RetroPost: A girl of her words.

{Saved from MySpace}

where is the line between loser and freak? all of us are losers. we rpg, we play yu-gi-oh, we cosplay, we have anime names. we (ok, i) worry about zombies and think seriously on how to defeat them. we do many things- many things that make us very cool losers. but at what point do we become freaks?

i ask this question because at this moment, i'm making good on the vow to never go to chuck's again. i don't know how long i will hold to that vow but after last time, with all the freaks, i found the idea of stepping in to the shop, regardless of the reason, nauseating. so here i stand blogging instead. (loser? yes.) i vaguely feel sad cuz i don't get to hang out with my fellow cool losers but... the freaks. most of the people there are probably just other forms of cool losers but... the freaks. can't deal with the freaks.

so. if you know the answer let me know because there will be that day where i'll be like... doo doo doot doo doo... i'm such a cool loser doin' my thing gonna do this cool losery thing and then BAM i'll have done some sort of freak thing and then there's no going back.

RetroPost: Somewhere in a box is the life I thought I'd lead.

{Saved from MySpace}

I have a peanut butter laced spoon hanging from my mouth and it reminds me of days gone by. If I close my eyes and concentrate only on the joy that is peanut butter the year that I've left behind me is almost tangible. When I open them again I'm still here in this room. I hate this room. I vow to never enter this room again once I've left it for good.

Waking up here makes going to work so much worse. Ah, work. I think I shall have to write something about my coworkers one day. Fallon being what it is and MySpace being what it is, I shy from the idea but the cast of characters that fills my day to day are just begging really to be splashed and splattered here for what they really are. Either way- I. HATE. My. Boss.

Meh. Soon enough my friends, I will get to unpack my life. Our life. Most likely a shadow person is peeking over my shoulder reading this so I'm not going to talk about our new life. I know you're there! Damn you! ^_^

OK I'm done.

RetroPost: The end to the week and all humanity.

{Saved from MySpace}

Somewhere deep inside me I had locked up the fact that being a teller really is the most boring job on earth.

It truly is mind-numbingly boring. No really. I actually leave working thinking, "Why does my skull feel so odd? Oh yeah, my mind is completely numb."

Do you think it's bad that throughout the day I actually find myself hoping to get robbed? Just to shake things up a little.

Bleh is my working life. Bleh.

RetroPost: 5.13.07

{Saved from Xanga} It takes a lot for me to run to the secret blog and right now my feelings are so mishmashed I didn't know where else to voice the insanity. Aubree is pregnant. How ridiculous is that? I still have the nail polish on my toes from her wedding. I just got around to washing my bridesmaid dress and she's pregnant. It makes me feel gross inside. I really haven't agreed with their relationship from the start. It seems far too sickening that Andy has this disgusting habit of marrying on the fly and getting his new brides pregnant instantly. She isn't part of the rivalry thank God. The Rivalry is between Missy and Noah and us. I still pray to God often (selfishly I suppose) that they don't have a baby until after we do. Also lumped in that prayer is that our child is normal, healthy and physical problem free. (Please please please dear God) Above all things including this silly Rivalry that is my biggest worry. I also feel woogy about the Aubree and Andy thing because according to her it happened their wedding night. Two weeks ago. If I were her I don't think I could spread the word about the impending lil Dixon until I knew my pregnancy was out of the woods seeing as how horrible her track record is health wise. So here I am. Jealous. Freaked. Confused. Upset. Happy. And downright scared for them, their marriage, and her health. And the health of the baby. I barely know them. So I'm torn between not caring a bit and feeling so empty for her since whatever happens, she's totally alone. ;_; God. Watch over all of us in whatever comes our way

RetroPost: For all intents and purposes...

{Saved from MySpace}

I am a Zombie Hunter.

I have the official handbook. I know what others do not know. My knowledge could save you all.

I have the official uniform. As of this moment, all will know I am a Zombie Hunter and will turn to me as their leader when they are in their time of need.

Unfortunately you will all die.

I can't protect you or myself. The zombies will come at you and I won't be able to get them away. They will bite me and your treasure trove of knowledge will be gone.

If you are all worried... blame Victor for your demise.

He is the death of us all.

RetroPost: Panic Panic Panic

{Saved from MySpace}

Errrr my goosh...

Today we actually went out to the empty lot of dust and weeds and talked to our contractor.

Last time I checked people 'round my age don't talk to contractors. For any reason. Especially not when they're about to build your new house. Especially especially when that people 'round my age doesn't currently have a job.

We're setting things into motion on the assumption that I'll have a job by May at the latest but... well, I'm sure a I can get a job by then but it just feels like no one wants me!!! ;_;

Anyway, I'm excited and tremendously panicked. *sigh*

Life is going to start again.

RetroPost: 2.9.07

{Saved from Xanga} How can everything be looking up and then crash out all around me? I feel incredibly naive for even thinking for one second that things would work out perfectly. I thought I expected nothing. I find that I truly was holding my breath. I suppose it was also very naive of both of us to go on these "new life, new jobs" shopping sprees of ours when we really didn't have any true income coming in. What is that called? Putting all your eggs in one basket? No, no. It's called counting your chickens before they hatch. Actually, it's kind of both. I feel like I'm either going to throw up or scream. Or both. So now Billy's all set (wardrobe wise anyway) for this cushy office job that could help our life out of purgatory. I was all hyped to clean the closet today but seeing all those dress shirts and brand new slacks hanging neatly in an expectant row... it kinda killed the mood. What are we going to do? We already threw caution to the wind in hopes of a brand new life. Several times. We dropped everything and stupidly stumbled our way into my parents' master bedroom aka "our apartment". If I never see these four walls again, I will sing praises for whatever got us out of this prison. Ah, it's not as bad as all that only it is NOT a home. We dropped everything AGAIN- quit our jobs and traveled the country. Cool? Yes, very. But now here we are in this ROOM! AGAIN! With no reprieve in sight! I can't even imagine what life could be outside of this vicious circle. Now we're in a town that's eating us alive. We're fighting badly again from time to time. Not all the time but I just can't be happy. I don't even think I know what happy is anymore. There's no job market. The housing market is still staring at us blankly wondering why we're not plunking down our $30K and drowning in a mortgage we can't afford for a house that really isn't all that great. Knowing that we'd be paying more than my parents' do for their nice, custom built home and getting not even a fraction of the niceities is nauseating. It seems I'm waiting for an answer to fall from the sky. God~ we really could use some guidance here! Are we meant to make a life in Fallon? Cuz it doesn't look like that's what meant for us. If we're supposed to be us somewhere else.. WHERE?!? Humbled~ Ren