I am totally chagrined at how dependent I have become on my parents. They are our only child care providers. I see them almost every day. My mom is easily my best friend. I suppose that is not really a bad thing. Except...
They're going to Europe for two and a half weeks starting Monday! *internal scream*
Oh. My. God. What are we going to do without them? They're not even gone yet and I'm counting the days until they get back. Ergh. I cannot believe myself. I'm a big girl but I need my mommy. And the Bee adores them.
The only bonus to this is that I'll be helping to keep their business afloat while they're away so I get to make a little cash to help pay down the "payday loan" we borrowed from them during the Great Paycheck Drought.
In other news, I actually pulled my head out of the sand and really (I mean REALLY) looked at our monthly expenses. It wasn't pretty. Honestly, I shocked we've made it this far through the year. As of this moment, we are $1882 behind. This includes $600 for the mortgage, $450 in outstanding commute expenses and $850 from the "payday loan" minus $18 from surveys and a craigslist sale. The $450 in commute expenses suck the most since Billy's employer is comping his commute for 3 months but so far we've only rotated that money into debt. Gah.
Well, there we are. No better. No worse. The only upside to looking at our finances that way was the realization that if we can keep it up, our medical debt will be GONE in no more that 8 months!! Hurrah! Unless of course we get saddled with having to pay the newest $1900 from Bee's RSV incident. I'm applying for financial aid but I don't have too much optimism there - They only look at your income and not your debts or expenses. Yeah, we could afford to pay that bill back- if we had no other debt. Now I just have to turn it in and cross my fingers.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Punch In The Face!
It's been a year of firsts. Not only with Bee and all her cute toddler firsts. No, unfortunately this has been a year of financial "punch in the face" firsts.
First overdraft.
First rejected credit application.
First brush with a collections agency.
And newest to our list:
First letter threatening termination of electric service!!!
Yay us... haha.
Also, today we received the bill for Bee's trip to the ER with RSV in March. Darn near TWO THOUSAND dollars. I've been fighting medical bills from last year so deeply into this year, I didn't even realize that we hadn't even made a tiny dent in 2009's deductible. Frickin' deductible. Health insurance SUCKS! What a joke.
First overdraft.
First rejected credit application.
First brush with a collections agency.
And newest to our list:
First letter threatening termination of electric service!!!
Yay us... haha.
Also, today we received the bill for Bee's trip to the ER with RSV in March. Darn near TWO THOUSAND dollars. I've been fighting medical bills from last year so deeply into this year, I didn't even realize that we hadn't even made a tiny dent in 2009's deductible. Frickin' deductible. Health insurance SUCKS! What a joke.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Hey Your Consumerism is Showing
Confession: I am a bad daughter.
Quickie explanation: My parents raised me to be spiritual, love God and live that way. It stuck. Their religion did not. That's a LONG story. Anyway, from time to time, we go to meeting with them and allow them to take Bee fairly regularly. I am a bad daughter because I think I'm slightly leading them on whenever we go to meeting... It pains me to see them so happy that we're there.
But that is neither here nor there with today's dilemma.
We're going to the convention.
This religion calls for men in suits and women in dresses. No exceptions.
I have decided to attend the convention with them in July for two reasons - 1: I think three full days of spiritual guidance makes up for the rest of the year when we don't go to church and 2: It's a punkass way to have a free mini-vacation. >_< (See? Bad daughter.) Anyway, Bee has outgrown all her infant dress shoes that she wore maybe once or twice. I decided to look at oldnavy.com for ONE pair since I have a $10 gift certificate. Instead, I found three. And a cute dress. Oh and a couple of cute skirts that I would love to have... I felt my whole body and soul yearning desperately to just slap these on the Old Navy credit card... No biggie right? Even now I feel a pull to just buy them. "Oh why not?" says the Plastic Princess in my mind as she sits up and peers out of the cell in the little prison I put her into in January. "You need to look nice... and don't you want to show off your beautiful baby? Don't you???" She sticks the Old Navy card out of the bars and shakes it a little. It sparkles. "It's just a little... $60...ish? With what? $7 shipping? What's the big deal, hmmmmm?"
It's terrible. I still want to go "Yes! Give me the credit card! I'm buying this stuff! Hurray!" But I'm not going to. I'm going to keep it together. We have time to figure out how to get dress shoes without using the credit card.
Quickie explanation: My parents raised me to be spiritual, love God and live that way. It stuck. Their religion did not. That's a LONG story. Anyway, from time to time, we go to meeting with them and allow them to take Bee fairly regularly. I am a bad daughter because I think I'm slightly leading them on whenever we go to meeting... It pains me to see them so happy that we're there.
But that is neither here nor there with today's dilemma.
We're going to the convention.
This religion calls for men in suits and women in dresses. No exceptions.
