RetroPost: 11.14.05

{Saved from Xanga} Life is so... I don't know what life is right now other than nutters. It's wonderful and horrible and mundane and exciting all at the same time and it's really screwing with my head. Random thoughts are going to shoot out in this post so proceed with caution... (This is known as "the carousel curse") Sooo, I've been thinking about a certain Chinese zodiac horoscope that I read a long time ago and I don't even know what restaurant that haunting placemat was even from. It said that I, as a Rat, have a problem keeping friends. I was indignant at the time but I'm starting to think that echo from the past rings true. Not just now but for my entire lifetime of friendships- Roxanne, Lizzie, Megan, Missy. My best friends. All of whom, at the moment, I'm estranged with. There is so much pain revolving around the fact that I can't keep a best friend for the life of me. I'm so ripped apart by the fact that Missy and I have grown apart like this. I want to reconcile and say screw it all at the same time and that's proving to cause more turmoil than it's worth. ICK. That's the black horse on my carousel. This horse has actually stopped going up and down and is stuck. My job is the navy blue, practically black, horse on my carousel. The more I go, the more I hate it. Like I've said before, I like my job. I hate my workplace. I hate the silence and boredom that has been bestowed upon us. I hate the condescending attitude everyone over 30 has toward Amy and me. I'm severely annoyed that they didn't pay us today supposedly because of Veterans' Day. That's a load of bull. I'm severely annoyed that instead of giving me my ten hours of leave last pay period, they gave me leave without pay. Yeah, I went over my leave hours. At least give me what I have due! I'm severely annoyed that they haven't told me what's up with the five days I'm supposed to get by law. I'm ready to get out of there. They pay me badly, as well. They might as well say, "Hey, come to work and we'll pay your house payment and buy ya a couple of gallons of milk." Argh. Billy's sense of wanderlust and general fidgetiness is the grey horse. I understand wanting to get out of here. Now that we're here... we don't want to be. I'll be the first to admit not commuting is kick ass but Fallon isn't as tantalizing as it was when we were in Fernley. I understand wanting to move away, far far away. It just scares me. I'm undecided on that matter. Thus it is my grey horse. We went up to Elko and checked out the real estate up there. Not bad. I don't really want to live in Elko either. If there's one thing it did show us, tho', it's that we need to just get out and be us and have fun. Leave for a weekend and have a blast. Take a drive. Galumph in the mountains. Go shopping for something frivilous. We're getting so old. We think our only options are to sit around a house that isn't even ours and watch a movie. That's fun sometimes. Not all the time. I shudder to think of all the times we've sat inside on a beautiful day and watched movies because we could afford that kind of entertainment and we wanted to hide. How stupid! We decided to go see Stefanie on our three day weekend at the very last minute. And in the day between our split second decision and the day we left, I looked forward to it so much. In another week, we'll be heading down to Cali for Thanksgiving with Billy's mom. And I'm head over heels with excitement!!! And we can do this whenever we damn well please!!! What the hell has been stopping us??? I have no idea. This realization is my pretty rainbow horse. That's my life right now. For the most part. Yeah. ^_^ SeReNiDy