The daffodils have come and gone and everything's coming up tulips... The tiny strip of garden between the house and the walkway to the front door consistently makes me smile. But that's about it in this season of life.
I've bucked up my attitude this month for the sake of my family- I've only been embarrassingly cross with Bee once to my recollection and Billy and I haven't had an emotional brawl for a good three weeks. Or longer. But three weeks for sure. It's better for all of us when we don't get crazy about the little things. We do it because life as it is right now can't be fixed so we choose to try to control the little things. But breathing and dealing with good enough gets us through.
Strange things make me feel calmer. It's the end of the month. Four days until payday. That means if Billy loses his job we can make it through two months. If he lost his job midmonth or directly after payday, we wouldn't be in as good of a position. The comfort level is much higher at this point of the month. Then the paycheck comes and I get the high of giving the debt spreadsheet a one-two punch. Then it's over and we freefall through the month- compiling deals and coupons, snowflaking to the debt, getting antsy as we reach the point of no return, then starting all over again.
Billy being gone all the time makes it harder. The current trip has been worse than usual for some reason. I've been trying to come up with ideas to make it easier on him but I can't figure out how to make it easier on me. Or Bee. The house is in total disarray cuz I have no drive when he's gone and I don't want to touch chores when he's here. I rather just spend time with him.
A couple nights ago, the first night of the most recent trip, I went to my parents' house and played with Bee in the backyard. It was twilight, my favorite time of day, and it was warm with a slight breeze. I blew bubbles for her, which delighted her. Then we traipsed across the backyard, kicked a soccer ball around and played catch, both at almost-two-year-old speed. I marveled at her natural athletic ability and thought about how she will feel about that backyard as an older little girl, knowing that her mom and dad got married in the same yard. It's wonderful and it all feels so right... but it all seemed so wrong. There was a sadness over the whole thing that just ached. We're so incomplete.
I can't believe how painful it is to pay for our mistakes. Literally and figuratively. We have to pay in disgusting amounts of money and disgusting amounts of time apart.
Oh Lord help us.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
So NOT Working
March has been... retarded. We coasted through it but it sucked. Bad.
Billy's job is hellacious. He's gone. ALL. THE. TIME. And when he is home, he's in a bad mood or doing homework. Or doing his homework while in a bad mood. 10 weeks left of school before he graduates. Gah. I've slid off the wagon. (The weight didn't come back though thank God.) April starts tomorrow and I'm just going to have to put myself back together again. We made one goal this quarter. Of course, we knocked out a goal for next quarter too... OK technically we made two goals; I did start my health goals, I just didn't stick with them through March. Crap. Billy being gone so much puts us all in foul moods. At least we've kept up with debt repayment! We're ending March at $15356 in total credit card debt! A full $8760 less than we started the year with. It's scary though cuz this job is SO NOT WORKING. I am so worried that we'll end up without income one way or another. If Billy lost his job today... we'd be good until the end of May. Approximately. And that's if we wiped the EF and the vacation fund AND stripped our bills to necessity only mode.
Billy's job is hellacious. He's gone. ALL. THE. TIME. And when he is home, he's in a bad mood or doing homework. Or doing his homework while in a bad mood. 10 weeks left of school before he graduates. Gah. I've slid off the wagon. (The weight didn't come back though thank God.) April starts tomorrow and I'm just going to have to put myself back together again. We made one goal this quarter. Of course, we knocked out a goal for next quarter too... OK technically we made two goals; I did start my health goals, I just didn't stick with them through March. Crap. Billy being gone so much puts us all in foul moods. At least we've kept up with debt repayment! We're ending March at $15356 in total credit card debt! A full $8760 less than we started the year with. It's scary though cuz this job is SO NOT WORKING. I am so worried that we'll end up without income one way or another. If Billy lost his job today... we'd be good until the end of May. Approximately. And that's if we wiped the EF and the vacation fund AND stripped our bills to necessity only mode.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
February Progress Report
Whoa. Is it really March already? Ugh, Billy's new job left us living the "single mom" life for the majority of February. But! It kept our gas expenses at $20. Just $20! It's crazy! After spending $350 a month on gas when he was commuting, I was shocked to see that tally. Unbelievable. I had $100 set aside! Woot! We are planning a big shopping trip soon so that'll take a lil' but still. Anyway, here's the results of February:
By March 31 I want to:
Be under $20K in credit card debt ~ Achieved! Boo-yah!