I have decided to attend the convention with them in July for two reasons - 1: I think three full days of spiritual guidance makes up for the rest of the year when we don't go to church and 2: It's a punkass way to have a free mini-vacation. >_< (See? Bad daughter.) Anyway, Bee has outgrown all her infant dress shoes that she wore maybe once or twice. I decided to look at oldnavy.com for ONE pair since I have a $10 gift certificate. Instead, I found three. And a cute dress. Oh and a couple of cute skirts that I would love to have... I felt my whole body and soul yearning desperately to just slap these on the Old Navy credit card... No biggie right? Even now I feel a pull to just buy them. "Oh why not?" says the Plastic Princess in my mind as she sits up and peers out of the cell in the little prison I put her into in January. "You need to look nice... and don't you want to show off your beautiful baby? Don't you???" She sticks the Old Navy card out of the bars and shakes it a little. It sparkles. "It's just a little... $60...ish? With what? $7 shipping? What's the big deal, hmmmmm?"
It's terrible. I still want to go "Yes! Give me the credit card! I'm buying this stuff! Hurray!" But I'm not going to. I'm going to keep it together. We have time to figure out how to get dress shoes without using the credit card.
SAHM do, SAHM don't
We're coming to a point where the idea of going back to work is buzzing around the edges of my mind. I know I've been hopelessly blessed to have been home with Bee this last year and I would desperately like to stay right where I am. Nearly every working mom I've ever met really just wants to be home with their babies. (All but one!) But... money.
Ultimately, we're only falling behind on medical bills at the moment but every time I check the mail, it feels like they're leaping out at me to eat my soul.
We're not behind on our mortgage. Or utilities.
I have no idea where we're going to come up with the $440 we're short to pay our health insurance premium that comes due July 4.
Pretty much... I can't contstitute going back to work. Yet. But one more medical bill or small(ish) emergency is going to set us over the edge. So thus, the returning to work idea is just a buzzing in the brain and not yet an all consuming thought.
I think I might be throwing ALL my goals out the window pretty quickly here... I think I'm going to put all my efforts into saying "Buh-bye!" to our medical debt.
Every financial adviser in the world would let out a collective scream at that idea - the credit card debt is collecting about $250 in interest every month and the medical debt is interest free. Why in the world would I try to pay it off first???
Because:
Ultimately, we're only falling behind on medical bills at the moment but every time I check the mail, it feels like they're leaping out at me to eat my soul.
We're not behind on our mortgage. Or utilities.
I have no idea where we're going to come up with the $440 we're short to pay our health insurance premium that comes due July 4.
Pretty much... I can't contstitute going back to work. Yet. But one more medical bill or small(ish) emergency is going to set us over the edge. So thus, the returning to work idea is just a buzzing in the brain and not yet an all consuming thought.
I think I might be throwing ALL my goals out the window pretty quickly here... I think I'm going to put all my efforts into saying "Buh-bye!" to our medical debt.
Every financial adviser in the world would let out a collective scream at that idea - the credit card debt is collecting about $250 in interest every month and the medical debt is interest free. Why in the world would I try to pay it off first???
Because:
- I'm fairly emotionally detached from the credit card debt. Yeah we hate the stupid couches we bought for WAY too much money and we definitely should've shopped around before sinking $5000 into a water filtration system. BUT we use the couches and the water everyday. We had fun on vacation. Eating out made us happy.
- On the other hand, every medical bill is a bad memory. I hate being reminded of the horrors of the hospital that we've had to face. I hate that I had to fight on a daily basis for the first 9 months of my daughter's life to get the stupid insurance to pay even a fraction of those bills. When I pay for her birth, I'm reminded that I'm paying so much because my body almost killed my baby and it cost an awful lot to keep her alive. When I pay for her stay in the nursery, I'm reminded that I couldn't take care of her at first, I was too weak. I should be able to detach myself from it like I did the credit card debt but I'm still reeling from it. Post traumatic stress is a bitch.
I don't know what to do. Financially and emotionally torn... What a mess.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Being a Good In-Law... I Ask Myself "WHY?"
After 7 years with Billy, I've come to this conclusion - My in-laws aren't bad but they're insane. They are just drama drama drama. All the time. Without fail. Drama. Hubby is #4 of 5 and the 5th is 17 years younger than him so basically he's the baby of the first four and his little sister is being raised pretty much like an only child. Anyway, did I mention he's the only boy? Four sisters equals DRAMA.
What does this have to do with our money, you ask? A lot, unfortunately. Sister 2 of 5 is the craziest of them all. She's pregnant with #6. Oh good God. She's totally irresponsible. She and her loser husband don't work and just live off the state. They feel like they're entitled to everything. They live 13 hours away (Thank you Lord!!!) but they used to live in the same town as us. And it was always DRAMA. There was a good chunk of time where Billy felt like he HAD to help her out. Because she's family... Long story short, we easily threw a good $2500 at them to "help them get on their feet". This included: buying groceries/clothes/diapers/medications/housewares, helping with bills, giving rides, bailing them out of jail... the list goes on. Finally, when we just couldn't take it anymore, we spent $500 to plop them all on a plane to live near mom-in-law so they would just GO AWAY!!!
