RetroPost: 5.3.05

{Saved from Xanga} Well, I most definitely spoke too soon and now I'm paying for it in spades. Yesterday on the way back from Carson, I was in a Class A Bad Mood. I don't know why. I couldn't bring myself to watch Billy's class so I had driven over to the stores and wandered aimlessly. By the time I got back I was just tired and grumpy. Then I went in for the last 20 minutes or so and watched them practice kicking. As we were about to leave, Master Chi was asking, no TELLING, Billy to come to this tournament in Milpitas. Billy got all excited but then we found out Milpitas is down by San Jose and there is just no way. I was just so pissed that he would just assume we would hop on over there... So then Billy told him we would have to see because money is tight and we're going on vacation. To which he says, "Oh this boy is rich! Vacation!" Ummm, no? We are so far from rich! We barely popped our heads over poverty level last year by $2000 dollars! We work our asses off to stay on the lower middle class line! I just happen to be good with money management and if I'm not working for an escape, it's just not worth it. I was taught how to fit a vacation in no matter what. There hasn't been one year of my life that I haven't been on vacation. Spending time with my family, having magical moments with my husband... that ranks number one on my priority list before all else. Not the mortgage, not the gas bill, not car repairs. Those will get paid and they're a part of life, but they are not my life. So we leave and I'm raging. Then I finally snap. Too much has happened and I just couldn't take it anymore and I start trying to pick a fight with Billy. Fighting and driving don't go together... I get pulled over. Huge ticket. I FREAKED out. I mean, really REALLY FREAKED. At the cop. It was bad. So now Billy is still pissed at me when we should be perfectly fine. God, what is my problem? I hate my spazzes. It reminds me of my mom when I was growing up and I don't want to be like that. I was doing so well for so long, too. I am ashamed of myself. Well, in other news, I figured out why this year has been so frickin' hard. In one of my first posts of the year, I asked God to give us strength. He's answering my prayer. By the bucket full. It's not what I had in mind but thank you. And I'm sorry for my brief lapse in stupidity. Now to get on with the day and make amends with my husband. ~Jill~