and have been working on pushups. I've done 50 pushups today. That is exactly 50 more pushups than I've done in the last 10 years. ^_^;;
Anyway, we're dabbling in better eating habits as well. So far, though right now my muscles are aching, I haven't been super thrilled with the results. I dropped some weight last week, but it's rebounded this week. I'm going to see this through with Billy, but I have this tickly feeling in the back of my brain that thinks I'm not going to see any difference even after pushing myself more than I have in almost a decade. *sigh* If I do all this, and I'm still hovering around 180 pounds I will be PISSED.
It's not helping that I'm quietly becoming a hypochondriac. Headaches in weird places? Potential aneursym or brain tumor. Strange tingling in my back? MS. Everything else? Flat out terror that I'm pregnant. I am constantly afraid something medical is going to happen to me. It's so not fair that I have this fear.
Anyway, we're dabbling in better eating habits as well. So far, though right now my muscles are aching, I haven't been super thrilled with the results. I dropped some weight last week, but it's rebounded this week. I'm going to see this through with Billy, but I have this tickly feeling in the back of my brain that thinks I'm not going to see any difference even after pushing myself more than I have in almost a decade. *sigh* If I do all this, and I'm still hovering around 180 pounds I will be PISSED.
It's not helping that I'm quietly becoming a hypochondriac. Headaches in weird places? Potential aneursym or brain tumor. Strange tingling in my back? MS. Everything else? Flat out terror that I'm pregnant. I am constantly afraid something medical is going to happen to me. It's so not fair that I have this fear.
Friday, January 14, 2011
>Overwhelmed
I am so not good at this.
Keiren is at that transition point where I was getting super comfortable with what and who she was, and now she's a whole new kid. And I'm not adjusting well.
Don't get me wrong, the new sleeping schedule is FANTASTIC and the self-inflicted drop of most bottles is more than I could've asked for. It's just the flat out responsibility that this is engaging that scares me. She's not a baby anymore. My job is not caring for her every physical need anymore. I don't have to do everything for her anymore. My whole life revolved around feedings, diaper changes, and whatnot for so long, and even though she's been shedding that for so long, in essence she was still a baby. But not anymore. Not at all. All these things are on the way out and strangely, I'm responsible for so much more now. It's not just a "keep the baby alive and make sure she doesn't cry" thing. Now I'm responsible for teaching.
Potty training. Preschool. These are at the forefront now and I'm freaking out. I have no idea how to do this. I can feel myself shutting down again. I have no idea where to start in any of this. But I have to do it. And I have to do it soon.
Keiren is at that transition point where I was getting super comfortable with what and who she was, and now she's a whole new kid. And I'm not adjusting well.
Don't get me wrong, the new sleeping schedule is FANTASTIC and the self-inflicted drop of most bottles is more than I could've asked for. It's just the flat out responsibility that this is engaging that scares me. She's not a baby anymore. My job is not caring for her every physical need anymore. I don't have to do everything for her anymore. My whole life revolved around feedings, diaper changes, and whatnot for so long, and even though she's been shedding that for so long, in essence she was still a baby. But not anymore. Not at all. All these things are on the way out and strangely, I'm responsible for so much more now. It's not just a "keep the baby alive and make sure she doesn't cry" thing. Now I'm responsible for teaching.
Potty training. Preschool. These are at the forefront now and I'm freaking out. I have no idea how to do this. I can feel myself shutting down again. I have no idea where to start in any of this. But I have to do it. And I have to do it soon.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Eleven
2011 seems like some futuristic date that has nothing to do with the life I'm living. But... it's not and it is and time keeps marching on.
I'm having an uberhard time settling on some goals for this year. I feel like things are slipping out my control again. But I don't think they really are. I think I'm just lazy.
My biggest issues are: having to end the nice break from the snowball and jump back into the crazy debt attack. The four months of being more relaxed about our money was glorious! It was the first time we have ever not had to worry about making ends meet. Ends met and there was plenty left over to screw around with. Yes, we probably should've paid more debt and/or invested something somewhere but this was so frickin' nice, I don't regret it for a second. Now here we are: lower paying job, student loans out of grace. Bleh. Which brings me to the next issue: our mouths. *sigh* We have been skipping the dentist pretty much our entire adult lives. We went right before and right after we got married and that was it. We either had no money, no time, or both. But mid-December, Billy broke a tooth, essentially, on a rib. We could avoid the dentist no longer. So far, we've gotten through an intense consultation and a root canal. Thursday will bring two crowns into the picture.
