RetroPost: 5.23.05

{Saved from Xanga} Well, the weekend went by entirely too fast... It's rather depressing. Oh, well... Either way, short as it was, it was fun. On Saturday, we went and saw Star Wars. Strangely, it struck a chord with me and I can't get it out of my head. Yesterday, we just made horrible lazy slobs of ourselves. The best part, I think, was lounging in bed after we woke up and reading Harry Potter. And then it was over. We have a messy house brought to you by the hurricane that is us... I am highly considering skipping Carson tonight and cleaning my heart out. I'll probably skip it either way since I'm feeling really off today. I woke up at 6 with a splitting headache, most likely spurred by the vivid dream about Chris... I haven't had one of those in damn near a year. It took an exceptionally long time to let everything go. Too long really. But once I did, everything got so much better and I was able to get our life really together. Billy and I have the best relationship! So the dream shocked the hell out of me. Way back when, the dreams made me feel wistful and sad- they messed me up for the whole rest of the day. What finally got my head on straight was thinking about what life would be like if I was still with him. When we were together, I was in high school and pretty naive about what it meant to be on your own. Thinking now about how he acted his first year out of high school, I realize that he was an irresponsible ass. I couldn't even imagine being that immature and I know for a fact there's no way he would've stood for the way I handle finances. Why set aside for vacations when you could be buying a keg every weekend?!? Um, no. So, anyway, after my epiphany, the dreams stopped completely. Even after I accidentally found out he worked at Borders and I kept seeing him over and over. Even after his parents got a loan at the credit union. So last night threw me for a loop and made me feel so dirty. After that, I tossed and turned in bed and waited for 7:15 to roll around. Once it did, my headache was duller but still there. Then, once I got moving, I felt nasueous but couldn't throw up. That feeling hung on for a good long time. I'm still feeling pretty out of it. So, of course, the pregnant thing came up again as it does everytime I feel a little bit off. This time, tho', I wouldn't be surprised. I don't think I could deal with that. Well, I'd have to. But I know if we got pregnant now, we'd be stuck in our Fernley house for a very long time. That, and I would never lose weight. Ever. So, I'm a little freaked. But whatever happens happens. Everything happens for a reason. Life rocks that way. ~Serenidy~