RetroPost: 4.6.06

{Saved from Xanga} Most of my days are spent on the verge of total panic. We sold the house and so we officially have nowhere to go of our own. We’re trying to sell the car- then we’ll have nothing to our names… It feels like every decision we make is wrong. We wanted to get a new car from this century with less than 100,000 miles on it. While a Blazer seems practical for us… it just seems like we’re going backwards. Plus the disagreement between my parents and us about not being able to go get it over the weekend really threw me off. Our friends come first. Stefanie needs help moving and we already told her we’d be there for her. Billy has a good feeling about this car. I want to trust him so badly on this. I also don’t want to have to buy another vehicle any time soon because we made a bad decision. Again. We have our hearts set on building our dream home. But what if we can’t get it? The builder hasn’t gotten back to us on the cost and I do NOT feel confident in getting the mortgage. I ache for our own space. I’m actually pretty proud of myself for not flipping out. Missy and Noah got an apartment. Stefanie bought a house. Deep inside I have the inklings of jealousy but I know I won’t get very far with those feelings. Nurturing my green streak of jealousy will only make our situation that much more miserable. I never thought we’d be living at my parents’ house as long as we have. Even at that, I am willing to stay there longer if it means we can get our dream house. I can see it in my head. If there is any way, dear God, help us. I feel like we're drowning.