With a big fat tax refund, a higher salary, and a bonus we knocked this one and the next one out like nothing! We paid off two credit cards- Kinetico, which was the water filtration system, and Target which was what we lived off of after Bee was born. And Capital One is almost paid off. Squee! Granted it's painful to see all that money go to debt. Yuck! Nevertheless, it is a huge incentive to NEVER EVER EVER be in this situation ever again. We are paying for it in spades.
Implement the chore chart ~ Needs improvement... >_<
I honestly don't know if this will be achieved by the end of this month. I think since we already achieved a goal for next quarter I might kick this one down into second quarter goals. I did look at the chore chart... so I guess that's something.
Start health goals ~ Adequate progress
Yup, so far I've implemented: brushing twice a day (achieved), flossing regularly (just started), eating at regular intervals (adequate progress- only a few crazed binges), lotion on my feet (doing well), taking a vitamin daily (needs improvement)
By June 30 I want to:
Be under $17K in credit card debt ~ Achieved!
See above. ^_^
Implement a freezer cooking day ~ Not yet introduced
Be at or under my pre-pregnancy weight ~ Adequate progress
Starting health goals has led to a little headway with this one- getting my eating under control has led to approximately six pounds lost. Starting next week, the goal is to exercise three days a week... *sigh* the hard part... But my body and soul have been horribly neglected over the last 7.5 years... I'm baby stepping to self love yet again. ^_^
By March 31 I want to:
Be under $20K in credit card debt ~ Achieved! Boo-yah!
With a big fat tax refund, a higher salary, and a bonus we knocked this one and the next one out like nothing! We paid off two credit cards- Kinetico, which was the water filtration system, and Target which was what we lived off of after Bee was born. And Capital One is almost paid off. Squee! Granted it's painful to see all that money go to debt. Yuck! Nevertheless, it is a huge incentive to NEVER EVER EVER be in this situation ever again. We are paying for it in spades.
Implement the chore chart ~ Needs improvement... >_<
I honestly don't know if this will be achieved by the end of this month. I think since we already achieved a goal for next quarter I might kick this one down into second quarter goals. I did look at the chore chart... so I guess that's something.
Start health goals ~ Adequate progress
Yup, so far I've implemented: brushing twice a day (achieved), flossing regularly (just started), eating at regular intervals (adequate progress- only a few crazed binges), lotion on my feet (doing well), taking a vitamin daily (needs improvement)
By June 30 I want to:
Be under $17K in credit card debt ~ Achieved!
See above. ^_^
Implement a freezer cooking day ~ Not yet introduced
Be at or under my pre-pregnancy weight ~ Adequate progress
Starting health goals has led to a little headway with this one- getting my eating under control has led to approximately six pounds lost. Starting next week, the goal is to exercise three days a week... *sigh* the hard part... But my body and soul have been horribly neglected over the last 7.5 years... I'm baby stepping to self love yet again. ^_^
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
January Progress Report
Geez time has flown by so far this year! Here's what we acccomplished in January:
By March 31 I want to:
Be under $20K in credit card debt ~ Adequate progress
Billy was forced to get a new job, finally. His old job situation was deteriorating by the day so when an opportunity presented itself, we took it, even though it isn't ideal by any stretch of the imagination. He was on business trips for almost three full weeks in January and it will be the same story as February and March progress. Blah. Anyway, due to this we had a large-ish "signing bonus" coming our way for February plus a decent sized vacation time pay out from his old job. Also, with Billy being gone so much, I was at my parents and grandparents' houses a lot thus home expenses were kept to a minimum. All in all, we were able to throw a lot at debt in January. With the bonus plus a fat tax refund, we'll easily be under $20k in debt if not around $17k which is the next goal. Definitely mixed blessings here.
Implement the chore chart ~ Needs improvement
Well, the house was kept relatively tidy but no real headway on organization was made.
Start health goals ~ Needs improvement
With everything that went down in January job-wise and school-wise, I'm amazed I didn't gain a bunch of weight. Oh and Bee is not sleeping well AT ALL and that makes things harder too. I did, though, actually set goals to be accomplished through February which are: brush teeth every night (I often just fall into bed out of exhaustion), take a vitamin every day, work on Bee's schedule, work on eating at regular intervals. The first two are going well, the last two... not so much. *sigh*
In other news, my Saints won the frickin' Super Bowl! Boo-yah!!! WHO DAT?!
Every year we lose a few friends... it's getting depressing and making me feel even more isolated.
