Reality Check

I think I've been fooling myself into thinking that we're going to be OK. I just got a big reality check when I finally looked at the big picture of our monthly expenses. I keep saying, "Oh... we'll back track and make sure this will get paid or that will get paid..." but it's not happening. We're nearly two months behind on putting aside money for health insurance. That's $520. Where the hell is that money going to come from? We're not behind... yet. But I just don't see us magically coming up with that money. We're coming up short across the board. And the real irony is that it's all because of medical bills. When we frickin' had insurance all that time and paid through the eyeballs for it. And for what? Nothing. At least when we didn't have insurance there was only one giant medical emergency... >_< And most of it got written off by the hospital. Of course, not all of it and those bills are sitting on a credit card. Why oh why didn't we set it up on payment plans? Why??? If Billy's new job doesn't rock paycheck wise, we're up the creek without a paddle. Hell, I don't think we even have a boat. We convinced ourselves that we had a boat but it was just paper. And now it's gone. I am seriously freaking out. I honestly don't feel like any of our goals are attainable in the slightest. I'm looking around our living room and there's all this STUFF. Stuff we couldn't afford and bought anyway. And now we're paying for it tenfold. Financially and psychologically. What a waste. I can't even be happy with what we have because we shouldn't have it!!! We have dug a hole so deep I can't see the light at the top. I don't know what to do. I haven't been honest with myself at all.