Wild Ride

The old cliche about emotional rollercoasters and whatever is far too tame for our life right now. It's been more like that one ride that shoots you up in the air then drops you just as quickly. Ya know, the one where you defy gravity and float a little off your seat while you look at the amazing view (WHEEEE!!!) and then get dropped and your stomach is in your throat and you feel like you're going to throw up (AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!)? Yeah, that's us.
So Billy's PROMISED bonus/commission plopped a nice little windfall on us that has helped us tremendously!!! We've been able to pay my parents back, will have all the medical debt paid off by Monday, and buy a few things we've put on the back burner (like pillows... ours were literally falling apart). (WHEEEE!!!) Unfortunately, the evil corporate people were playing games to try to avoid paying anything that was promised (in writing!!!) and once they got caught in a loop, they couldn't get out of paying the money he was entitled to. Now though, they're still acting like spoiled children and... long story short, we're not sure how long Billy will actually have a job there. (AAAAHHHHHHH!!!) Crap crap crap. We're so not ready for something like that. Crap.
The cash only budget is NOT working. Cash and I have never gotten along very well and I don't see why I thought that would change. Something else is going to have to be worked out there. Like a seperate account. *sigh* It doesn't help that this is coming in line with coupon burnout. It had to happen eventually. It's happening now. At the worst possible time.
I'm feeling really down about a great many things... lack of friends, lack of drive, feeling mediocre in everything I do especially as wife and mother. I get dangerously irritated with Billy and Bee on a regular basis these days. Even with paying off all the medical debt, I still feel like there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel... Or if there is, it will just be a train.