By March 31 I want to:
Be under $20K in credit card debt ~ Adequate progress
Billy was forced to get a new job, finally. His old job situation was deteriorating by the day so when an opportunity presented itself, we took it, even though it isn't ideal by any stretch of the imagination. He was on business trips for almost three full weeks in January and it will be the same story as February and March progress. Blah. Anyway, due to this we had a large-ish "signing bonus" coming our way for February plus a decent sized vacation time pay out from his old job. Also, with Billy being gone so much, I was at my parents and grandparents' houses a lot thus home expenses were kept to a minimum. All in all, we were able to throw a lot at debt in January. With the bonus plus a fat tax refund, we'll easily be under $20k in debt if not around $17k which is the next goal. Definitely mixed blessings here.
Implement the chore chart ~ Needs improvement
Well, the house was kept relatively tidy but no real headway on organization was made.
Start health goals ~ Needs improvement
With everything that went down in January job-wise and school-wise, I'm amazed I didn't gain a bunch of weight. Oh and Bee is not sleeping well AT ALL and that makes things harder too. I did, though, actually set goals to be accomplished through February which are: brush teeth every night (I often just fall into bed out of exhaustion), take a vitamin every day, work on Bee's schedule, work on eating at regular intervals. The first two are going well, the last two... not so much. *sigh*
In other news, my Saints won the frickin' Super Bowl! Boo-yah!!! WHO DAT?!
Every year we lose a few friends... it's getting depressing and making me feel even more isolated.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
New 2010 Goals!
I'm more of a "two thousand ten" person that a "twenty ten" person myself. ^_^ Anyway the new goals:
2010 First Quarter Goals:
By March 31 I want to:
Be under $20K in credit card debt
Implement the chore chart
Start health goals
2010 Second Quarter Goals:
By June 30 I want to:
Be under $17K in credit card debt
Implement a freezer cooking day
Be at or under my pre-pregnancy weight
2010 First Quarter Goals:
By March 31 I want to:
Be under $20K in credit card debt
Implement the chore chart
Start health goals
2010 Second Quarter Goals:
By June 30 I want to:
Be under $17K in credit card debt
Implement a freezer cooking day
Be at or under my pre-pregnancy weight
The 2009 Report Card
Setting quarterly goals has proven to be excellent for me. The quarterly goals I set up way back when were:
By December 31 I want to:
Have the house in complete working order aka "be fully moved in" GRADE: B-
We got all the rooms cleaned (even the master bedroom which was our dumping grounds for the last year or so). Not everything is organized, tho', and the garage is still in need of help. Billy just got a new job and we have to create a home office so that will initiate the garage project.
Have Bee's birth completely paid off GRADE: A
Will Billy's bonus, this was finally paid off, right before she turned 18 months which was my original goal! WOOT!
Establish a working grocery budget GRADE: B+
I've started to get the hang of the envelope system and using cash but I haven't been hardcore about it yet. I'll continue to work on it.
Have $500 in an emergency fund GRADE: A+
We were able to knock out this goal AND the goal for the next quarter by saving $1000 to an emergency fund. Plus we were able to pay for an emergency expense less than a month after it was fully funded instead of having to put it on a credit card. Yay!!!
All in all we did pretty good for our first real financial goals. This was a good way to end 2009.
By December 31 I want to:
Have the house in complete working order aka "be fully moved in" GRADE: B-
We got all the rooms cleaned (even the master bedroom which was our dumping grounds for the last year or so). Not everything is organized, tho', and the garage is still in need of help. Billy just got a new job and we have to create a home office so that will initiate the garage project.
Have Bee's birth completely paid off GRADE: A
Will Billy's bonus, this was finally paid off, right before she turned 18 months which was my original goal! WOOT!
Establish a working grocery budget GRADE: B+
I've started to get the hang of the envelope system and using cash but I haven't been hardcore about it yet. I'll continue to work on it.
Have $500 in an emergency fund GRADE: A+
We were able to knock out this goal AND the goal for the next quarter by saving $1000 to an emergency fund. Plus we were able to pay for an emergency expense less than a month after it was fully funded instead of having to put it on a credit card. Yay!!!
All in all we did pretty good for our first real financial goals. This was a good way to end 2009.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Just in the Nick of Time
Raging, raging snow storm the likes of which have not been seen for twenty years.
Commuting husband.
A scary spin out.
A blown tire.
Thank God Thank God Thank God for the brand-spankin' new emergency fund.
*phew*
This would've gone a a credit card. *shudder*
Commuting husband.
A scary spin out.
A blown tire.
Thank God Thank God Thank God for the brand-spankin' new emergency fund.
*phew*
This would've gone a a credit card. *shudder*
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