SO. The plan is... to get Billy's mouth in tip-top shape while I start getting regular cleanings. While Billy's mouth is in progress, my teeth repair will be put on hold. Once Billy is done and paid for, I'll start getting fillings and filings and whatever.
Here's the rub: The consultation was $187. The root canal was $2500-ish. The crowns... I don't even know yet. We're putting all of this on.... a credit card. *sigh* Here we go again?? Not if I can help it. Here's the thing. We've paid $187 and a $400 down payment on the work so far. We scraped together some extra funds and that left us with $326 left on the credit card plus a bill still coming from the root canal that will be broken into payments. The debt snowball is being paused and all extra money is being diverted into the dental fund/paying off whatever has already racked up. The problem is I'm not sure if I should put our emergency fund in play since I know everything already surpasses what we have in the EF and there's so much more to come. Plus we're contending with lower pay and student loans. PLUS we have two empty buffer accounts: gifts & travel. PLUS I'm seriously floundering in terms of grocery deals; I'm out of practice and now it's becoming a necessity again. GRRR!!! I really gotta step it up and not fall full force into those bad habits again.
I think I'm trying to do too much at once again thus I freeze and stop doing anything. My list of things to do include: get back into the frugality routine, start preschool with Keiren, get hardcore into potty training, get my sleep in check, get my eating and exercising routine going, get back into the house cleaning routine, all while trying to maintain the other stuff (financials, personal time, etc.) I'm freezing!!!
THIS IS YOUR JOB. YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT!
I'm having an uberhard time settling on some goals for this year. I feel like things are slipping out my control again. But I don't think they really are. I think I'm just lazy.
My biggest issues are: having to end the nice break from the snowball and jump back into the crazy debt attack. The four months of being more relaxed about our money was glorious! It was the first time we have ever not had to worry about making ends meet. Ends met and there was plenty left over to screw around with. Yes, we probably should've paid more debt and/or invested something somewhere but this was so frickin' nice, I don't regret it for a second. Now here we are: lower paying job, student loans out of grace. Bleh. Which brings me to the next issue: our mouths. *sigh* We have been skipping the dentist pretty much our entire adult lives. We went right before and right after we got married and that was it. We either had no money, no time, or both. But mid-December, Billy broke a tooth, essentially, on a rib. We could avoid the dentist no longer. So far, we've gotten through an intense consultation and a root canal. Thursday will bring two crowns into the picture.
SO. The plan is... to get Billy's mouth in tip-top shape while I start getting regular cleanings. While Billy's mouth is in progress, my teeth repair will be put on hold. Once Billy is done and paid for, I'll start getting fillings and filings and whatever.
Here's the rub: The consultation was $187. The root canal was $2500-ish. The crowns... I don't even know yet. We're putting all of this on.... a credit card. *sigh* Here we go again?? Not if I can help it. Here's the thing. We've paid $187 and a $400 down payment on the work so far. We scraped together some extra funds and that left us with $326 left on the credit card plus a bill still coming from the root canal that will be broken into payments. The debt snowball is being paused and all extra money is being diverted into the dental fund/paying off whatever has already racked up. The problem is I'm not sure if I should put our emergency fund in play since I know everything already surpasses what we have in the EF and there's so much more to come. Plus we're contending with lower pay and student loans. PLUS we have two empty buffer accounts: gifts & travel. PLUS I'm seriously floundering in terms of grocery deals; I'm out of practice and now it's becoming a necessity again. GRRR!!! I really gotta step it up and not fall full force into those bad habits again.
I think I'm trying to do too much at once again thus I freeze and stop doing anything. My list of things to do include: get back into the frugality routine, start preschool with Keiren, get hardcore into potty training, get my sleep in check, get my eating and exercising routine going, get back into the house cleaning routine, all while trying to maintain the other stuff (financials, personal time, etc.) I'm freezing!!!
THIS IS YOUR JOB. YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT!
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