The other two... they've made bad decisions in life as well but they haven't been such financial and emotional drains.
But none of this is the point. Right now, here it is - June. I'm already 6 months deep into sending each and every family member a birthday gift. WHY?!? I don't know. I really don't. In January, it felt like a great idea. The right thing to do. Never again.
A few days ago, 2 of 5 called bitching about mom-in-law... "She never does anything for me and she's SUPPOSED to cuz she my mom blah blah blah.......... She didn't do anything fancy fancy for my boys' birthdays WAH WAH WAH" Oh for Pete's sake. And that's when it dawned on me. Hey! My Baby Bee's birthday was last week. Did any of them send her a gift? A card? A quickie phone call? NO. Not even Grandma. Have they ever sent ME anything for my birthday? NO. Heck, have they even sent anything to Billy, their own flesh and blood? NO!!! So why, pray tell, do I feel this ridiculous need to gift them and their spawn (all 17 of them)? No clue. Gah.
Well, I've come this far. Only 7 left. Over half done. But NEVER again. Especially since I haven't received so much as ONE thank you. Not ONE.
*rant over ^_^*
What does this have to do with our money, you ask? A lot, unfortunately. Sister 2 of 5 is the craziest of them all. She's pregnant with #6. Oh good God. She's totally irresponsible. She and her loser husband don't work and just live off the state. They feel like they're entitled to everything. They live 13 hours away (Thank you Lord!!!) but they used to live in the same town as us. And it was always DRAMA. There was a good chunk of time where Billy felt like he HAD to help her out. Because she's family... Long story short, we easily threw a good $2500 at them to "help them get on their feet". This included: buying groceries/clothes/diapers/medications/housewares, helping with bills, giving rides, bailing them out of jail... the list goes on. Finally, when we just couldn't take it anymore, we spent $500 to plop them all on a plane to live near mom-in-law so they would just GO AWAY!!!
The other two... they've made bad decisions in life as well but they haven't been such financial and emotional drains.
But none of this is the point. Right now, here it is - June. I'm already 6 months deep into sending each and every family member a birthday gift. WHY?!? I don't know. I really don't. In January, it felt like a great idea. The right thing to do. Never again.
A few days ago, 2 of 5 called bitching about mom-in-law... "She never does anything for me and she's SUPPOSED to cuz she my mom blah blah blah.......... She didn't do anything fancy fancy for my boys' birthdays WAH WAH WAH" Oh for Pete's sake. And that's when it dawned on me. Hey! My Baby Bee's birthday was last week. Did any of them send her a gift? A card? A quickie phone call? NO. Not even Grandma. Have they ever sent ME anything for my birthday? NO. Heck, have they even sent anything to Billy, their own flesh and blood? NO!!! So why, pray tell, do I feel this ridiculous need to gift them and their spawn (all 17 of them)? No clue. Gah.
Well, I've come this far. Only 7 left. Over half done. But NEVER again. Especially since I haven't received so much as ONE thank you. Not ONE.
*rant over ^_^*
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Happy Birthday Baby Bee!
Well, it's slipped past midnight now officially making it my Baby Bee's first birthday!!! This time last year, I was awake and excited and scared and blissfully unaware of the tumultuous day of emergencies that would bring my Bee into the world...
We're holding off on celebrating until this weekend but I think that's more appropriate anyway. The day she was born was by no means the happiest day of our lives. Any day that my child and I almost die cannot be considered happy. Blessed. We'll say it was the most blessed day of our lives- we came out OK on the other side and for the second year in a row, God let me keep on living even though there was doubt.
I often forget how blessed and lucky I am to be alive and to have a healthy and beautiful daughter. So many aspects of our life right now can overshadow how good we really have it.
If none of the emergencies in the last couple of years had happened, we wouldn't be in debt, it's true. But if that's what it took to get my Bee into my arms, $25000 is a small price to pay.
I love you Baby Bee. Thank you for letting me be your mommy. Happy birthday.
We're holding off on celebrating until this weekend but I think that's more appropriate anyway. The day she was born was by no means the happiest day of our lives. Any day that my child and I almost die cannot be considered happy. Blessed. We'll say it was the most blessed day of our lives- we came out OK on the other side and for the second year in a row, God let me keep on living even though there was doubt.
I often forget how blessed and lucky I am to be alive and to have a healthy and beautiful daughter. So many aspects of our life right now can overshadow how good we really have it.
If none of the emergencies in the last couple of years had happened, we wouldn't be in debt, it's true. But if that's what it took to get my Bee into my arms, $25000 is a small price to pay.
I love you Baby Bee. Thank you for letting me be your mommy. Happy birthday.
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